Worth lose a friendship over an handjob?

26 Comments

Because of my disability and very conditioned life I am at 25 years old of age and have had zero sexual experience, not even a little masturbation. These past months I've been feeling a very agressive need to masturbate, but I can't really do it on my own. Because of my very limited social life where I have very little people who actually care to be around me, I have very little options when it comes to who may actually give me some handjobs for sexual pleasure. I firstly though of my mom, there's nothing pervert here because i'm just an incapacitated guy with a need to be fullfilled, but it would be to weird and unconfortable for me so no. Then I though of an older cousin of mine who is really nice and could possibly do it for me, but we aren't together that much and I feel trying an aproximation now would sound to weird, also she got a new boyfriend now, so no again. Of the possibilities with most chances to work I'm left with this girl who is my best female friend since I was 12. We are really cool and open with each other. (us 2 and another male friend used to have a lot of open talks about masturbation and sex back when we were teenagers, but because of my disability I kinda grew late and at that time I didnt have the needed so never came up with it). My question (finally) is - for more open and cool we are with each other I can never know how she would react if I asked her to masturbate me, so - do you think it's worth possibily losing my best friend because I ask her to help me with this and she goes mad and never wants to see or talk to me again???

No, it's not worth losing your best friend over an handjob.	56
Yes. If she doesnt want to help maybe shes not that good friend.	63

Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!

[ Report Post ]

Comments ( 26 )

Gspyder

9 years ago

Your disability doesn't entitle you to any special favors of course, but it seems like you two are close enough that you should be able to talk to her about it without her being offended. If you do though, it would probably be a good idea to tell her you don't expect her to actually do it to avoid her feeling pressured.

Comment Hidden ( show )

2

2
- FlatTire25
  
  9 years ago
  
  I know i'm not entitled to anything. And I know 99.99999999999999999% of the odds are that she says no. And I'm totally fine with that. If she says no I'll just stay where I am right now. I just don't want to get worst than I am, without the stuff done and without her friendship too.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
[Old Memory]

9 years ago

I dont think it would be worth losing a friendship, but it doesnt seem like too close of a friendship if you would risk ruining it. I do have a few questions and may be able to give better advice.
Is this girl someone you would like as a girlfriend? Have you discussed sex with her before? I personally dont see anything wrong with bringing these things up if she is someone you know well enough to have these conversations with. If she has implied in the past that she is not interested, then I would not bring it up again.
Im curious also what your disability is and how it effects your sexual and dating experiences if you dont mind me asking. I have trouble with these things as well, but do not have difficulty with friendships. What makes it difficult for me is I have difficulty reading people and do not understand emotional expressions well. Its difficult to connect with people without understanding them.
Advice I could otherwise give is sign up for dating sites and sex sites. There are plenty of them. Personally I have minimal experience with them because I am not very interested in online relationships. I tried it a bit with no success, but I also put no effort into it either, mostly because I have no sexual interest in people I dont know. i know there are also dating sites for disabled people as well and I have found disabled girls are more understanding. Groups on facebook are a good way to meet people as well as going to events. Meetup dotcom is a good site to find friends too.

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
- [Old Memory]
  
  9 years ago
  
  Also the fact that you considered your mother is beyond fucked up. I hope that statement was trolling because if you were that desperate you should just get a hooker. Search backpage. It is like craigslist, but craigslist doesnt allow escorts anymore, but anyone can get laid using backpage and a little cash.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  2
  
  2
- FlatTire25
  
  9 years ago
  
  I am going to try and answer in the most direct way to your questions so we don't lose much time here.
  - No, she's not someone I'd see or want as a girlfriend. Never felt that way about her during all this time and surely don't do now. I know for a fact that even if the low odds of her doing what I want come in my favour I can keep the necessary distance.
  - Like I said in my original post we used to have a lot of talks about sex and mostly masturbation back there when we were at the age of discovery (13-14). She and the other friend in my group we're 100% open with talking with me around treating me no different for beeing disabled. The only issue was that at that time I wasn't yet into this whole sex and stuff thing so I'd just listen to them and laugh at the jokes because I had nothing to say of my own. Nowadays and that we are more grown up, sex and masturbation isn't exactly the first subject we talk about just like that, but we are totally not shy about talking about it if it comes up for whatever reason.
  - Your next question is complicated to answer but I'm going to give it a try. My disability is a dystrophy that makes my muscles lack the protein that gives them strength. This means I have a 95% level of incapacitation and I can't do pretty much anything on my own. I can't get my arm to stratch my forehead (severe joint contractures) nor do I have strength to say raise a glass of water to my mouth (I can thankfully type on my keyboard because I never let myself be lazy and lose a little bit of strength and dexterity I have in my hands, it's like "my precious" you know ...). I guess from there you can guess pretty much why no one, be it friends , family or whatsoever want to spend even say an hour with me, and why 99% of my lifetime is time with my parents and sister at home (ok, im exagerating a little here but you get the point).
  - I think that you understand that online dating sites are a totally no go for me. Look, I'm a guy with an over than average Intelligence. Despite all the problems I'm my life I'm just about to finish my Computer Engineering degree at University. I don't even connect well with people from there or any other place around me (it's not like I don't want too, but I can't and they won't bother giving me a chance ...) so if there's one thing I'm sure I don't want to get into is girls from online dating sites making fun of me because I've got just so much problems in my life.
  Sorry for the long text that came up afterall. If you have any more questions, please shoot. I'm all up to answer them. And considering I'll probably never get a real fix for the issue, just talking about it makes me feel a little better, Thanks.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - [Old Memory]
    
