What do you call this kind of person?
It's the kind of person who has suffered a lot in their life, and has a particular style of relating to others that is especially bound up in what they have suffered. I want to understand this kind of personality. I am going to give a bit of a caricature to make it easier to 'see'.
They are not narcissists: they can be very kind and empathetic, and they associate with and care for the weak, with a genuine desire to help them. However, they are incredibly self-absorbed as they do so, and protective and almost competitive about their own victimhood status.
1) They might seek out younger people who have suffered a lot and make out implicitly that they haven't suffered as much as them, and they can patronise like a 'wise old guru'.
2) They have a tendency to talk about themselves a lot and at length, in conversations that were originally about someone else's suffering.
3) They may start telling you a story about themselves that you didn't ask to hear, then stop in the middle and say 'but the meaning of this particular detail is a divine revelation that is too intimate for me to tell you'.
4) They may write messages about themselves and their day in a slightly cryptic, poetic way instead of positively helping you to understand.
5) They don't express genuine joy when you achieve something great in your life, or genuine appreciation or even that much interest when you create a piece of art or music that others have called beautiful. It is only when you credit them with being 'wise' or 'strong' that they praise you for your evaluation of *them*. That is, they don't seem to be as interested in your talents as they are in your admiration of theirs.
6) They presume to speak 'wise' words about suffering and are affronted when others disagree politely, because others 'couldn't understand' suffering like they do. And they expect a sympathetic audience when they do so.
7) They are easily triggered and act out but do not show as much tolerance towards other people acting out when triggered, as they seem to think they deserve, themselves.
8) If someone appears to be in greater distress than them in a given moment, they might say 'I was where you are, way back, and I have moved forward in my healing now', and instead of going for the 'biggest victim' role, make out that they're 'the one who has come the furthest'.
9) They over-disclose about specific things but do not reveal the big thing that caused their suffering, even though it is the entire grounds for their public face to the world.
10) If you don't understand them as they want to be understood, or don't give them the emotional reaction they want, you somehow feel like you've just done something mean.
They seem to presume that the fact that they have suffered greatly puts them above others, and gives them a special entitlement to be treated with a form of deference.
What is this sort of person? I have met a number of them and I really want to understand how to relate to this type without getting infuriated or being mean to them. A psychological typology-label or 'diagnosis' would make for an easier look-up, if you could offer one. And if you can't - could you say if you've ever come across someone like this? It's not just the 'eternal victimhood' mindset. There's more entitlement about it that that.