23 and a virgin, when will it happen?

72% Normal

When I was young I was rather over weight - over 220 pounds (although I am 5'10) now I am size 8 us and around 150 pounds give or take. I was pretty much ignored throughout my teens until i lost wieght at about 18.

I have never had sex. I know, it's an odd thing to admit. I'm 23 now and have been slimmer for about 4 years. but why?

When I went to college it was like a whole new world. I met a guy and we had a connection, become best friends in about two minutes and never left each others sides for a year. He was much richer than me, went to boarding school and was really beautiful in an odd way. He was popular and funny. I, it seemed, was too and we worked well as a team: we were invited to parties together, never alone, spoken about together etc etc. and we slept in each others beds, spoke for hours alone and watched movies, tv, read the paper whenever nothing was going on.

Then he got a girlfriend and moved on. and i was heartbroken. even though we had never kissed, i missed him so badly. I missed him stroking my hair and hugging me to sleep. I missed him calling 7 times a day just becuase some stupid thing had happened to a bird on the way to class.

And then time went on and i had to accept it, and we slowly became freinds again. His new girlfriend and I are now really good friens and talk about our old crush and about their new sex life. I still miss his big hugs but i don't feel funny when he walks in the room or think about him when i'm drunk.

But i thought i would lose my virginity to him, as i trusted him not to laugh at the less toned bits, or the belly. He still tells me that my legs are the longest and most amazing he has ever seen and I can;t say it doesn't make me happy. But i also makes me scared.

I haven;t trusted anyone since him not to judge me or make me feel inadequate when we have sex for the first time. I'v had things, flirtations and sexual liasons but never full, naked sex.

HOW ON EARTH AM I GOING TO CONVINCE MYSELF I AM WORTH IT. MY BEST FRIEND DIDN'T WANT ME WHOEVER WILL? will i be a virgin forever? is this normal?

Voting Results

72% Normal

Based on 165 votes (118 yes)

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Comments ( 28 )

russellnb

14 years ago

Why is sex so important. I find it ruins relationships. Soon as it happens things go downhill unless the relationship is based on sex and it is just something to do. Then why bother you can get the same feeling masturbating and not even have to get dressed and go out

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ReaperAJ

14 years ago

Don't feel pressured to lose your virginity by a certain age. It will happen when the time is right. The more anxious you get about it, the less it will happen, because you will begin to wear your desperation like a badge and most people don't respond well to desperation in others. Also, you don't want to get into a place where you're willing to just give it away to the first schmuck that comes along. Your first experience should be a happy one, although it doesn't always work out that way for most of us. There is nothing wrong with waiting, nor with saving yourself for marriage or that special person. Just don't be disappointed if it doesn't work out that the person you give it to doesn't stick around. That happens and then like before, you just have to move on. We all suffer broken hearts at some stage of our lives, and there is always the one that got away. In time, when you meet the one you love, you may even look back on this guy and realise that what you had was really good but nothing more than a friendship. I actually think that's so wonderful to be able to have such a close male friend that you can trust in that manner. I have never been so fortunate as to have a male friend that I can be that close to without sex coming into it. I understand your pain in losing what you had, that's natural and of course with him having a gf, it changes everything. At least you are trying though and have established a friendship with them as a couple, that's very big of you.

I lost my virginity at 14, to a 21 yr old that I was completely smitten with. I was SO young and stupid, and of course, he dumped me like hotcakes afterward. He must have totally got his freak on having a 14 yr old!!! Anyway, speaking from the total opposite end of the spectrum, having lost it so darn young I can attest to the fact that it's better to wait. I opened up my world to sex far too young, and my first real boyfriend and I engaged in sexual activity for 4 years during our relationship - I was 15 when we met. I had the constant stress of ducking and diving pregnancy and the stress of being in over my head with a now very serious relationship. My little resume consists of many lovers up until I got married at 24. When I met my hubby, he was a virgin at 22, on one hand I wish I'd waited and saved myself for him, it would have been nice to seal the deal that way.

