32 year old woman virgin

55% Normal
50 Comments

I read a storey on here about a an older virgin and all the nasty and some helpful comments that some people gave. I thought I would tell my story.

First of all there is nothing wrong with me physically so I'm sick of the comment "why is she single she's a pretty girl" ahhhh hello yes I am pretty and nice and normal but I feel like I have not lived life! I didn't enjoy my 20's by having different sexual partners, I have been afraid to get close to anyone and I know it's not normal, I get that.

Recently I thought well I should do some online dateing maybe find someone special (I've really never had a real boyfriend) Well so far it's not going well, dateing over 30 you sure don't get the response you did in the 20's, I missed that opportunity though. Well anyway I approached this guys 34 completley gorgeaus and he is a total player even though his profile says he's looking for a longterm girlfriend.

Anyway he basically wants to skip coffee and go straight to the bedroom aubviously not my style but I can't help but be totally excited by the prospect of just haveing one night with this great looking guy, no strings I can just get things over with in a sense. However there is the part of me that knows it isn't safe to engage in this behaviour but then part of me says no risk no gain in life! Maybe I should just go. There is noone I can talk to about this because I would never tell anyone what I'm considering, so I would appreciate some real advice.

I know some will say waite for love! Well easy for you to say, love is not so easy to find for everyone. Well tell me what you think and the nasty comments will not be listened too, but go ahead if you must. The other older virgin says he/she wants to kill themselves god nothing is worth that, I think that you should see a councelor and talk things through, because life does have so many other beautiful things!

Thanks

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55% Normal
Based on 134 votes (74 yes)
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Comments ( 50 )
  • joelsmo
    13 years ago

    If you do it, you will most likely regret it. You have held on to it for 32 years so obviously it holds some value to you, so why would you want to throw it away on a one night stand? I do not mean you should wait for love but you would think you might like to have it with someone you at least have some feelings for. You need to ask yourself why you are considering this. Is it for you or for the people around you. You must realize with sex comes great pleasure but also, often, it complicates your life. I recommend you wait, at least connect first, you will most likely find a one night stand leaving you empty and full of regret. Lose your virginity to someone who doesn't put another notch and the headboard.

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  • happilysingle
    15 years ago

    I am a man of 36 years. I have never had sex. I have never even held a woman (other than the occasional second long hug). Although I have always wanted to have sex, the expectation outside of it is something I don't want to commit to. In other words, the expectation from a woman is "I will have sex only if it leads to a long term relationship". Since I don't want to get into a relationship, I have stayed away from sex altogether. I have always enjoyed life and live life to the fullest. Sex and relationship are not the only things in life. People are obsessed by it.
    To the original author of this post, I say enjoy life. Do all the things you have always wanted to do. Time is precious. Don't waste it thinking just about relationships. Sex is nice but one can live without it. If you think I may be saying this because I don't have a sex drive then I can tell you that I masturbate everyday and I can get an erection in a moment, but still I have decided to abstain from sex all my life. I will be nice to have sex but I am not going to fret over it all my life. So enjoy what you have and make the most of your life and time!

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    • Jesus4life
      8 years ago

      Here is what I think. I'm not being judgemental, I clearly get message here and you guys feel hopeless. Being a Christian is the best decision I have ever made. I have meet women who prayed to God for a husband same for. Men and God bless them. Be greatful that you are able to hang on to your dignity. Intimate deald with the soul and the soul of man is very important to God. Thank God you are not out there selling your selves. Grab your Bible and go to church and you willl see God's blessing pouring upon you.

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  • shrinkingfreak
    8 years ago

    Sex complicates your life and its the same with every one so don't bother to gloat and lust. Your better off a virgin.

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  • peacepaz
    8 years ago

    hello I am almost 33 years old woman too, also a virgin never kissed never even masturbated. I have no disease or anything. I am not religious not even spiritual. Guys have been chasing me and I have been called beautiful everywhere I go. I have never been thinking that virginity means purity or anything. This is me and I don't mind what others think about. I have been focusing on my studies all my life and had no time for guys. Now I am planning to go out and date and find the real love and I am not planning to give it away unless I find the true love. Remember we are not supposed to do whatever millions of others are doing. There is no right or wrong when it comes to life decisions. Be proud, be confident. There are far more important issues in this world to be preoccupied with. Sex is natural and is a basic human needs I know all these stuff but sometimes other stuff in your life are in priorities and it requires sacrificing other stuff. Be happy and smile. peace : )

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  • Jesus4life
    8 years ago

    Jesus loves all of you. God to him, stay away from sin. Accept Jesus in your lives and you will find peace.

