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What if your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend wants to get back together with you. However, you already have a new girlfriend/boyfriend at that moment. What would you do?
| Reject them. | 38 | |
| Date both of them at the same time. | 4 | |
| Other (Comment answer) | 3 | |
| Break up with your current partner to get back with them. | 1 |
Honey, I'm not with anyone, and I've been steadily flying solo for the past three years, but if my ex-boyfriend suddenly came around, and asked me to get back with him I'd tell him to take a hike!
I know I've probably said this a thousand times, but an ex is an ex for a reason.
Reject them. Exes are exes for a reason (it's rarely a good idea to get back together) and if things were currently going well with the new SO, there would be no reason to break up with them.
Imo no ones relationship is the same... there might be multiple common factors but not 2 people are the same (not even twins). The way you ask your question it's not enough details on the whole situation (I haven't read the comments either) but if your with someone then NO. UNLESS your absolutely sure its gunna work back out with your ex and then you let your current go instead of dragging them along as a back up plan.
Giving the lack of details, it's really a personal judgment thing, but definitely dont drag your current along if you do have plans on getting back with your ex.
No one could blame you for considering it - we've all made that mistake at some point in our past. But it is always a mistake.
Leave it in the past. Move on.
Ex:"hey how about we start dating again"
Me:"prithee ...(dramatic pause) get lost"
Depends on why we broke up and if I am over them or not, then also depends how much I like my new boyfriend and how long we dated. But the biggest factor would be who treated me better as a person, ex or boyfriend?
Why did you break up in the 1st place?
Has something significant happened with either of you that really changes how either of you feel about that situation.
People do have life changing events. People also mature and change which is usually a long term process (typically a minimum of 5 years and more often 10+ years).
Without any of those there is very little chance of it working between the two or you; and I recommend to just move on with your current GF
If there really was a life changing event and things look possible; and you are actually interested. Then you need to discuss this reappearance and possible possibility with your current GF.
She may not have strong feelings (or be questioning things with you) and tell you that she was not that interested in you will move aside to allow you to date your ex again (and it will be over between the two of you).
She may tell you that she appreciates your honesty and that she was really interested in you and would like to stay together; but, that you have to chose between your previous and her (and its over between the two of you if you chose the old GF). Personally, I'd recommend you staying with the current GF if this is her answer. She's likely a good long term companion and match as she understands certain things about life.
She may tell you she understands and still wants to be with you and its OK to date both at once (assuming the old GF is willing to share you as well - and you would need to tell and get the old GF to agree to a shared relationship up front).
Note that while personally this is the best answer for me as I'm poly and have actually had 2 active GF's most of my adult life (they have always known about the other - and usually have met: honesty works). I caution you that it actually takes a special person to be able to adequately emotionally care for and share 2 long term lovers and life partners. It takes a lot of communication skills and joint working though issues between the 3 of you. Most people cannot pull this off. If you are the kind of person that can... enjoy life with both agreeable partners...
Key though, is that I feel strongly that your current GF has a say in this. She's your GF for a reason - and you need to respect her. Telling her what is going on in your life (and mind) is a key part of that respect. Long term relationships are built upon trust. Trust her - and she will also start to trust her back.
I wish you the best in sorting this out - and have a great future and life,
As a follow-up: You do know that you need to be careful about how you discuss this with your current GF.
What kind of GF is she? Just for fun FWB, or more serious as a possible long term life partner and/or marriage?
Any discussion with your current GF needs to start with verifying that you are interested in her and why... and let her tell you the same. That discussion alone might make you forget about your "X".
Then, if appropriate you can raise this other possibility that you have been offered or are potentially interested in.
That might be just a comment that you are glad she sees things like you do - and "X" asked to get back together again and you prefer her (your current GF). That's a great way to cement and build a real long term relationship.
It might be that "X" has asked to get together again, and what do you think about that? (or some variation on this).
Do not, under any circumstances, raise the possibility of a shared relationship unless you have already cleared that with "X" in advance - and let "X" know that your current GF will have to agree and has the right to say no, or put reasonable rules on a shared relationship.
In my opinion, your current GF has the right to put reasonable rules on a shared relationship. She's your current primary relationship - and she gets to set the rules.
As an example of such rules is that my wife requires that not only does the lady meet my strict standards for a long term partner(which my wife knows well - and I don't do flings or hook-ups); but also that there is full 10 panel STD testing with no problems (other than common cold sores - which is now included in full STD testing even though almost all of its transmission is non-sexual from older adults to children just by normal contact). Also, that while my wife understands that in order for us to have a real relationship - that I must spend time with, care about, and spend a certain amount of money for gifts and activities... that it must be clear that I'm spending more time and more money on herself (my wife) than another. I.e. my wife is my primary, and to be treated as such. My wife has also ruled our bedroom off limits to others (there's a guest room for that), and no overnights without my wife's permission and consideration for when she has the time to play host to a house-guest (she has never said no when I have asked).
That does not mean I cut others short. I'm usually told by the other partners I have had that I have treated them better and spent more quality time with them than any other BF they have ever had.
I hope this clarification helps. I should have included it in my original post. But, as always: Hindsight is 20/20.
I wish you well with this.
You should only do it with caution.
Reject them if they've acted like a jackass.