i couldn't do it, but why am i thinking it?

51% Normal
13 Comments

I would like to state first that I am not suicidal and have never self harmed. I think I have some degree of mild anxiety or depression as I get worried over mild things and I have days where I just don't know why I bother doing anything (however I would not state that I have these things to a person / in a medical exam or things like that)

I would also like to say that I have no inclination of doing the thing that I am about to reveal.

I have these urges or fantasies about cutting myself, again I don't think I could EVER do that, but I want to know if there is an actual reason that I find it kind of appealing. Also people who do it for attention make me sick, especially as the people who do it because they are in a bad place get labelled as attention seekers, so I would never do it because it 'looked good' or because I wanted people to know I did it. Again, I honestly don't think I would ever do this as I HATE pain but is there an actual reason that I think about this (comments question). Is it normal? ( vote question). Thank you

Voting Results
51% Normal
Based on 37 votes (19 yes)
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Comments ( 13 )
  • iMoose
    7 years ago

    It seems as though you have a curiosity for cutting if I'm being totally honest. It's not weird, we all have our own personal odd curiosites that you can only muster up the courage to mention in anonymous message boards and forums. But I will say this; make sure that they stay curiosites, because it can go from a curiosity to routine self harm. Chances are that this urge has come from a period of time where you were feeling low and miserable, and it's something your mind has just drifted towards. You should take up playing Team Fortress 2 to take your mind off things. One of the greatest games on Steam ;)

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      7 years ago

      To be honest, I think it is more than curiosity, but I definitely get where you are viewing this from, thank you for your input xx

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      • iMoose
        7 years ago

        I feel for you, I really do, because what you've described is unfamiliar to me, I couldn't imagine what it's like. The problem with seeing head shrinks, or people of the like is that they always seem too formal, which can be very overwhelming to some. Do you have any friends or family you can address it with?

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          7 years ago

          Thank you for your sympathy, and no I don't because I guess I am not very comfortable with my family, but thanks again!

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  • tittle
    7 years ago

    Is it just a strange urge? Or do you think it's because you're feeling emotional pain/depression?
    Or maybe some kind of sensation-seeking thing?
    It's hard to say, because it sounds like you do get depressed sometimes, and maybe that's something that requires help (?) And it sounds like that's probably related to feeling the urges, but maybe it's not?

    So why do you say you wouldn't talk to a medical professional about the depression/anxiety? Is it because you don't think it's bad enough to warrant medical assistance? Or you feel kinda ashamed of it?
    Sorry for all the questions and not much help. It's just hard to say exactly what's behind it. I think maybe only you could really answer that. Be honest with yourself, and think why do you have the urge to do it? And if you're not sure - then when do you think about it? Is it when you're feeling bad?
    Because if it's due to emotional pain, it's worth biting the bullet, getting over whatever's holding you back, and asking for help. But yeh, I'm just not sure exactly if that's it.
    If it's just a strange urge, unrelated to depression, then you're probably not alone, I think some people are just kinda 'into' that.
    So yeh, sorry if that's not much help. It's just a bit hard to know.

    tl:dr I think you have to honestly ask yourself why you have the urge. An outlet for emotional pain, or some other kind of urge?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      7 years ago

      Thank you so much! I have been struggling for a while, and I feel like I can't go to a therapist due to recent bad experiences so I mistrust all psychiatrists, I think I might need help, so If it does get worse I would definetly seek out help. But not now, I just needed to know what people thought and if I was the only one x. Thank you

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      • tittle
        7 years ago

        Oh, you're definitely not the only one, believe me. I know what you mean about having bad experiences with them. Even though they're technically qualified, a lot of them just don't 'get it' or just don't get *you*, even. So try not to be disheartened about having to try several different ones - it's trial and error, unfortunately. You really have to find the right personal fit.

        I've probably seen 10 or more doctors, counsellors, pyschs etc. and honestly, only about 1-2 of them really understood. I was mistrustful of all mental health professionals too, so I know how it can seem like nobody will help and nothing can be done - but it's worth it, when you eventually find the right person. It's a very personal thing. So don't feel bad about it.

        Hey, good luck with everything. I know it seems pointless and futile at times, but it's definitely worth it in the end.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          7 years ago

          Thank you, I just get a really sick feeling if I go to any sort of doctors place xx you have helped alot

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  • ihavenomouth
    7 years ago

    It seems to me that you're struggling with intrusive thoughts and urges. The best thing to do is to try to keep your mind busy with things that you enjoy, but if the urge is too strong, you could try some alternatives to cutting, such as rubbing ice cubes or dropping red food coloring / fake blood over the place you want to cut. But I would get help about this. Best wishes.

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  • Jess1010
    7 years ago

    The thought of cutting is giving you an adrenaline rush. That is relieving anxiety you are feeling. If you keep thinking it you may become more tempted to try it. You need to get some help before it escalates.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      7 years ago

      Thank you for the reply! I actually feel the opposite to an adrenaline rush though, I feel disgusted and low and my anxiety increases

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  • Jack.skellington
    7 years ago

    So I suffer from what's called harm ocd. In my case I get urges to fall or jump off ledges and buildings. I also have occasional urges to stab people. However they are not harmful. I am neither homicidal or suicidal. The urges exist as almost visions of me doing it, and are in no way making me want to actually do it. It's very strange and it does disturb me.

    How do I deal with it? I like to write so when I get those feelings I act them out in a short story. The urge feels resolved, I don't feel so bad about it, and the urges stopped coming so often and have almost stopped entirely.

    You can also try talking them out. I do with my wife sometimes. Just, be careful about that.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      7 years ago

      Thank you! I like writing too I will try and alleviate some of the stress that way x

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