    9 years ago
    
    Because you wouldnt be interested in her as a girlfriend I suggest not asking her to do this, but I did get a good idea. How about asking her to help you find a girl to have sexual activities with. Maybe she could give you better advice and recommend you to her friends and other girls. Not only that, but if she were willing to do it herself, she would probablly offer since the topic was already brought up, so you would know where she stands on the issue without having to make the conversation awkward.
    I do think you may be underestimating online dating and I will explain the pros and cons of it. There are plenty of dating sites for people with disabilities and in my experience disabled people are very unlikely to make fun of each others disabilities because they know what its like even if their disability is different. I know a lot of people with various disabilities and making fun of each others troubles just isn't something that happens. If they make fun of each other it's over non discriminating stuff such as being a bad room mate or stealing.
    The bad thing about dating sites for disabilities is they are not very populated. Unlike some sites where you can sign up for one site and have plenty of options, you may have to sign up for several disability communities to find many results.
    Depending where you live, there may be support groups for your disability as well.
    
    Never feel that joining dating sites and other communities for disabled people says anything bad about you. I have heard people say it hurts their self esteem but it shouldn't because most people want support from someone who understands and we all must experience something to understand it. Sadly disabled people are discriminated a lot still. I think this is something not everyone notices, but I have noticed.
    This doesn't mean we cannot have normal relationships with people who do not have any disability, but they will never understand what is like. We usually cannot even understand each other. I have a lot of blind friends, but I am not blind, so I do not understand what it would be like to be blind, but I can relate to being in a situation that can leave someone out of certain experiences in life.
    The reason I was not too into online dating is that I already have female friends and have already had sex in the past, so I'm just not too interested in dating or sex unless it just happens randomly. If I were focused on those things, then yes, I probably would try online dating. I don't think its a bad thing at all and think the internet is a great way to meet new people. I'm just indifferent to finding someone to jack off for me and am more focused in other things at the moment, so while it's not something I am interested in, it doesn't make it a bad idea for others.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    2
    
    2
    - FlatTire25
      
      9 years ago
      
      You are 200% right when you say that only other disabled people can know exactly how we other disabled people feel, and I know this is going to sound a little cold-heart but I'll be honest - I don't feel confortable near other disabled people. I'm a member of an association of disabled people and I hardly go to any of the meetings or activities. I have a number of reasons for this but I suppose the main one is that I'm totally agaisnt this whole idea that disabled people can only socialize with other disabled people (i think the same for just any other usually discriminated group like homosexuals, people of black race etc...) I know this doesn't have to happen, but it happens - because a lot of people think like this, that we just have to suck it up and live in a shell with the other disabled that they considerable "miserable people".
      
      The other reason why I don't feel to go into online dating and that with other disabled people is that I guess they'll have the same problems I have to travel and so beeing together will be hard if not impossible. And if it's not to be together and do some stuff together then It's not worth my effort. Yeah, say I'm already with a loser atitude before even trying, but I'm a guy with little strength and enthusiasm and I don't like to waste that little in stuff I know won't work.
      
      Changing subject a little - one thing I have been noticing as I try to read some literature and stuff online on sexuality and disability is that there's a lot of work done for mentally disabled but not for the physically disabled. There's this stupid idea that because we physically disabled are generally in an inteligent level as "normal" people we don't have any difficulties, stigmas and discriminations with it and so no one, from doctors, to scientists, to psychologists or even parents seems to care about it because they think we'll just talk about it normally and work out something. This is one thing that's been annoying me a lot lately.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      0
      
      0
      - [Old Memory]
        
        9 years ago
        
        I don't know where you heard disabled people are only supposed to socialize amongst themselves, but I have never heard anyone think that.
        
