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First off she's 12, and thinks she knows everything.But she has her moods to where she refuses to anything I ask her. she gets ugly and yells, wants to fight me and blatantly lies to me. she follows me too the bathroom, I can't even close my bedroom door.. Mind you im the adult..she questions everthing i do... i want to smack the crap out of her. like who does she think she is. I have tried a number of things..im at a loss help me please
Totally normal. Preteens/teens go through a lot that you can't see. Don't do anything too harsh. Especially since she is clinging. This means she cares about you still and isn't just being a brat. I would seek counselling for you two to go to together even though that sounds cheesy. For communication. Most the time they just don't want to talk to their parents about things. She might resist going though. I would totally understand if she did resist. Think about yourself at that age. Would you want to sit in the same room with your parent while someone tried to read you like a children's book?
Just try to understand as well as thinking about added challenges of modern day preteen/teen life.
What challenges?
Someone wiping her ass?
Whay I'm wondering is why does she go into the bathroom with him.
Ewww
There are still challenges I hope you do know that. Things like bullying, class work, social issues, peer pressure, self image issues, societal pressure, ect. The rate of suicide in the U.S. alone is going up. If we are talking about overall people who are supposed to help usually are a problem or ignore the problem. Luckily this girl's parent seems to care and want to help.
She is being clingy for a reason we can't see so that's why suggest talking to someone.
I dont understand why people think this is normal just because she’s 12. When my brother is 12, he never acted like this, actually none of my siblings did.
Hey if I were you, I would consult with a specialist ALONGSIDE your daughter. There must be things she would prefer to tell other people. Being a parent is always demanding but it's equally rewarding if you're a good parent.
Maybe she’s not feeling good? If that’s the case then try to help and don’t give up even if she doesn’t want it.
If she’s just being a spoiled brat, assume authority and don’t back down. If she is being a brat it’s likely because you haven’t taken enough responsibility of her. Be the alpha.
The problem with your post "want" should be replaced with "do" when it comes to slapping lol.
If this was correct, she wouldn't be acting this way now.
Her actions show she doesn't respect you and takes you for a fool, which by how you handle this and her, you are exactly that.
Sure, hate on me for saying when she was younger she needed a spank but SOME kids do NEED one.
A timeout for burning the house down??
Nah, have the punishment fit the crime or stop breeding and raising these selfish, entitled pieces of shit that everyone else will have to deal with
Garbage in, garbage out.
Why first make a brat, then complain about it? What are you stupid??!
Physical violence is never a good strategy for disciplining kids. It might seem like it’s working, but in a long-term, it’ll backfire on you. Kids should obey their parents because they respect and love them, not because they’re scared of them. Counseling is probably the best solution for this.
Yeah right, physical violence against someone smaller than you always solves the problem, doesn't it? Doesn't it?
It sounds like you have let her take over your life. If that's the case you haven't seen anything yet. Try sitting her down and explaining the rules of the house and if she breaks a rule she gets grounded but I think it's gone way past that point. I'll assume you're a single parent. Things are going to get way worse, trust me. For your own sanity I would consider fostering her out for a couple of years. My wife was in that situation and she ended up fostering her daughter out. Today they are best friends. She is married and has two kids and one kid was acting up and she had to put him in a special school where they were able to settle him down. Good luck.
Yeah, no. Fostering a child out causes them to feel abandoned and they’ll never forgive you. I know first hand because my birth mom abandoned me for adoption and put my brother in fostercare. I wasn’t even a brat and was just 3 and she abandoned me because she says she “couldn’t take care of me”. I know that’s bullshit because she did it to my brother too who was 9. We both hate her now.
This situation is different if you took the time to read the circumstances.
I did read it. Her daughter is being very disrespectful to her. That doesn’t warrant putting her into fostercare. The problem with parents these days is they don’t want to take responsibility to actually train their kids. If your kid is being disrespectful, that’s your problem. You shouldn’t be dumping it off on to other people. And do know what made the kid settle down? How do know that school didn’t abuse him? Despite what they’re supposed to be, many of those places are not safe for children.
Take responsibility. Show your child that you are the boss. Actually care about and love them. Don’t hurt them and try to understand if they’re going threw something and be gentle, but also be firm in your rules and stick to them. Let your yes mean yes and your no mean no always.
I don't know if this is any help, but I'll tell you anyway. My daughter (against both our wishes) lived with her father from the age of 5 to 13, when he died and she came to live with me as a rebellious teenager I had no idea how to handle.
She was angry and violent and stole from me, which was horrible because we'd both always wanted to be together.
A friend with a daughter the same age suggested I respond calmly and consistently with such statements as "I am not going to allow you to hit me" or "When you ...... (do whatever it was) I feel (whatever it was) and I want you to ....... suggest an alternative". For example, if she's stealing sit down & include her in the your financial situation, work out a reasonable amount for an allowance.
It took a while and she also had some counselling, but it was worth it.
The suggestions to foster out a 12 year old or show her the door are just ridiculous: she didn't ask to be born and she is your responsibility (along with her other parent, who isn't mentioned): you're the grown up and if you can't work out a reasonable way of responding you need to get some counselling/parenting advice yourself.
Humour can help too: when I'm caring for my grand daughter and she spends too long in the shower or leaves lights on all over the house< i go into a routine that the water or electricity people have rung up and complained and they're on their way to talk to her. She knows it's a joke, but it works better than yelling "get out of that shower now" or "turn off lights when you leave the room".
Basically what is happening is she feels too secure. If at all possible, try to instill in her that her being there is NOT contributing to the household.
Tell her she knows where the door is if she doesn't like it at home.
Or you could sit her down and explain in a nonchalant manner that you know she hates it there so you will be seeking other options for her to stay.
What about sending her to her dad? What about some other relative? If nothing else, look into foster care.
If she is just being a shit sometimes, that is normal. If it is overwhelming, like if she is rude to you, failing school, causing problems around the neighborhood... Foster her ass OUT. You won't likely regret it. Yeah you will be sad for maybe a day or two but it is like divorce - just days after you get used to the peace and quiet.
Maybe foster isn't safe, i do not know. Just think of it as an "advanced discipline measure".
Extreme situations require extreme measures.
Talk about a throw away approach: she's not a piece of rubbish, she is a HUMAN BEING and you're suggesting that because the parent can't cope the child should be fostered out? And you'd "show the door" to a 12 year old?
I was half that age when my step dad started with threats about kicking me out.
I'm sorry that happened to you, that should never have happened.
I know a woman who whinges that her daughter (now in her early 20's) "abandoned the family" when she was about 15, but I'd heard that mother tell the girl when she was much younger than that to "just get out and live on the streets where you belong". I was outraged and told her so: that and the issue of hearing the girl screaming from several houses way while being belted led to the end of the friendship.
The mother, who was a Hare Krishna fuckwit, also wanted to send the daughter away to an ashram in India where an older sister had been raped by the guru in charge and from memory that was the final straw for the daughter which led to her leaving home.
The daughter & I did become friends, but she moved a fair way away so I don't see her as often as I'd like.