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  • Mersaphe
    9 years ago

    I think there's a common misconception that people who are virgins in their 30s or older place a high value on being "pure" and stuff like that. It's stupid. Most likely they have some issues in their lives or were busy with their careers or had other priorities that prevented them from being close to others emotionally or physically and the opportunity to have sex just never happened. Virgins are horny people, I know from experience. It's not as simple as saying they "just don't want to have sex."

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  • superonic8
    12 years ago

    At 32 you've still got plenty of time to find what you want.
    If your for someone to settle down with and begin the rest of your life, then do that.
    Your not gonna find that person if you don't take a few risks.
    And if you just want some sex to blow off some steam then go ahead, as long as you don't lead the other person on.
    I hope it all works out good for whatever happens

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  • ashleigh_bo
    13 years ago

    why do you keep saying that you are missing out on life, or not living it to the fullest, just because you havent had sex?

    maybe you just saves yourself from the pain, hurt, and confusion that so many young girls/women face by having sex way before they were ready. This is ofcourse relative as some people are emotionally and physically ready at 17, while for others it may be 32.

    you mentioned suffering from self esteem and other issues. it is great that you took time to work on yourself - what a great way to handle your life! arent you glad that you waited to conquer those obstacles before having sex, rather than having sex in hopes that it would help fix things? you should be proud of yourself for that =)

    I'm 29 and still a virgin too. i dont talk about it much because i dont like people's prying minds asking and wondering why a nice, attractive woman would still be single and a virgin. But everyone has their own values and their own timing. I believe that when anything is forced, it is unnatural and does not end well.

    many guys, if not most, are intruiged by virgins. it also undeniably means more to him if he is your first, given he is a respectful guy who wants to be committed to you. I'm not saying that non-virgin girls are not appealing. But it is true that virgin girls have held on to their virginity for a reason, and for a guy to be the reason that she will want to give away her virginity, well, any guy would feel special. If he finds that as too much of a burden or responsibilty, I wonder what kind of guy he really is. It is almost as if he already assumes that he does not want your full commitment, attention, or love....

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  • KimmyKhaosXD
    14 years ago

    I say find someone who wants a relationship, make sure they dont have any diseases and get at it! (;
    you will get emotionally attached to your first, it will always stay that way no matter what.

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  • SamuraiPeeper
    14 years ago

    I say go for it as long as you're prepared for him to brush you off afterwards. Live a little, nothing wrong with it.

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    • melanie35
      14 years ago

      I'm shocked at just how many people told her to go for it with the original guy. From her opening post it sounds as though she never even met the guy. It also sounded like a dangerous idea that was sure to not be fullfilling in any way.

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  • Danila
    14 years ago

    just find somebody nice ,you get along well,you dont need to marry or compromisse ,sex is something natural ,just do it, turn the lights dow low,get a bottle of wine and condoms and go for it

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  • nothing2
    14 years ago

    you could try fat guys. alot of them don't get laid much.

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  • joliegems
    14 years ago

    I wouldn't do it. If he's a 34yr old player he probably has STDs or AIDS. Also, players tend to be very critical of a woman's body. I don't know about you but I wouldn't want to have critical comments on my 1st time. A guy that is into you will be more caring and nice about the whole thing.

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    • fressia
      14 years ago

      Actually it was the opposite an older guy is more accepting of a womans flaws. In my experience I felt very beautiful jiggly bits and all. Every person is different and anyone no matter what age can have STI's, it's a risk we take to be sexual in this day and age, we just need to be as safe as possible. Definatley better to have a boyfriend that you trust and if you are both tested prior that will ease the stress of those worries, I agree.

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  • XBabyBlueX
    14 years ago

    Hi, don't worry your not to old to find a date. Your young still have fun the night is still young, go in clubs, and you never no if you explore everywhere you might find the perfect guy for you.

    Hope for the best in the future!

