Why is my girlfriend racist

I met my girlfriend online but have since met up with her in real life and had a relationship with her. When I first met her, she just seemed to be everything I was looking for. She is extremely attractive, extremely intelligent, witty and funny and to me she is the kindest, sweetest person ever but she is also just extremely racist.

She can not go one day without saying the n word or other racial slurs, she is extremely anti immigrant and said about asylum seekers that we should “just string a few up on the cliffs of Dover as a deterrent for the next lot,” she has also said that we need a “final solution” to Muslims and blacks in the UK then when I questioned her about it she said she was joking. She also sympathises with Mussolini and said that the Nazis had a “noble goal” but that she “doesn’t mind Jews.” And countless other comments like this that she makes every day.

She is far from being the typical violent, ignorant idiot you associate with having these views. She is extremely intelligent and sweet. My best guess was that she was just raised that way and I could educate her but after meeting her parents, I’ve found that they by no means agrees with her views. Although they do make some concessions for her and basically just allow her to speak her mind unchecked. None of her friends seem racist either.

It bothers me but probably not as much as it should. After dating her for a while and seeing how she is perfect for me in other respects, I’m probably more inclined to just ignore it and accept that everyone has their flaws.

Edit: she is 22 and I am 25

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  • She was raised where this behaviour was accepted. She has seen it many times.

    While she can change (I did) that will likely require her recognizing that she is unjustly hurting other people by prejudging them. You are unlikely to be able to do that; although you should at least tell her that her behaviour is unaceeptable to you... and the reason you are breaking it off.

    Yes, I do suggest that you end it... and tell her clearly why. Perhaps that will make her think on the issue; and perhaps not.

    Concerning my personal experience. I was raised to be racist against Negros and somewhat against the American Indian - even though my mother is 1/4 Pottawatomie (and I am 1/8).

    When I joined the US Navy it did not take more than a few months when I realized that what I was seeing by the actions and performance of the Negros did not align with what I had been taught by my parents.

    So I started to pay much closer attention - and totally changed my views such that by the 1 year mark of my time in the US Navy I was no longer racist.

    I don't fault anyone for being raised as a racist. I do fault them for not looking around in the real world and noticing that much of what they were taught is not correct.

    Real adults learn and change. Unfortunately, there sure are a lot of children in adult bodies running around.

    While I do suggest that you break up... I do wish you well in the future in finding someone more open minded.

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  • If I had a racist girlfriend I'd just tell her " You cannot go around saying that! " and other strict measures if necessary.

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    • Is that like a fetish for black ppl? Dress up as a slave and have a white girl master call em negros? If I was black id probably be into that

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  • As long as she's not being disrespectful to those people it isnt a big issue. And a lot of us racists like to talk a lot of shit but when it comes down to it I doubt she would want a bunch of asylum seekers hung. Question her more with that and see if shes just talking shit. Thats kinda fucked if she really is the kind of person that could agree with ppl being executed like that.

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  • I’d estimate a solid 70% of the “genuine” racist shit I’ve heard, came from women.

    Really surprising actually.

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  • Her age might be a relevant factor here. Many young people go through a phase when they're desperate to show - to themselves and others - that they're unique. There was a time not that long ago when it was perfectly normal to be casually racist, but that's no longer socially acceptable, so her being deliberately racist marks her out as different. It could also be simple, juvenile attention-seeking.

    Obviously, she's got this crap from somewhere and I suspect she's been sucked down some slimy social media rabbit holes. You say you believe she's intelligent, but anyone who talks about the Nazi regime having had "noble goals" clearly doesn't have any real understanding of the Nazi's political philosophy, the character of the party's leaders, what actually happened in Germany in the 1930s and 1940s and what the Germans did in the countries they invaded and occupied. I imagine her understanding of all that is a very warped and selective version of history that comes from neo-Nazis or fascist apologists. As for Mussolini, I'd be willing to bet she actually knows fuck-all about that fat twat, and she has no idea how his ego and delusions led Italy into disaster.

    Alternatively, it might actually be much worse than adolescent posturing and simple ignorance: she could be somewhere on the psychopathic scale. "I was only joking" is a defence often used by people like that when they're trying to figure out the boundaries of just how honest they can be about what's going on in their head. Her suggesting mass-slaughter of those different to herself might just be her being edgy and deliberately outrageous, but it is possible that she truly feels that would be a sensible solution because she has no empathy, and what you perceive as her "sweetness" is nothing more than an act.

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  • your girlfriend has been negatively influenced to what she has seen and been raised with, if that's what she's seen most of her life then it's the only thing she'll understand which is racism. it will take her a long time before she realizes the issue that comes with racism and why it can impact society. Only can she get out of the racist slumber and come to her senses with encouragement, but like it said it may take a while.

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  • I would ditch her, no one actually thinks those thoughts.

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  • She sounds like she's part of the alt-right scene.

    From what I've heard about it, in some iterations it operates like a secret society with its signals, symbols, shibboleths and dog whistles that are more or less known to outsiders. The lines between merely tolerating the ideology, mocking it, parroting it mindlessly, appropriating it for your own ends, and actively supporting it, are blurry. Until you're in a real-life dilemma, you don't know whether you'd go from being a passive hanger-on of a social circle that just happened to be racist, to being a person who actually treats another person with less favour because of negative associations built up around their community or origin, from within your racist social circle.

    I would personally not date someone who was even peripherally involved.

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  • Pfff slang doesnt mean anything if you are not inherently racist words are words. In your girlfriends case it's best to see if she genuinely believes that her race is superior based solely on the race.

    I have no problem saying nigger. Since I'm not racist and I dislike actual racists.

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