Ultra-gourmet delight

This is what I discriminated to enjoy such a scrutinous dish: it's vegetarian, it's ultra-gourmet and is following my book, my standards. My mother as I have suggested cooked this dish of tubular spaghetti with Dolmio, vegetables and shaved Parmesan with a few grinds of black pepper since white pepper wasn't available, topped with her signature tomato salad, I was eating the whole thing which is hard for an underage person to do, as over-18s can easily be tied into this and its vegetables and vegetarianism. Since the members of this website prefer an old Hansberger charm added to the writing style, I can ramble on about variations of the same topic in one post, cleaning it up would probably disappoint them. So given the lighthearted ballbusting I have a discriminating enjoyment of food, I criticised my mother's cooking until the first dishes she got right, only stopping at pasta. The result is that it looks like a refined, exquisite dish with a twist of the Dolmio jar and vegetables steamed in the microwave (don't try this, instead blanch vegetables in hot water in a pot the old-fashioned way). It makes perfect sense, shaved Parmesan is exactly like hired connoisseurs do in restaurants to serve customers, when instead they shave it themselves when this Parmesan was bought at the shop pre-shaved. So the issue is if it wasn't gourmet food extremely gourmet to the point it's luxurious and to appeal to the high end clientelle economically willing to spend on their wants, I would throw the pasta on the lawn, but given mum's a culinary perfectionist I enjoy her food 100%. Is this what a normal, typical connoisseur would do?

Is It Normal?
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  • Anyone who claims that the ingredients of gourmet meal can include a jar of Dolmio sauce is either a troll or someone with no experience of eating decent food.

    I'm not a food snob and I have no problems with pasta sauce from a bottle, but it has to be made using good quality ingredients and a decent recipe, and Dolmio ain't either of those things. In fact, a few years ago the company that produces Dolmio sauces said that people shouldn't eat them more than once a week due to the high sugar and salt content.

    It's also pretty stupid to buy Parmigiano ready-shaved. By weight, it will cost a lot more that way, and the cheese will lose some of its aromatics and dry out in the bag. If you want something decent, treat yourself to an expensive chunk of authentic Parmigiano-Reggiano, keep it wrapped up in the fridge and use a vegetable peeler if you want curls.

    Finally, there is no such thing as "tubular spaghetti". Spaghetti is long, solid strands of pasta with a circular cross-section. Bucatini is similar to spaghetti in that it's long, but it's a lot thicker and has a small hole running through it.

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    • This. Couldn't have said it better myself.

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    • In Adelaide they call that particular pasta tubular spaghetti, San Remo makes them. The food was decent because mum made it, she decided to cook sauce from the jar, and furthermore the shaved Parmesan was $5, Mil Lel makes it. I saw my pasta dish, it's a lot like pasta from the restaurant what mum cooked.

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  • Are you on drugs? Whatever the case may be, I read that as a rambling, spastic loony.

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    • It's the infamous Hansberger.

      He's a bit off his game, though. When he really hits his stride, his posts are at least five times as long and a lot less coherent than this one.

      Maybe indigestion after his 'gourmet' meal is to blame.

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      • Maybe, but then I got ill with another gourmet-tasting food as a lentil curry and feel nauseous, my head's spinning and I have a dull cough. "Cough cough, hawwwww!", you see? I'm really ill.

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  • You lost me at 'scrutinous dish'. Reading this post would be like a busman's holiday for an English teacher.

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    • I skipped over that word.

      According to Mirriam-Webster, it means 'disposed to examine closely : inquisitive'.

      Hans is that, but I don't think his meal was.

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  • What's Dolmio sauce? Is that the equivalent of what Ragu is here in the US?

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  • I LOVE BACON!!!

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    • I do too, but OP doesn't understand high quality food.

      If it's from a jar, it's not gourmet. Wherever I make pasta, I prefer using fresh ingredients for the sauce. I've made home made spaghetti a few times, but I don't think the extra hassle is worth it.

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      • I wouldn't mind learning how to make homemade spaghetti sauce.

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        • Homemade sauce is easy, lots of options and tons of tips on the internet... I always make homemade sauce, but making and cutting the spaghetti themselves is more demanding and in my mind not worth the extra hassle.

          Personally I can hardly tell the difference.

          Quality store bought spaghetti are just as good and you just pop them in hot water with a drop of olive oil and a bit of powdered vegetable buillon powder and boil until ready.

          Mix with sauce and violla... you've made pasta good enough to make any Itallian say "Mama mia, dis-a is excellente"

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          • How is cooking easy? It's not easy! It's bloody difficult!