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  • RoadRunner
    14 years ago

    If you have money oto spend. Go abroad and find someone there. You may even like the culture and want to live there! Soemtimes it takes moving away from what you know to discover other new and wonderful things! Hope that helps :)

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  • smeagolxx
    14 years ago

    i'm a guy closing in on 30, never had sex, never been kissed, but i know without doubt that i don't need to have sex in order to feel or give love, and at the end of the day, that's what matters to me no matter what anyone else says

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    • bluesun
      12 years ago

      oh my god! they do exist!!!

      thank you for returning my faith back.

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    • fressia
      14 years ago

      yes I do give and receive love to my family and friends. What I'm talking about is being close with a man. You know people think if you haven't had sex you don't need it. Well that is so wrong. I hit my sexual peak and I'm turned on all the time! In the car, work, shower, whereever and whenever! I take care of myself, however the closeness of a man is missing.

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  • embarrassed
    15 years ago

    First of all, you need to realise that sleeping with lots of men in your twenties isn't such an enjoyable experience. You sound like you think that your lack of sex is the reason you aren't happy.
    I think you need some friends. You didn't mention any girly friends in here and i've always thought that close friends can help you with anything.
    Also, you sound defeated. You're so young still and it sounds like you've given up already. There must be thousands of men out there that are scared of getting close to women but sometimes you just need to throw yourself into a situation, even if it does end in heartbreak, that's another experience you will need to go through.

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    • fressia
      14 years ago

      Well I do have friends and I'm glad that your friends help you with anything and yes they have all been a little helpful but really they just can't relate to me because they are all in commited relationships. If you read all my posts you would see that infact, no I have not given up! I'm seeing a councelor and I try to throw myself out in the world even though a lot of things scare me, I'm a work in progress. I agree with you I was wrong in thinking that having sex with many partners in my 20's would not be a fullfilling experience. However we are sexual beings! We are animals after all and we have a primal need for sex, touch and intimacy, so I believe those are things I crave on a primal level.

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    • [Old Memory]
      14 years ago

      I had a similar impression.

      And I wonder if you should make male friends & then see how it goes & how you feel from there i.e. special to someone.

      I don't think it is all that difficult for most to just get sex, if thats all you want. But you're hesitant.

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  • Dillanfire
    15 years ago

    Well, go for it and have your experience. In this day and age people have more than 1 "acquaintances" before settling down with 1 person. With experience things do get better.

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  • oskilover18
    15 years ago

    It's normal to have issues. We all do. I would suggest for your first time to have sex with someone you trust even if you don't love him. But also, don't be turned off from sex because the first time always sucks. It'll take a little while before it goes from painful to bearable to fun to totally awesome. Everyone's different too and some women become really attached after sex while others can have one night stands just like stereotypical guys with no strings attached. But you won't really know until you try it. So I'd say no pain, no gain. Just make sure that you're the type of person who will be able to handle loss and get over depression if you turn out to be one of those who gets very attached during sex.

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  • LoveLess
    15 years ago

    nothing wrong with being a virgin, at any age. the thing is that alot of guys just want sex, and you realy have to be carefull because they can be deceptive. You're pretty and kind, then i wouldnt worry about it too much, you'll find a good man that can help you out with that :P

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  • tiredofbeinglonely
    15 years ago

    I think there's more people out there the same then you'd think. I've never had sex, kissed a girl, held a girl's hand, or anything close. I spent my teens and 20s thinking I wasn't bothered by this but i'm 30 now and I feel like i've missed out. I've had some women (not many, but some) show an interest in me over the years, but between hating how I look and having serious trust issues with people, i've never done anything about it.

    I now think it's too late to start, so although i'd love a partner I can't see it ever happening.

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    • fressia
      14 years ago

      It's never to late! Just take the risk like I did, sex is so great! Honestly I've been missing out on an important part of life. Read my last comment :)

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      • Albie
        14 years ago

        Fressia I just signed up on this site today and reading different comments, just curious what you looking for in life. Casual sex never goes for long. I am single guy got great career
        and make pretty decent money. I unfortunately met someone online she lives three thousand miles away. I am here in west coast and she lives east we had relationship for two years
        and i showed my support to her in every way
        this person was lacking Integrity and Honesty
        and came across as good christian and never showed her face to me.. I gues there is no Honesty in our world any more. I am sure you be Honest and One day you will meet nice Honest Man Do not give up your hopes Albert

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        • lily1993
          10 years ago

          That's so sweet a hope and pray that i meet a guy like you, all the guys my age don't think that way and i really want a guy like that

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        • fressia
          14 years ago

          You are right I wasn't honest to the guy about it being my first time, but he wasn't in it to get to know me. We communicated about everything prior and it was not to go anywhere just casual. It seemed easy for him to have no emotion involved, for me I just don't beleive there is such a thing as "no strings" We are emotional beings. Maybe this lady is afraid? Maybe she has social anxiety? Maybe she wants to meet you but just couldn't push herself to do it. I'm sure her intentions were good, try to forgive and move on. I think meeting people online is ok but you have to meet them fairly soon because you never know the person till you talk to them in person or atleast on the phone, I would advise you stick to people in your area. Good luck!

