is it normal to still be in love with a guy after five long years?

68% Normal
12 Comments

I would really like people's opinions. Its long so bear with me.
More than five years ago, I fell really hard for this guy who was a close friend and who was also getting married to another close friend. Every single day my heart ached, knowing that I couldn't have him as mine. Turns out his marriage did not work out and my friends ended up getting a divorce. They are both very dear to me and everyone, including myself, tried to convince them to mend their relationships with one another, but it didn't work. He used to be such a different person before, now he is quiet and in his own world and I just wish I could give him everything that she couldn't give him. Even to this day, when I go to his place, I try to clean his house, his bedroom, not because he is spoiled or lazy, because I like to do things2 for him. Anyways, I thought that I would get over him, but I don't think I ever did. It has been more than five years and as of now I just wish I had the courage to tell him. The only reason I am not saying anything is because I don't want to lose or ruin what we have now. He has a different life, I have mine which includes being a doctor. So there is actually no way for us to even possibly end up together. I realize that now, that when they say that if you love someone, let them go, I think this is what it is. I am that level where I have that peace to let my feelings for him stop taking over me, but there is still something that is not just letting go.
I would love to heat people's opinions on this because sometimes, it's easier for strangers to give advice without fully knowing the person so they don't judge him/ her. I would request people to be respectful when they respond. Thank you!

Voting Results
68% Normal
Based on 25 votes (17 yes)
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Comments ( 12 )
  • valisque
    10 years ago

    Honestly you aren't being fair with yourself.

    It's very understandable that you fear permanently losing him should telling him how you feel not work out as planned... It's the dilemma 99% of us have to go through when asking one out. But frankly, that's the only issue you should be worried about.

    The rule is if you love someone... Go get them. If, and only if that doesn't work out, then let them go.
    Seems to me that you're looking for excuses as to why you can't be together... The career, being friends with his ex, the manner he's changed. But all that is just relative crap that should be at the bottom of the 'to worry about' list.

    You already know that though. That's why you posted it here. To be assured that giving up was the right thing to do. That even though the majority of marriages involve couples with 90 degree differing occupations, that even though people's *surface* nature changes over time (or just a temporary side effects of a divorce...) and that plenty of times, unrequited love does get an opening... It's totally pointless to try and make both of yourselves happy...

    See the irony in the bias point of view? Cause in the end that's what it's about. Perspective.

    It's been five years... He may say yes he may say no... One way or another, you need closure.

    ..... Yeah and don't think he's stupid letting you clean his house and laundry either...

    Now if only I took my own advice...

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  • Ozzy
    10 years ago

    Dont be too nice, he might take advantage of u without u knowing bout it

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    Ask his ex if she's okay with you being with him.

    If they says it's okay, go for him, and live happily ever after.

    If she says she's not okay with it, think really hard about whether or not you want to go for it.

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    • 69
      10 years ago

      actually i partially disagree with you. i think knowing from him first if anything could happen would be better and THEN worry about the friend and talking to her whatever the outcome. hey, she's kept it secret for five years so maybe he should be the first to know, idk

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  • thecowboy911
    10 years ago

    more normal than u think.

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  • rutgers
    10 years ago

    Hey guys, so I let him know about this long kept secret this weekend and it did not turn out the way people thought it was going to, but I think I already knew. I am still glad I told him. I texted him instead of meeting with him and apparently, he was in shock because he considers me as his little sister (this is very unusual). And he said he did not plan on going out with his close friends after his first marriage. Now, I am not quite sure when we will speak again or see each other. Things are a bit awkward, but for some reason I am glad I told him. Thank you for all your opinions-they matter very much to me! So, I hope people can learn from this experience in which ever way they think they need to. But understand that when it comes to deciding if "It's normal" or if its right, the decision is yours to make, and you should be comfortable with it, keeping all types of circumstances in mind and then also being ready to face them :) Thanks a lot!

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    • Terence_the_viking
      10 years ago

      Sorry it didn't work out for you but it seems a great weight has been lifted.

      Good luck in your future endeavours.

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  • LondonTbags117
    10 years ago

    You are a very sweet person, if there were more people like you in this world, the world would be a much happier place.

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    • rutgers
      10 years ago

      Thank you so much! This made me teary, no one has ever said that to me! Thanks again

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    Every time you lie, you make jesus cry.

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  • ygrowup
    10 years ago

    This happens, but I think you should tell him your feeling anyway! I would want to know

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  • rutgers
    10 years ago

    Thank you for all your opinions. I deeply appreciate it. I think I will talk to him this weekend. Thanks again for all your help!

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