        The reason people with disabilities tend to know each other is because they meet programs such as support groups, work training and medical services. Also some may live in group homes where they receive at home medical care.
        
        This doesn't mean they don't know other people outside these things. I have friends with disabilities but I have friends without disabilities as well. I have gay and black friends too and I'm not gay or black. I wonder if the society you are in is more prejudice but where I am discrimination is highly frowned upon.
        
        I have not noticed the work done for people with mental disabilities as you described. I am in the U.S. and the mental health care is awful, putting many of them on the street and without treatment. I wouldn't say one is generally harder than the other either. Severity of impairment depends on the individuals situation.
        
        I am not sure what to say about being uncomfortable around disabled people. Disabilities shouldn't be something looked down on. It doesn't say anything bad about someone. Unfortunately nobody gets to choose their burdens. Life is often random and it is important to support each other through it.
        
        If you are not interested in hiring an escort or attempting to meet girls online, I would suggest searching online for some kind of jackoff toy. I don't know a lot about sex toys, but I am sure you can find something that will work without using your hands.
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        0
        
        0
  - Gspyder
    
    9 years ago
    
    You have a pretty cold opinion towards online dating. It's not inherently for losers, there are a lot of people who pursue it as an option because their lifestyle doesn't allow them to meet many people they could form relationships with, or to meet others with similar intentions or interests.
    
    Seems like it could be a good option for you, there are free ones like POF and ones specifically for people with disabilities.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    1
    
    1
RoseIsabella

9 years ago

If you ask her to give you a handjob and she dumps you as a friend then you deserve it, because she has a right to say no and is not obligated to fulfil your sexual needs. I had a male friend who once told me what he wanted to do to me and I dumped his sorry ass. We were best friends for 12 years, and you know what? I don't miss him, ever. He should have had more respect for me than he did.

If you value your friendship with this girl then I would seriously advice you to show her some damn respect and keep your mouth shut. If you don't give a shit about her feelings then go ahead and ask, its your loss.

I'm not trying to be this mean, cold hearted person, but please understand that you could lose a friendship. Most people tend to not want to perform sexual acts for those to whom they are not attracted.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- slings_and_arrows
  
  9 years ago
  
  Cant you see this is a bit of a delicate/unusual situation? I dont see how meaningful your friendship was with that person if you "dumped his sorry ass," just for having a human desire towards you. Surely it happens, you just say you don't want to do it and dont want it spoken of again. Seriously, what is wrong with you?
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - RoseIsabella
    
    9 years ago
    
    What's wrong with me is that when I set a boundary with my so called "friend" instead of saying "I'm sorry you don't feel that way towards me stop hitting on you", he persistented with so called jokes and propositioning me. When the offending incident happened where my "friend" told me exactly what he wanted to do to my body in explicit detail not only was I disgusted and horrified, but I also happened to be happily married.
    
    Not only did my ex friend disrespect me but he just disrespected my husband with whom he also claimed to be friends and our marriage vows. And for all of the above he is a sorry ass worthy of being dumped like a piece of shit, because he is.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    1
    
    1
    - FlatTire25
      
      9 years ago
      
      Your friend is just a bunch of stuff I better not name here. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      0
      
      0
- FlatTire25
  
  9 years ago
  
  Like I said up there, she has 101% right to say no. I'm fine I accept it if she does. I just want for our relationship to continue the same as it is whether she says no or not.
  
  I didn't take your post as mean or anything. Your opinnion, I respect it. I knew what I could get as awnsers when I brought the topic.
  
  I just want to take this in consideration - my situation is not like yours. I'm sure your friend is a normal free healthy guy who can get to just as many girls as he wants no matter how many dumps he gets like yours. Things don't work for me like that.
  
  Thanks for your input anyways.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - RoseIsabella
    
    9 years ago
    
    You're welcome thanks for being so gracious. Have you ever asked how she feels about you? I would ask that before asking anything else.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    1
    
    1
- [Old Memory]
  