On the other hand, there is some sense to to gaining experience before you get married and also getting it out of your system. If we're going to be realistic about things, then we must admit that only having sex with one person in your life is going to get very boring when you keep wondering what is out there and what you've missed out on. I can proudly say that I have never cheated on my husband and I attribute that to having experienced many different men before settling down. On the other hand, my husband - The Virgin - cheated on me several times after we married because he realised just

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- ReaperAJ
  
  14 years ago
  
  ooops, and forgot to mention that I'm overweight due to a medical condition that I'm battling with since my first pregnancy. My husband has a good body and is incredibly good looking, but he maintains that he loves me the way I am and even though I'm currently losing weight and he supports me, he is not concerned with my body, but more with how I am as a person and how I love him and look after him. It's not all about looks and your body, believe me. As large and lovely as I am, men are still after me, I can hardly sit in a bar for 2 minutes without men trying to get it on with me, some have even told me they don't give a damn that I'm married. So just relax, things will work themselves out, just stop putting pressure on yourself!
  
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SweetSherry

12 years ago

I don't know you and I'm actually proud of you, its a rare thing to find a girl your age that's a virgin. Trust me sex only complicates things try to hold on as long as you can you're young no need to rush, you'll know when its the right time to lose it.

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moni18

13 years ago

dude being a virgin is awesome its like a one of a kind thing, ur different from other girls, theres not alot of us girls (virgins) left, so be proud, waiting is a good thing, ur only 23, so chill, when u get married ur husband will be amaze that u were a virgin, hell be happy, hell know that ur true to urself,and he wont think anything bad, like "oh i wonder how many guys has she slept with already" so just chill and when the times right you'll know, best of luck

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christine

14 years ago

It sound like he did want you- a lot. Have you ever thought that maybe he was intimidated by you and too nervous to make the first move? My last boyfriend sounds a bit like you- he was always a little chubby and insecure about it. We were good friends for a while before he worked up the courage to ask me to be his girlfriend. He was 22 and never thought that he would ever have sex but he did. I made sure of that :) So don't worry- many people have waited longer than you and that is totally normal.

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FlyingSheilds

14 years ago

WHOOOOA! Flamers galore!

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andrian007

14 years ago

You should have jumped him, you really should have. It's probably the only reason the gf succeeded with him.

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WayOutThere

14 years ago

You knew him for a year, and slept in the same bed as he, yet you didn't have sex with him. You should have taken the initiative! As HitlerSausageSlave said, he was probably naive. Chalk this one up as a mistake in life, and move on.

There are plenty of other guys out there, put some effort into meeting them, and find someone you can trust. Preferably, someone who is EXPERIENCED. Tell him you're a virgin, and you'd like to learn the ways of the world. You'd be surprised how willing some men will be to 'help' you with your problem.

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fressia

14 years ago

You are so young don't worry! Also I think men just love to have us naked, don't worry about the flabby parts, we all have things that aren't perfect about our body but they really don't care so much. We see all these perfect women in the media well that is really not reality and most men must know that. :) and about the above comment, I don't think the point is to find some guy to buy you things. Just get out there and talk to guys your attracted to, you seem like a very thoughtful and pretty girl, you'll find the guy :)

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Lonely2

8 years ago

23 for a female is not young at all....you probably have some sort of sexual, anxiety or self esteem issues, maybe hormonal...see a sex counslor

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[Old Memory]

10 years ago

Ah, the pressure of losing your virginity. And once you've done it and got into the swing of things, you really wonder what the fuss to the lead up was all about.

It's the fuss to finding the right someone to be with that's a pain in the hymen.

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sanan22

11 years ago

don't force it. the first 4 times (give or take) are going to be terrible anyway, unless you are really in love with the person, but even then a kama sutra rule says refrain from sex for 4 days (starting from the first opportunity) to deepen the contact.

