18 year old dating a 39 year old

I'm a 40 yr old man and regardless of age any relationship has its challenges. If two people are legal and care for each other why is it such a bad thing for them to be together? At 18 years of age in most European countries you can work, marry anyone you want free of gaining anyone's permission, you can even be a harcore pornography actor/actress and you can also sign up and die for you're country in battle. So what is the problem with two people loving each other, its their risk, their lives and they have every right to pursue it. As long as they communicate openly and deal with life's challenges age should not be an issue. Go for it and I hope it works out for you both! Ignore what other people think and make a life for yourselves. I've had relationships with women of all ages and they all had their charms and their demons so what does it matter if there's 20 years difference? You get one shot at life! Live it for you!

It doesn't seem normal. I never thought it was. However, I've found myself in the same situation. I am 40, and look much much younger. I have always had younger girls attracted to me. Which was always flattering, but I never considered being with any of them. Not sexually, or emotionally. Not until I met someone, who has been more of a woman to me than any woman that i have ever met. She is 18, and we both had a very hard time giving into our desire to be together. It was never for sexual reasons. It was our hearts. We are exactly alike. Yes the years seperate our experiences. But not who we are. We share a very deep commonality. People will, and I'm sure do think that I'm creepy. I understand that, and have to accept it. But, I am profoundly in love with her. If we never made love, I would be fine with that. We can't stand being away from each other. Life is beautiful when we are together. We are both very attractive people. But that doesn't matter to us. We know that we could be with more age appropriate partners of equal superficial asthetics. But we both see beyond our looks, and to what is inside of us. Social morays dictate what is age appropriate now. Yet it was only a century ago, that this would have been acceptable, if not encouraged. Divorce rates are at an all time high for marriages with only a few years of seperation between partners. Yet, age gap relationships seem to be long lasting. Her and I do bare the burden of social acceptance. But so far nothing can seperate us. I will marry her, if she agrees to my proposal, and I will love her until the day i die. If she ever decides that my age becomes a problem for her, I will understand, and support her decision, and love her non the less. She has shown me the love that I always sought after, but never found. She knows that I would never hurt her, emotionally, or any other way. I will never treat her unkindly, and never possess her. With me, she is free to experience life to the fullest, without the hardships of early relationship immaturity. What do we have in common? So much, that i don't even know where to begin. And yes, I do have a daughter almost her age. She was shocked at first, but within a very short time, she pulled both of us aside seperately to tell us that she thought that we should be together. She could see how much in love we were, and how happy we make each other. Most people will never ever understand, and we both know that, but we have said, at least we have each other.

I was helping a single mom at 18 with two kids ages 3 and 1. She had some horrible dating experiences and started really young. I was married to a woman for 13yrs my age we was both 40yrs old. We both have childern ages 13 and 9.
I never intended falling in love again. I never evaluated her for her age and I had only good intentions to help her go after her two X baby daddys for child support and now she is independent with a job, benefits, and going to college. She doesn't act her age at all.
We both fell in love with each other. It happens. Race, age, size, or social status doesn't matter when it comes to love. We both are happy and help each other and have more of an emotional connection than physical.
We both had horrible relationships. Her mom is happy how I treat and respect her along with her childern. At the end of the day it doesn't really matter what people's stupid opinions mean. Most people who are judgemental and narrow minded are miserable people anyways. Misery likes company so the best thing to do is to ignore the nonsayers if you are both ultimately happy.

Well i say, i'm 30 years old and won't never date a guy younger than myself, i think if he treating you nice well then go for it. Just find out if he's a sex offender.

You seem like a nice, mature young girl. Unfortunately, no matter how mature you are, you are still naive in some areas. Particularly when it comes to men. Ask yourself why a 39-year-old man is still single and looking for something romantic in a young, impressionable, relatively inexperienced girl. Don't get me wrong. He may be a really nice man and his intentions may be admirable. But. They also might not be. Just keep that in mind.

All is fair in love and war.