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      15 years ago

      Well believe me I know how you feel, but we have to just be brave I think, it can't be too late! We can start to live now, it's not easy that's for sure.

      I'm so afraid that I just don't know what to do in dating situations, or getting close but it must be somewhat primal right. Don't kid yourself, we all have issues! Some are just better at hiding them. What I've been learning is that if we don't risk, nothing can change.

      I'm working on it, but going to a guys house I don't know might have been a little too big of step in the risky direction LOL.

      30 is young! Ok, I would suggest you start with finding a psychologist that you like, try to work out some of your issues, but that can take a long time so you still have to make the steps to get out with people.

      You will be surprised how many good people are out there. Join a hiking club! or take a class. A lot of people are lonley just muster up a little courage to go, I think you can do it! I joined a hiking club, I took some classes, I joined an excercise class. I may not meet a man at any of these things but maybe some friends!

      Take care, and have compassion for yourself! That's a good place to start.

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  • Cheydinhal9992
    15 years ago

    You live life once which is why you should remain disease free until you're 80 - then go have sex with the world

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    15 years ago

    Well if anyone is interested, the guy turned out to be a total jerk and I realized that I would be disrespecting myself by offering myself up like that anyway.

    However I'm keeping my open for a guy, takeing a break from the online world I think. Thanks you all for your comments, I suppose I'm staying the way I am for now :) but I'm not going to die a Virgin (hopefully)!

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    • lily1993
      10 years ago

      I hope i won't too

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    • happilysingle
      15 years ago

      I hope the same. We should meet. Best wishes!

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      • Anonymous Post Author
        15 years ago

        Like I say I'm going to stay away from meeting people online for a while after this experience, but good luck too you. I don't want a relationship right now, I'm not looking to land a husband and I think there are other women out there like me. Why don't you search for something casual, not all women want a relationship.

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        • [Old Memory]
          13 years ago

          i think you should go do it.

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  • mrsmithgoestowashington
    15 years ago

    30 years here. Kissed a girl once. I would imagine you might be talking about my post.

    I expect I will die this way. If you are attractive there is nothing stopping you though. So have at it, if you want it.

    You might have an avoidant personality disorder.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      15 years ago

      Yes I was probably talking about you :) Well I googled "avoidant personality disorder" Yep thats me but so are a hundred other disorders and issues LOL. They have a name for everything it seems, and I don't care to label myself.

      Don't get me wrong I believe life is a spiritual journey and I have actually been on a path of self discovery for the past couple years with a psychologist, however I haven't told her about my recent feelings yet. Anyway we all have issues, I think you might be surprised that there really probably is no such thing as normal.

      I have shame issues that stem from narcisitic parents and over the years developed some OCD issues, self esteem problems and social anxiety ect.... I now choose not to be a victim of my past but an instigator for my future! I am now %%100 responsible for the future I create for myself and so are you! I'm still going to struggle but I'm takeing small steps.

      We need to be humble and reach out for help when we need it, people are there just reach out seriously if you take one step toward change things will come your way, if you believe in God, the Universe whatever. He will meet you halfway, you just need to take that first step! I'm learning this in my own life, it's not too late to start liveing I think, the key is don't wait if you an idea a passion a dream, get on the phone do it now!

      I don't think you have to die without haveing sex, you are young! For me fear always holds me back (which I'm working on) but for you what is it? Not everyone is beautiful you know I think you can find a lover no matter what you look like, I would say get out there take a risk join a club, a gym a hikeing group just to get out with people we need to get out of our heads, join life issues and all! Fat or skinny, beautiful or not! We all belong here, we all have worth we just need to keep telling ourselves that ok.

      Take care and I really hope you reach out!

