Would you date a man who was nice but?

Let's pretend you're really into this guy. He's kind, smart, hilarious and loyal. You laugh a lot, have fun together but he's lazy with his appearance. He's 25 but he's going bald, the little hair that he has is half grey, he's obese and when you hint about things like hair and weight in a polite way i.e I wonder what you'd look like with hair, do you want to join a gym with me? And he says he doesn't care about his appearance. What do you do? He looks like he could be your Dad because he already let himself go at 25 and he doesn't care about how he dresses either aka he doesn't put any effort.

Even going to a nice fancy restaurant he just wears a wrinkly plain white shirt that clings to his belly but he's a really nice guy, the nicest you've met and again he can make you laugh so hard you cry every time you're with him

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Comments ( 32 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • So, you're into an ugly guy with a fun personality? Meh, seems normal enough. Though the fact that he doesn't try to clean up is a little concerning.

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  • He probably has no control over the baldness and the grey. He can of course dye his hair; but, relatively few guys do that... they just let it get grey (and then white).

    You obviously like him. The key question is do you have any similar dreams and goals for the future. If he has a partner assisting him on some of his dreams and goals... you may find that he also improves his appearance based on your suggestions.

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  • I’m a really active person and to me that means that he’s not and that wouldn’t be compatible with me. But if you don’t need to be super active then sure!

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  • It sounds like you like him as a friend. You’re not physically attracted to him and the fact that he doesn’t care about looking after himself in the way that you do makes you incompatible. No-one’s done anything wrong here, you’re just two people who wouldn’t work as a couple.

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  • You are more concerned what people will think about you. Not what they will think about him. You are not good enough for him.

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    • I don't care what others think, it's his physical appearance that he puts no effort into that's what bothers me. He's around 280 pounds, doesn't care what he looks like or how he dresses. I really love his personality and we get along well but his sloppy disregard for his appearance gets to me

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      • Then you are the shallow one. Perhaps you are as ugly as a mud fence but he obviously doesn't care about your looks Beauty won't last forever. Even if your appearance is quite beautiful, your personality makes you more unattractive than his disheveled appearance. You see, he could always lose weight and dress himself up, but your personality will always be ugly.

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        • Okay then maybe I'm shallow because I don't find laziness attractive 🤷‍♀️

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        • Why so angry at OP? It's just her opinion. She just tends to prefer people who take care of themselves, and what's wrong with that?

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  • My first guy didn't. My second guy did snd my current guy does. A man with a nice butt is a wonderful thing! It's fun to look at. It's fun to grab. It's a fun thing. Men with nice butts are great

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  • For some reason, I read the title as "Would you date a man with a nice butt?" and was confused.

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  • Nope, why would I associate with someone I'm not physically attracted to as more than a platonic friend?

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  • Your expectations for his attractiveness are not reasonable. The compatibility issue here is activity. He likes being inactive. If you enjoy being inactive, even though your appearance is unaffected, the two of you are compatible. All is well.

    However, if you are naturally quite a bit more active than he is, the two of you will have problems. Be gentle with him when you say goodbye. Very few men have a heart like he does.

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    • If she's not attracted to him physically I don't see how they can be compatible as anything more than friends. Her lack of interest in this guy, because she doesn't find him attractive is normal. She has a right to her preferences.

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      • She is looking for a fixer-upper. You know, like these women that on the first date say, “get $10,000 of plastic surgery and I think you’ll look pretty good.”

        IMHO, the fixer-upper mode of operation is embraced by many women. After years of failed relationships, they eventually learn that this approach rarely, if ever, works.

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    • Totes agree.

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  • As long as he buys me whatever I want I don't care

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