So many squares responding to this. Wow. Well, I'm 43 and VERY keen on an 18 year old I met. If we got together that would be by far the largest age gap I've ever had... ever. I met this girl last week. She's sweet, authentic, musical, real, creative and talented. Yes, she's young. However, she's bright. I'm definitely keen on her. Last year, I dated a 24 year old who was awesome. She was super cool, an artist, clever, funny, we spoke italian together ... we broke up because my 30 something ex-girlfriend came back in the picture.
However, my ex is neurotic, controlling and has a lot of anxiety. She doesn't give me a lot of compliments. She just seems a bit self-absorbed. We broke up again five weeks ago.
But I met this girl and of course, at first, i was like, wow. She's attractive but way too young. Then we saw each other at a function. I was doing art. She really liked what I did and said it inspires her. We're talking about meeting up and making art.
Yes, a lot of you squares might judge me, but in fact, I think it all depends on the person and situation. Fact is, I don't have kids. I have a youthful life. I've never been married. I am fun-loving and creative. On top of it all, I don't give a rat's ass if people were to judge me if I get involved with this girl. It's my life. "Creepy" "Pedophelia". Seems to me like you're all just jealous. A freaking 18 year old is attracted to a guy in his forties. Why not go for it? Why not explore something. Two consenting adults who find each other inspiring and fascinating. Why the hell not? And regarding comments about going clubbing at 28 whilst the older man stays home - well, older people can stay younger through yoga and all sorts of activities, including dancing. You don't have to be old. You can stay young by being young. I think a younger girlfriend can keep the blood flowing and keep one feeling young. And if you don't have kids, and a history full of divorces etc, why not go for it? Nothing to lose.

I'm totally into this girl and want to try it. None of societies' judgements will stop me. Two humans making contact. Ain't nothin' wrong with that.

Please don't worry its completely normal. I have always respected and admired all the women i dated. Ive dated a few younger women. At the moment I'm 45 and proud to be single, i came off of what i thought to be a good relationship unfortunately she cheated. I'm not perfect but at least i can say I've never cheated on anyone.
As for Fartyr comment, she is right. We do become grumpy bastards and sex is an issue as we get older. I recently met a girl who's much younger than i am. We hit it off, she amazing, more than i deserve. Unfortunately for me, she will never know how i feel about her. What she need is a friend someone she can talk to. I minimize my contact with her, to keep things from becoming complicated.
Sometimes loving someone is not taking the easy road, we must do whats hard.

"It is better to love wisely, no doubt: but to love foolishly is better than not to be able to love at all"

Best of luck

Age is just a number honey. Love whoever you wanna love.

While you may be mature enough to handle a relationship with such an age difference.. Ask yourself a few questions.. Whats his reason for being with a girl young enough to be his daughter? How will the age difference change things as you get older? Do you really want to be with a 70 yr old man when you're only 50?? What does this relationship provide, if anything, that a relationship with someone your own age wouldnt provide?
If it were me I would stear clear of it.. But at the very least tread slowly and carefully.

My girlfriend is 9 years younger than me. We're at rather different stages of life. Before I met her I never thought I'd date someone her age, but she just kept charming me and I kept charming her and we fell in love. So it's not necessarily that he makes a habit of going for much younger girls. It's possible that you just surprised him and made him change his stance on things.

yes its normal if hes 18 i guess its ok

I believe it's normal for you to be attracted to him but I do have to wonder about his intentions. What does a 39 year old man have in common with an 18 year old girl? Just keep your eyes open and make sure you're not being used as arm candy.

Not usual, but hey, whatever floats your boat.

I think given circumstances, I kind of understand what you're going through. You've grown up very quickly and you want the company of someone who is old and mature enough to understand what you've been through.

However, I don't feel good about him. What's his baggage? Why did he somehow decide to pursue an 18 year-old? Put yourself in his shoes for a moment. Why would he decide to date someone so much younger than he is? I'm 31 and for me anything younger than 24 is a little bit too young for me. You're fine, but I'm suspicious about him. Check him out more closely, please, for your own safety and well-being.

You are not mature at 18, no matter what you think. You just aren't. A 39 year old man wanting to date you is not only creepy but bordering on pedophilia. If he starts asking you to dress up for him or if he buys you stuffed animals and wants to treat you to ice-cream~~~~ RUN~~~~!
I agree with almost everyone, when you are more mature and in your late 20's/early 30's you are going to be filling his daily medication container, replacing his hearing aid batteries, looking at his dentures sitting in a glass of water on the counter, and keeping a supply of depends on hand. Is that what you want when you are just getting into the good part of your life?! Consider everything that all of these strangers have said, seriously. I think you will know what to do.

