Why am i here

Invent a little mantra for you to say to yourself over and over, everytime the sadness hits you badly. I have worked with people suffering the way you are. The mantra is something many have found helpful, like a list of the things to be glad about.

People can also manage their lives successfully, especially if they are on the right medication. And if you are on medication....do not stop it the moment you feel a little better!

dayummmm

Did you mention something about disabilities?
If this is the case I do realy feel sorry for you, and sympathise how this must make you feel very depressed.
If you are refering to your depression as the disability, I am sorry about this too, and the fact that you are not alone in this, you have a husband and children, (you did not state their ages or how many you have) You are so very lucky compared to many people who are truly suffering, relentlessly, and all alone with no husband to come home too to comfort them. Please try to imagin for one minuit their plight. If you think about this, it should clear you of a lot of your misery.
If your children are older, and less dependant on you, you should think about getting out of the house and getting a job, even volantary.
Why not go and visit some people who are lonely and destitute, with no husband, family or friends, and see what you could do to help them. I suppose I am saying pull yourself together! things could be worse.

You are in deep, deep pain.

Please convey that to your Dr and husband. The Dr needs to monitor & adjust your meds which are sounding none too effective. Your husband will want to do what he can with you and the household to provide comfort and care.

You are ill. You must let your care givers provide the care you need. You will get better, but help them help you.

I have been there at that point after my second child was born. I have also tried to kill myself with an overdose of my anti depressants. I ended up in hospital for 2 weeks where I received some therapy from a psychologist, loads of drugs (which I wasn't too happy about) from a psychiatrist and most of all a break from it all and lots of rest and time to think things over. I do highly recommend it. Not a full-on psyche unit, but a hospital with a depression ward is a great start to getting sorted out. You may have bipolar or even clinical depression - there IS a difference. The thing is not to give up on yourself, you are worthy and loved even though you feel you aren't. Many people suffer as you do - I am one of them. Some days life seems pointless to me and I indulge myself in a fit of depression and crying before mentally kicking myself back to reality and pulling myself together. I am no longer on drugs to treat this, but that was MY choice, not recommended by doctors, if they had their way, they'd medicate me to the eyeballs, I'm sure. I found in myself after about 2 years of treatment that I was once again strong enough to cope with this without the drugs. I think I do pretty well and live a pretty normal life. I also do battle with the fear of crowds and people and going anywhere at all, but I force myself to do it and sooner or later I relax. Just get help - start with a referral from your family doc to see a psychiatrist and work from there. Remember, "shrink" might be a scary or ugly word, but he is a specialist in this field and best suited to helping you.

Get help and let us know how you're doing at some point. Sending lots of love your way. :*

If you have nothing to be depressed about such as marital problems, financial problems, employment problems, etc...then your problem is chemical and you need to seek treatment. Not only for yourself but for your family. Even if you don't want to stay on medications forever, they can provide you with the boost to go out and find something to be happy about: a new hobby or some new girlfriends. Then perhaps you can gradually come off the meds. If not, hey, being on mood stabilizing medication is better than wanting to die all the time.

As PoisonFlowers said before me, talk with your husband and talk with your doctor. Communication is key in everything you do. Your husband always has your best interests in mind and he is most likely willing to do whatever he can to help you feel better.

Your doctor is also best equipped to provide you with the help you need for your pain, and it's very important to keep an open dialogue with your doctor, even if you think issues are minor, sometimes they are not.

As for the suffering, no one knows why it happens. But it happens to a lot of people. The best thing you can do is to understand that you are not alone. It is okay to feel the way you do. Don't be embarrassed, be communicative. People will understand.

There are many people who love you who want to see you happy, and it's okay to rely on them sometimes if you don't feel strong enough to do it alone.

Oh no :( I'm sorry that you are suffering. You are not alone! Please talk to your husband about this. There are people who love you. You don't have to struggle with this alone.

This depression and anxiety is treatable. Please talk to someone so that you have support with this. Have you told your doctor that the medication you are using isn't really working?

As for your last question...I truly cannot answer that. I just hope that you get through this and can spend much time with the people you love, since they are what matters the most to you.