"is it normal for guys to do this?

27 Comments

I moved to a new town approx 4.5yrs ago.. There is a very nice looking guy (has harley💜)We started speaking on a regular basis about a year ago.. Altgough he didnt know it was him I liked until in just the last couple mo. You see, he has two close friends and they all ride together and this so called friend of mine told him I liked 1 of his friends?!?!?! She knew that wasnt true but she wanted him and did it out of jealousy.. Anyways about 8 wks ago , He kinda started being flirty 1 day and I did back, Well before the night was over, He finally just grabbed me and threw Me (nicely) down on bed and soon was giving me some of the Best Sex EVER.. And a couple of times a day for the next mo. After the first night he made a off hand comment the "no feelings" Basically the FWB. I played it off and was like " of course" I know that, but I'll admit inside, I felt weird/sad.
But I played the FWB roll and currently still am.. Here's where My question comes in.. He said that FWB was basically what we are,and would be without those exact words.. Yet he seems to want me here overnight almost everynight, we eat together lots , shop together, go on outings and to friends of his.. He doesnt hide me .. And usually he texts me several times a day and when he gets home from work,he'll ask me over.. And honestly I LOVE IT but its causing feelings to develop in me and Im scared, I dont want My heartbroke or our friendship ruined.. Im confused by his behavior, although the fact we have zero cuddling/arms around each other and although he kissed me often during sex in the begining, He stopped completely almost 2 wks ago.. He does many nice things apart from just the sex, that are sweet.. And other times, short n cold , Mostly it seems like he's trying so hard to prove he has no feelings other than FWB and I dont understand why? I understand we started off that way,But I see nothing wrong in him admiting he likes me.. Is it normal for men to behave like this in a FWB relationship ? Or am I projecting what I desire from him , onto him? Im sorry that this is so long.. This is actually the condensed version. There are a few other people connected to he and I know seperately,and mutual ones as well.. But their part(s) of this story isnt relevent to this.. Is it normal for Me to feel this way?

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Comments ( 27 )
  • CDmale4fem
    4 years ago

    I would rather be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong.

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    • RoseIsabella
      4 years ago

      Amen to that!

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  • Doesnormalmatter
    4 years ago

    Now this is interesting! I have never heard of a friends with benefits relationship getting this serious. If you meet every single night and spend that much time together, it's clear that both of you have some kinda feelings. I don't think it's possible to have that much sex with someone and not catch feelings.

    There is nothing wrong with keeping at at FWB if your cool with that. But if you are unhappy with the current state of your relationship, you should tell him how you feel and how you want the relationship dynamic to change. If he doesn't change you should leave him. Please know that from the perspective of a woman, he is replaceable if it's just about sex. If he is more than sex to you, you should expect him to act like it. Because the problem is that you can't have a 'real' relationship with anyone else while you spend so much time with him. You only get one S/O at a time and one who refuses to give you the emotional and relational intimacy you want may not be worth your time.

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    • Youareselfish
      4 years ago

      Thank you and it is over now😥 he did me really wrong 2 days ago and I walked out and I wont be his "piece" ever again.. He tried talking to me but I let it all out and how I felt to him. He tried apologizing but I fear that was to try and keep me hooked.. And as painful as it is.. I have to accept the fact that he will treat me the same as long as i keep going back.. And Im not this time, I was good with the no serious commitment for now but I wont be treated like a cheap whore and disrespected by him.. So im ignoring him. It hard since i have to go by his home everytime i leave mine..

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  • CozmoWank
    4 years ago

    Classic.
    A woman agrees to be FWB then is disappointed because she's not treated like his girlfriend.
    Ya live & ya learn.

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    • Youareselfish
      4 years ago

      Not so much Im disappointed, I just think if its suppose to be strictly FWB!! Why then is he wanting me to be staying overnight EVERY NIGHT??? that starts to fall under GF/commitment status.. Doesnt it???

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      • CozmoWank
        4 years ago

        A hobo will sleep at you place if you let him.

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        • Youareselfish
          4 years ago

          Um🤔 good to know??

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  • momwatcher69
    4 years ago

    First of all, (bleedingdiahrea) often has shitty, immature, and sarcastic remarks, so take him, with a grain of "stupid-salt".

    Secondly, I think the guy you like, has some issues, from a previous relationship, in the past, and has a "fear" of permanent intimacy / relationships. I'm guessing he got hurt, emotionally...? He might have been dumped, maybe a crappy divorce, or his g/f died, or whatever.

    Like you said, you both enjoy being together:

    "Yet he seems to want me here overnight almost everynight, we eat together lots , shop together, go on outings and to friends of his.. He doesnt hide me .. And usually he texts me several times a day and when he gets home from work,he'll ask me over.. "

    Perhaps they should change the FWB 'slogan' to FWBWR....

    Friends With Benefits Without Responsibility

    He obviously likes all the perks, of a relationship, without actually CALLING it a relationship. And he makes sure, to constantly REMIND you, of this.

    So, do you want a bonafide relationship, with this guy, or are you willing to be an everyday "sidekick" with him?

    It's really not fair, to you. . . . . however, he DID express his feelings, about it, from the get-go.

    If you're ok, with it, continue being his "main squeeze", and maybe someday, he will change his mind, about you, or women, or relationships....

    .... or whatever is making him keep you at "arms - length" ?!

    OR, he's simply a self-centered, selfish A-hole.... BUT, since I don't know the guy, I can't say, for sure.

