Will the age gap pose an obstacle?

Grunewald here.

So I have met a guy who is 11 years younger than me. We both like the same anime; we both like singing; we are both Christians (in the same way as each other), and we speak the same languages. We are both far from home; he is mixed nationality, but one of his parents is from the county where my granddad was from and there are so many cultural similarities.

It is very clear that he is on the autistic spectrum. I don't mind this at all; many of my dearest friends and the people I've admired are on the autistic spectrum too, and autistic spectrum folks feel like my 'tribe'.

I don't know him very well at all; he is incredibly shy, but also incredibly obvious. I find him beautiful; a lot of people probably wouldn't, but he is my 'type', and his stims and quirks are adorable. And my goodness, when he looks into my eyes and smiles, the fireworks are something else. He asked for my number, and although we aren't from the same church, he asked which church services I go to that aren't at the same time as his, so that we could hope to both turn up to it.

The one red light was that when my married Gen-Xer friends invited him and me to a restaurant he said 'Uhh, I left my wallet at home' and I am wondering if that was his way of saying 'I don't want to pay'. I mean, the very idea of him paying would have been ridiculous and greatly unfair: he's a poor university student, I'm a high school teacher, I don't even really know him and he hadn't asked me out in the first place: my well-meaning friend saw us greatly enjoying each other's presence at the end of a Christmas church service and invited us both. Still, saying 'I've left my wallet at home' was not a magnanimous way of dealing with the situation. But he could also just have left his wallet at home.

Is the age difference going to be an obstacle, do you think? And is the red flag a likely deal-breaker?

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Comments ( 14 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • I grew up around people 10-12 years older then me I also had a tumor removed from my spinal cord leaving me in a wheelchair when I was 15. I had a crush on a women 12 years older then me when I was 13-14 she also dated younger guys most the time. I would go places with her like go get food or other stuff. We would talk on the phone at night and when I turned 18 I was waiting for her to be single to ask her out and each time that we would hang out I always got myself hyped up saying that I was going to do it but didn't until I was 20 and her being 32. She responded with I don't think your mother would appreciate that very much. It took me a few months of persisting it and one day we went to a beach and cooked food on a grill and I pulled her onto my lap and kissed her we have been together for 11 years now. We find that we have enough in common but also can do our own things and be happy. I also am mature for my age so that helped a lot

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  • Under the condition that both parties are both adults (neither young adult) this kind of age gap should be fine. It is kind of weird if you imagine that you were 11 when they were born, but once the path to maturity has been trodden, gaps like that are negligable. Sometimes so negligable that both people may seem the same age.

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  • No idea how old you are but if you're gen x and he's a millennial that's not a big deal considering millenials are all late 20s and older now so they've been adults for a while and 11 years isn't a huge gap BUT if you're 30 and he's 19 that's a bit weird so depends on the ages. If he's 30 and you're 41 not weird at all.

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  • Not that much of an obstacle.

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  • Age differences can be a source of tension or difficulty in any relationship, but it is ultimately up to the individuals involved to decide whether or not an age gap poses a problem for them. It is important for couples to communicate openly and honestly with each other about their feelings and needs, and to be understanding and respectful of each other's perspectives and concerns. If you are concerned about the age gap in your relationship, it can be helpful to discuss these concerns with your partner and to seek the guidance of a therapist or other mental health professional.

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  • Anime is a slight against god!

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  • You fucking child perv! This is the most outrageous post I have ever seen with my own two goddamn eyes. You admit that you're an adult that LIKES underaged girls? Wtf is wrong with you?

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