  9 years ago
  
  I have a question I am interested to know your opinion.
  What is the appropriate way to find out if a female friend has sexual interest in you?
  This is not only something I am not sure of, but something that many guys seem to not understand. I talk to people on other forums as well and this is a common topic.
  Personally I have as many female friends as male friends. Many of them are in relationships and I am friends with my ex-girlfriends as well. I honestly value friendship more than sex, but I do find most my female friends to be sexually attractive as well.
  I dont base my friendships off that, but if one of female friends who was single and attractive to me offered me sex, I would be very likely to take the offer.
  If I were to have another relationship I would want to ask someone who I have known for a long time. I dont feel like having a relationship now, but someday when I am older I would like to be with whoever has impressed me the most and I think would make the best partner. I am actually being more logical by strategizing life instead of getting involved with someone right away although sometimes I wonder if my life will pass by faster than it seems. I have so much I want to do and have not met anyone who wants the same things as me.
  I realize I may be different than most guys in that I don't feel sexually attracted to someone until I have been friends with them for a while. It seems like a lot of people are opposite of this, but I am not sure.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - RoseIsabella
    
    9 years ago
    
    Hmm... Honestly, I like what you've said about this and the way you're going about it. I honestly think the demisexual mode of thought is a healthy way.
    
    I guess there are a lot of cues with body language, but to be honest I'm not the best at explaining all of that. I think it's best to communicate and ask another person what his or her feelings are about me despite what most neuro typical codependents seem to think about it being awkward or breaking the preverbial mood to have actual blunt and open verbal communication. If there's one thing I really respect and appreciate about people on the autism spectrum it's blunt honesty. Too many people get wound up trying to manipulate and read the minds of others to further their own selfish motives.
    
    I just think if someone wants to ask for sexual favors out of the blue when there is presently no loving, romantic relationship in place the person asking for the favors should be prepared to face rejection, anger and resentment from the person they're asking the favor from before they ask for that favor.
    
    I personally don't grant sexual favors to anyone no matter hard up they are or how sob a story they have. I don't want to be sexually intimate with anyone I'm not in a loving, committed and monogamous, romantic relationship with already. I don't owe anyone anything and no one owes me anything within the bounds of friendship. I prefer Platonic friendship.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    1
    
    1
    - FlatTire25
      
      9 years ago
      
      I really liked your post. So very well written I don't even know what to say. Thanks.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      1
      
      1
      - RoseIsabella
        
        9 years ago
        
        Thanks. :-)
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        0
        
        0
Rightrageous

1 year ago

I don't think so, but I think there is another option. I think you could get in touch with a professional (an escort) to help you out with that. If you ask your friend, whatever her answer/reaction, you are probably going to ruin your friendship with this person, which could have a domino effect on other aspects of both your lives. I know, an escort may sound wrong at first, but she would be up for it, nobody would get hurt, nobody will know, no side effects.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
DarthVulvatron

7 years ago

I wouldn't lead with that question. Ask her favorite color first.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
jeffg

9 years ago

The thing is, is there a way you can bring somebody into the mix that you can trust to maybe ask her for you? They have to ask in a way that the girl doesn't know that you are the one asking to make it so that she can be the one asking you.
For example you ask a trusted friend,(One that you and the firl both know and trust) tell a trusted friend that you are horny yet unable to relieve yourself. ask him if he thought if he asked her saying you were talking and he tells her your situation as he is really sexually frustrated, he is horny but is unable to fap by himself. Do you know anyone who might be able to help him?
Another option is to get a toy possibly?

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
Nokiot9

9 years ago

You can't masturbate? Because of ur disability? That's tough. Shit... I can't imagine how fucking frustrating that is. And to have ur girl bail on u because u can't do it urself. Wow... What a cunt. Maybe u should move to japan. They have government paid sex workers. It's 100% legal there for ur nurse to jerk you off. They have medical workers specifically there for that purpose. Idk why they don't do that here. It's inhumane as hell in my opinion to expect someone who is handicapped to never have sex or whatever, just because someone ps legs don't work it doesn't mean their dick doesn't. I think if I had a friend in your position, even if I weren't attracted to em I'd give a helping hand if they asked. There's gotta be something else wrong with ur girl.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- FlatTire25
  
  9 years ago
  
  People have no idea what it's like to be in bed having your sexual fantasies, feeling aroused and wanting to rub yourself and not beeing able too because your hand doesn't reach your genitals due to severe joint contractures. It's like one of the worst things ever.
  
  And by the way, this girl I talked about is not "my girl". It's a friend only and she didn't bail on me because I didn't ask her yet about anything (I wouldnt be here asking for feedback if I already had done it).
  
  Moving to Japan would be nice, but for someone like me even going to the other side of town can be a nightmare, so yeah ...
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - Nokiot9
    
    9 years ago
    
    Maybe they'll legislate something like that here soon.II'm sure every dumb ass will be up in arms saying its prostitution, but hopefully something will happen.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
RainbowDischarge

9 years ago

Handjob, no. Blowjob, yes.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0

Are You Normal?

Worth lose a friendship over an handjob?