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    15 years ago

    Well I appreciate all the comments yet I am still quite confused! I agree with happilysingle in the idea to not obsess with haveing sex. It's just been latley that it has completley taken over my thoughts, I've lost weight, I can't concentrate, I'm irritable! I have no hang ups about masturbation but it just seems like it's not enough anymore!

    Well if you are all curious to see if I went through with it with the player guy, well I didn't (yet) well I thought about it a lot and realized that I'm too emotional of a person to just go home afterwards and have no feelings about it. I think two consenting adults can come to an agreement for something casual but what if I really reget it. The funny thing is I said I would go over then I said no I can't, then he said well I'm not looking for anything casual, let's meet as friends! ahhh this guy drives me crazy! Well we haven't met yet, not sure that I will but maybe for me to just get on with my life I should just do it! For once I wish I could just be wreckless without thinking things through so much!

    The safe decisions may make for a life unlived that is what I worry about.

    Also happily single why (no judgment) have you decided to abstain from sex for the rest of your life? Your beliefs?

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    • happilysingle
      15 years ago

      To answer your question in the end of the post, I would love to have sex but it's the reason I mentioned in my reply. Women won't have sex unless they think it will lead to a relationship, and I don't want to get into a relationship. Hence the reason for abstinence.

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  • lovequestions
    15 years ago

    I think sex is too f**king intense to just go for it for the first time with a 'player' at this stage in your life, but it might not be a bad idea. I dunno, tough situation...I suppose it might be OK if he one of those players who, while casual, will actually care about you after even if there is no relationship. If you think he is just all-out asshole, then it's much more iffy...

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      15 years ago

      See exactly what you said is what runs through my mind, maybe it's a good idea maybe not. Will he be kind? Maybe not.

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  • rosa143
    14 years ago

    do it. have sex with a random hot guy. enjoy it. it will make you happier and look forward to something even if it's just sex..you will be ina better mood thoughout your day and men will be more drawn to you. From my personal experiance ladies who dont have sex are usually mmoody or not very fun to be around.

    have fun with yourself and have all the sex you can just use protection and do whatever makes you happy at that exact moment do not think so much it'll get you nowhere

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    • fressia
      14 years ago

      Well because I've written quite a bit about myself and my situation, thought I would give you all an update. I am no longer a virgin!

      I did what I set out to do, I found someone for a casual sexual relationship. He was kind, and very good in bed and I am really happy to have found him. I realized sex is not so difficult lol. It pretty much comes naturally and the details can be read in books and communicated with your partner.

      I don't regret what I did, no we were not in love but there was a mutual respect. I realize I got lucky there because it could have been a really bad scenario if the respect wasn't there. I made the right decision for me,not for everyone, most people just lose their virginity the good old fashioned way, as an awkward teenager. Well my journey is a little different.

      Here is the disclaimer, all that being said I really was not prepared for the emotions that go with sex. I thought well if we don't get to know eachother and keep it casual I can't develop feelings for him. Well the sexual relationship lasted 2 weeks and when he ended it, truly my heart was broken. It's been very hard for me to let him go, I haven't turned into a stalker or anything but the feelings are so strong I can see why people do.

      I guess in the back of my head I started to like him and hoped for more, but he just isn't that into me as they say. My thought is although women have come a long way to equality in our society, we are just not built to have casual sex. Our emotions and hormones just may not allow it I guess. It's really to bad I don't think it's fair that men can seperate the two so easily.

      Well I will never enter into something so casual again, and hope the next man I find is someone I can have the whole package with because I deserve that. Thanks everyone for all your comments! Honestly it was really helpful!

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  • churbur
    15 years ago

    Well at least you're logical about this. I say you go, you only live once girl, do hat the hell you want! Just use a condom for sure. And if you feel uncomfortable getting close enough to someone to have sex then just get really really hammered that should do the trick. Idk how well you'll be able to relate because I'm only 17 but I hope you will take my advice! Good luck girl!

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  • lubbock
    15 years ago

    I say do it! you live life once

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  • whizlan
    15 years ago

    hello
    i might have written my own story but
    i have been thinking that im not living life and such aswell im 25 im afraid of thinking along the lines of your older friend :(
    i dont think il ever suicide though im a christian and i believe that's the worst thing you can possibly do..

    i really dont think you should loose your virginity to any kind of player, youre never to old to find someone special ;D
    stay strong n godbless <3

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