What can i do? should i do anything?

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8 Comments

My partner has gained quite a bit of weight the past couple months. I love him so much, appreciate, and care for him and I'm starting to worry about his health and to find his body unattractive. Before him I only dated slim guys and so to begin with I was going out of my comfort zone dating him, but its beginning to be concerning.

He smokes, eats a lot of fast food, and lives a fairly sedentary lifestyle. We don't live together so theres not much I can do in terms of cooking healthier meals for him. Theres a deeper reason why I dated slim guys and why his weight is "unattractive" to me due to some sexual trauma.

I tend to believe that if I'm concerned with someone else's actions or appearances I need to look inward and find what flaws I'm avoiding in myself, and that addresses the attraction dying but not the concern for his health.
If anyone has any gentle approaches to this please let me know. TIA.

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57% Normal
Based on 7 votes (4 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • bigbudchonger
    1 year ago

    Fatness is unattractive. It's natural that it puts you off. I suppose you've got to ask yourself how fat is he, and how much does his weight put you off. As long as your lack of attraction is resonably proportional to it then I don't really think it's a problem.

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  • MissNormalBates
    1 year ago

    I think you are starting to face your trauma. It’s no chance that you chose a partner you otherwise would find unattractive. Definitely not saying what you should do. It’s just as you said. You are looking for something, maybe a way to resolve that thing from your past.

    When you realise what it is you are looking for, you’ll know what to do. If this guy is something more than a coping mechanism, it might be worth trying to communicate your concerns to him. I just got a feeling that you’ll be trying to “control” or “correct” your trauma by projecting that fact to this person.

    I can tell you’re smart and nice and insightful. You can figure it out. Take care!

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      1 year ago

      I appreciate the insight and truth to your message. I think you're right in that I need to address this in myself before making any moves externally. Thank you. ❤

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  • kikilizzo
    1 year ago

    This shit happens in longterm relationships. That's why people try to push not being superficial when finding a partner.
    Best you can do is suggest you go work out together either at the gym or go jogging, long walks etc... Get him a cookbook with healthy recipes for christmas? lol. Weight is a sensitive subject for most people. Good luck.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      1 year ago

      Thank you ❤

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  • ospry
    1 year ago

    It's not a bad thing to encourage him to watch out for his own health. If he gets offended, he's being overly sensitive. You feel this way because you care about him, and hopefully he'll see that

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  • 1WeirdGuy
    1 year ago

    You need to just flat out tell him he's fat and it isnt attractive. Cutting carbs is the way to go. Low fat diets arent as good for losing weight.

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    • Ligeia
      1 year ago

      Lol calories are the most important thing to cut, the macros aren't as important to pay attention to. I've lost weight on moderate carb moderate protein and low fat. Tbh landwhales don't even need to worry much about diet/nutrition, just use your fuckin brain and put down the McDonald's right?

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