...eughhhhhh

wrong

fine someone your age

It's possible that someone with a high level of maturity and life experience could feather a nest with someone older. Several things to consider: 1) There are mature guys that are not 20 years older (maybe in the age bracket of 25 to 30). 2) I would question the purity of intention of a 39-year-old man who is willing to get seriously involved with a 19 year old, period. and 3) You obviously haven't matured enough to look ahead: When you're middle aged, he will be elderly. Quite a marriage-threatening conflict there.

4) Why must he be THAT much older than you?

Sounds like a bit of a "father fetish" -- please don't take that out of context

p.s. I'm a thirty-nine-year-old man. So, that's my perspective.

18 year old dating a 39 year old is very bad. It's like saying its OK for a 50 yr old man marrying a 6 yr old girl. 18 yr old female should date or marry someone 10 yrs older male.

Actually, it could be the fact that you had to grow up so quick that makes you more immature.

As children we pass through certain milestones and need certain experiences to shape our world. For example, children with angry parents are more likely to be angry. Children of abuse are more likely to abuse their children. Children from drunk homes are more likely to become drunks. This is because they did not learn the correct coping skills that a well adjusted person has. Where in one home a family in financial trouble might make the choice to cut back and go without, the other home might take to drinking/fighting/abusing/drinking. The children of these homes then learn how to react under pressure. The child of the first home will learn to make do with less. The child of the second home will not get the benefit.

So, being forced to grow up so quickly your mind hasn't matured fully. You may act like an adult but you missed SO much learning that children and teens need to do. We as humans, and women, frequently base the choice of our mates off what we see in our fathers. This may sound gross, but it's where we learn what a man should 'be'. When we are deprived of this learning experience things go wrong. Women with 'daddy' issues are frequently more promiscuous then women who grew up without them. This tension normally manifests in the late teen years.

However, you didn't just have 'issues' you had a completely missing father from a young age. Your mind still craves that fatherly love, but you are interpreting it wrong. You are attracted to an older man because your own father wasn't there and, subconsciously, you are trying to replace that attention with attention from an older man that your mind sees as a proper father substitute.

Biologically it is the testosterone fueled younger males who are the most fertile. Young women are attracted to them because they are stronger and would make for a stronger offspring that would survive. However, these testosterone filled males are remarkably poor choices for fathers. Once a woman is pregnant or has a child her preferences in a mans face shift to the more 'feminine' calmer male as a good father figure. An older man has less testosterone and therefore make better raisers of their children than they are the genetic sire of said offspring. The documentary 'The science of Sex appeal' does a good job of covering this.

Long story short: Its not a 'normal' action for a fully mature mind to do. However, I cannot say if it is the 'norm' that people ARE doing these days. (Sort of like a fetish. The majority of people can do it, but it is not considered normal as in 'standard')

goddamnit girls these days are fucking stupid!

Ive kinda been thru the same...mom workd all day dad was a poor drunk till me nd him got in a fight when he hit my mom..now I was nine at tht age..i wud go to skoo and come back nd baby sit 2:00 to 11:00, nd my brother was only 2 months..now ive matured early to..i still baby sit with my sister but its easier now tht im home skoold,.

I dnt see other young adults wanting something serious like me of coarse I dnt wanna settle down jus yet..but its funny how many pretty young females degrade them selfs to lesser means..its not completely weird yuh have a chace at some thing serious instrad of games id say yuh follow thru with yuhr heart,

lOL you sound like me I was with this guy kinda around the same age when I was 18 (im 19 going2be20 in NOV) who was like yeah a lot older and he showed me a lot of new things

but I kind of agree with andrian007 (21330)
but maybe you like him cause he's like a guide for you or like a fathe role protector type thing I think its ok ☺

Okay look at this way if u now 18 and he 39 after 10 years you'll be 28 and he........ Big number I think so u think he'll be able like to clubbing with ya just think about with your mind not heart.

I married a guy 30 years older than me. Yes, I loved him and still do. But now he is 71 and not interested in sex and I am 40 and need sex and sexual attention. CRISIS HERE. It's all well and good until the male doesn't need you anymore. Then they turn into grumpy bastards who complain all the time and are negative pussies. STAY AWAY.

STAY AWAY FROM HIM!! Please - don't waste your precious youth on him. I speak from experience :/

The whole thing seems a bit creepy to me. Perhaps he is a nice guy, but something just does not add up.

Don't go for the first guy to come around. I guarantee you, that you will regret it.

Take things in their stride - and follow your heart above all. It is after all you, who needs to live with your decisions.

- Angel O:)