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tego

12 years ago

i not like guys tat r virgin they lack d sex moves. my boy friend disvirgin me at 21 never knew i was missing out.

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lillypoppy

12 years ago

girl or guy why would you want to have sex with your best friend?

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olivia82

14 years ago

Men are easy and it only take them about ten minutes to ejaculate. You are making a big deal out of ten minutes. be more assertive. or try girls.

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voltron180

14 years ago

i'll be glad to take your virginity away how bout it?????

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bob360

14 years ago

damn its so easy for a girl to get laid.. just call me lol ill do it for ya

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kaleidoscope

14 years ago

well if you're not ugly, i could help you out with your problem.

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lovechild

12 years ago

I don't like virgins

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HSVWHO

13 years ago

^ he will just wonder how many guys u gave head to. Lol

Go join a gym tone up and seduce him! :)

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jezzabella12

14 years ago

you had your chance to fuck him. now its gone, move on, go to a club . get drunk. and get laid. EASY

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- EJCRADIOSHOW
  
  14 years ago
  
  Shut up you stupid slut. Just because you don't care who you get STIs from, doesn't mean everyone else can be stupid, too. Go get pregnant by a guy you'll never see again. Who cares. FEELINGS are the wonderful things that means people connect and make actual LOVE that means something.
  
  F*ck up your life, but don't type any more useless comments.
  
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HitlerSausageSlave

14 years ago

You probably should have just had sex with him. He was probably naive about sex too, and the other girl jumped him and sort of raped him. I mean I wasn't there, but that sounds reasonable to me.

You probably are plenty hot enough to find a nice guy to lose your virginity with. All girls think they're horribly overweight.

There are a lot of older men in their 30s, who would probably buy you a lot of stuff, if they knew you were a virgin. Just keep it smart and don't let them have any love.

You should marry some nerdy guy, who is serious at school. He will be even less knowledgeable about sex than you are. Also he will be a good provider. If you marry him, he won't divorce you for cheating on him. Chances are he doesn't want to lose half his stuff.

Good luck finding the right mark. Lots of rich losers out there to choose from. You will have plenty of sex, when you get older.

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- funkman
  
  14 years ago
  
  HitlerSlave or w/e - Shame on You! Honestly I mean it. Some of you women are just F*cked in the head.
  
  She is a virgin who is not married, and you are telling her to already plan ahead as to what kind of husband you can cheat on?
  
  I am disgusted at you.
  
  Dont you have any respect for your men?
  
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- itsprobablyfine
  
  14 years ago
  
  Reading your comment was the weirdest thing. She actually did did jump him and it freaked him out so much that the next day he joked about how he had been raped BUT she persevered and now they've been together for 8months. Clearly need to tear a page out of her book!
  
  Realise the rich line looks a bit weird - I'm not looking for a rich guy, just hadn't met such a posh one before.
  
  Thanks for the advice though - I know I should just get over it but every passing month where nothing new or differnt happens in that 'area' makes all my other achievements (a degree, an MA, a new job the most wonderful and intelligent group fo friends) feel more meaningless, more like I am living a lie. (Emo i know.)
  
  Ah insecurity, what a wonderful invention.
  
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  - HitlerSausageSlave
    
    14 years ago
    
    If you have an M.A. you have an in with high society. Snob nob around, and sniff for well-to-do losers. Trust me. Tons of us are out there to be taken advantage of. Some guys will drop a couple thousand on a woman in anticipation of sex - sex that he will never get.
    
    Sex is a complicated game much like politics. It's Machiavellian and Darwin's rules of natural selection apply. Think of it like a scientific experiment. How do female tigers choose a mate?
    
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  - HitlerSausageSlave
    
    14 years ago
    
    I wasn't meaning that you should give it up for the rich guys and the old guys. What I was saying is just bait the hook and pretend. Get those duckets. That's what most of your friends are probably doing, if they are cute.
    
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Are You Normal?

23 and a virgin, when will it happen?