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    • Youareselfish
      4 years ago

      Thank you So much for your kind words💜 Well I can say now that He and I are over😥 and I wish We hadnt become intimate because Prior to We were friends and he was so kind to me, that changed when the "sex" started. 2 days ago I was at his home, we had just been intimate and I was cooking steaks n stuff for our dinner, while im doing that.. Some chick shows up and he starts throwing his clothes on, practically shoves me out of bedroom and proceeds to let that women in and doesnt even acknowledge or introduce us.. Right there , I decided OH HELL no... So I got my purse and my things and My dinner😉 threw his in garbage and walked out.. Since we live so close, this morning i walked by his house(no way to avoid it😔) and he was outside, wouldnt even look his way, he was calling my name and saying "Wow, just gonna walk by) Lol I thought to myself. Yup Assh*le I am.. Got home found messages from him and so I went off and told him how hurt , disrespected he made me feel as well as making me feel like nothing more than a cheap whore.. And that what really made me saddest was that I lost my friend😥 he tried to say sorry but, I know that he is just trying to keep me hooked and I had to face the truth and that is this.. He will ALWAYS treat me the same, as long as i keep going back.. So Im not this time.. Sorry this is so long but I hope you understand..

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      • RoseIsabella
        4 years ago

        Maybe there's a way that you can move away?

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    • Youareselfish
      4 years ago

      Oh I did forget to say you were correct in the fact he had an ex wife who did him really dirty and slept with several of his friends and numerous others and then walked out on him and their 2 young sons, which he raised up himself after getting full custody.. He isnt totally void of being a good man..

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      • RoseIsabella
        4 years ago

        Yes, but whatever happened with his ex-wife is not an excuse to treat you, or anyone else he might encounter badly.

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  • RoseIsabella
    4 years ago

    I think he just sounds like a jerk.

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    • Youareselfish
      4 years ago

      😥 Sadly you are ABSOLUTELY correct in your thinking and In the last 2 days I have ended it..

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      • RoseIsabella
        4 years ago

        I'm sorry for your pain, but you will truly be better off without him.

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  • bleedingdiarhea
    4 years ago

    He sees you as a piece of ass to use as he wants when he wants.

    "Im confused by his behavior, although the fact we have zero cuddling/arms around each other and although he kissed me often during sex in the begining, He stopped completely almost 2 wks ago.. "

    How do you not see that you're just a booty call for him? Wake up and smell the coffee. Hes using you for poontang and he isnt and never will be into you. Another thing is that both this guy and you sound trashy. Harleys and booty calls. Think about out it.

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    • CDmale4fem
      4 years ago

      Damn, you kinda harsh for just a question and answer. I think anyway. So maybe that goes with your name, talking shit and it hurts ?.

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      • Youareselfish
        4 years ago

        Im only harsh to those who come at me harsh.. And I take offense to being called trashy.. Just because I like Harleys and I have sex.. ??

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    • Youareselfish
      4 years ago

      Wow... Trashy because He rides a Harley?? And Trashy because as a grown Women I happen to enjoy sex and Im not an UPTIGHT FRIGID B*TCH???
      And you sound like a JUDGEMENTAL as well as a SELF-RIGHTOUS and BITTER PERSON.. And since you've chosen to respond this way to me I'll respond to you in kind!! Your most likely the D.U.F in your small circle of Friends who doesnt EVER GET LAID and So you hate on those who do!! And MOST of the people I know are riding CUSTOM BUILT Harleys some of which have been featured on Magazine covers and taken home awards and shows!! You most likely couldnt afford 1 of them even if you wanted to!! And dont HATE on Us who ride on them just because NOBODY WOULD HAVE YOU ON THEIRS!!! There, NOW I SOUND LIKE THE HUGE ASSHOLE with My response ... Just like you did with Yours!! Have a blessed day😂💋

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      • momwatcher69
        4 years ago

        Atta Girl !!

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      • bleedingdiarhea
        4 years ago

        Oh! Theyre CUSTOM BUILT? My bad. That's so much more cultured and respectable. Nothing says class like getting your mug and iron horse on a biker rag cover.

        I only responded how I did, which I admit was a bit harsh, because I was 80% sure this was a troll post. I wouldnt have thought you were serious about wanting a guy who obviously just sees you as a piece of ass.

        I dont think I'm the duf btw, as I've been happily married for 13 years to a lovely and intelligent woman who would never be a booty call for some "custom" biker dude. And maybe I cant afford one but I can afford to send my step children to good schools and help them with college. Hopefully this will help me instill self esteem in my daughters so they dont turn out like you.

        All insults aside, please stop letting this "man" use you like a piece of meat. You deserve better whether you realise this or not. I mean this part sincerely. ❤

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        • Youareselfish
          4 years ago

          Thank you and please accept my apologies.. I do come from a good family .. Unfortunately i lost both my parents over 21yrs ago.. So it kinda turned my life ..

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          • bleedingdiarhea
            4 years ago

            I'm sorry. I was irritated when I wrote that. I'm in a hotel in bismarck and saw a woman carrying heavy bags into the lobby when her husba nd or whoever he was got angry at her for going so slow and gave her an angry push in the back. It really set me off. You didnt deserve what I said.

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  • CDmale4fem
    4 years ago

    Yes it's normal, but I liked the part where you took yourself and laid you down softly into the bed. Lol

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    • Youareselfish
      4 years ago

      I just wanted to Thank you for your response.. It wasnt crude, hurtful or shitty.. Unlike some people who have responded.. I try to be tactful when I comment to someone and I appreciate the same.. Although I can and will RESPOND with a sharp tongue and foul stuff right back at someone who choses to come at me like that.. Have a blessed day..😊

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  • momwatcher69
    4 years ago

    I'm sorry, but glad, you had to find out, the hard way. Now you can move on, to a REAL man, who appreciates you !!
    I kinda had that gut instinct, when I first read your post, so I reserved judgement, until all the facts were in....👍

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