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            • I don't know; my father makes some pretty delicious pasta dishes up on the spot, and he doesn't find it hard at all.

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        • If you were to ask 100 Italians grandmas from different towns how to make pasta sauce, you'd get 100 different answers, each of which would be emphatically proclaimed to be the only right ingredients and correct process.

          A reasonable starting point is to heat up a few tablespoons of good quality olive oil in a saucepan (how to determine if the olive oil is good quality is a subject in itself), lightly fry two or three crushed cloves of garlic, dump in a bottle of good quality passata and cook for a bit, then put in a few leaves of fresh basil (or a teaspoon or so of dried basil that hasn't been sitting in the back of your cupboard for a few years), and add salt to taste. I prefer to add a tiny amount of sugar as well, since I think that always helps tomato-based dishes.

          And that's basically it.

          If you wanted to try to replicate the Dolmio sauce, you could add some corn-starch to thicken it up, some onion powder to jazz it up, a lot more sugar, a lot more salt, and some citric acid to balance out the sweetness and saltiness you've just added.

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      • It's gourmet to me, it's not modified from the natural taste, only it's vegetarian which means it's got vegetables in it, the veg makes it gourmet, mum doesn't know what gourmet is but I told her to make a luxurious extremely gourmet dish to the point that it appeals to the high end clientelle economically willing to spend on their wants, in other words it's not cheaply made, to me it looks more gourmand than gourmet because mum thinks I'm still a gourmand.

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  • everytime you post its like i've entered the mind of a schizophrenic person

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  • Mate, what is actually going on in your mind?

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  • A Macca's would have been fancier.

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    • That's a lie, nothing of popularity means that it's the best, creme de la creme, better than all the alternatives, nor is it so great as it imagines itself to be. I imagine my diet to be so great, with a glass of a 2019 shiraz it's not out of the question! :) And do you know the crap that goes into a fancy McDonald's? The beef is vulgar, the truffle sauce is not truffles and you can't taste the truffles, and it's better to get a chicken burger from its fancy menu than beefburgers! It's called "M Selections" and it's not fancier than a squid ink pizza with truffles, come on! It's only moderately fancy and not fancy enough!

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      • Squid ink and truffles is a bit tacky these days, don't you think?

        The Jamie's Italian restaurants in the UK were still serving squidink pasta right up until they closed down last year. I don't think anything that Jamie Oliver's chain restaurants serve can really be considered fancy.

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  • Can we learn the use of white space? My add won't let me read a 25+line paragraph...

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    • ADD, rubbish! You're not part of a group, you're an individual, don't let the doctor place you into a disabled group, he's an abusive man.

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  • romano is the superior italian cheese for pasta dishes

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    • Please. 🙄

      Romano is fake Pecorino Romano, which is hard, aged cheese made only in Italy from only sheep-milk, whereas the FDA allows American producers of Romano to use cow, goat and/or sheep milk. The food manufacturers have also convinced the FDA to allow producers to bleach the milk and to add food colouring, whereas the original is made from only natural milk. Pecorino Romano has a kick due to its aging, whereas Romano is a typically bland American cheese.

      It is true that in some areas of Italy, Pecorino Romano is grated on pasta, but the norm in most of the country is Parmigiano-Reggiano (or, if you're on a budget, Grana Padano).

      American Parmesan cheese is fake Parmigiano-Reggiano, and it's nothing at all like the original. Unlike the sawdust-textured crap that Kraft has sold since forever, the authentic stuff does not smell like vomit, and it tastes amazing on its own. In fact, the good ol' FDA - staunch protector of American consumers that it is, and not all in the pocket of big business - also allows producers to add cellulose to grated Parmesan as an anti-caking agent, so the grated Parmesan sold in American is indeed literally partly sawdust.

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      • theres pecorino (and a shitloada other fancyboy cheese) readily available at the store that i buy wedges of and grate it myself

        its not all kraft singles and velveeta here

        you & hans should git together and have a meal whilst discussin how pedestrian and derivative i am

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        • All I'm finding in Adelaide is Parmesan cheese, and perhaps Romano, I don't find pecorino there or parmiggiano-reggiano cheese in Adelaide, Adelaide only sells the most widely known Italian food, major Italian food and not that stuff they sell in USA.

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  • Nigga says what?

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  • After that first sentence I tried reading this post aloud in an obese asthmatic culture-snob voice. Because of that I have not retained a single word of information from this post and have no idea what the fuck you're talking about, but thanks for sharing this little anecdote

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  • I am lost.

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    • The sauce is that sauce with oregano in it, just the basic sauce, which tastes like sauce Aunty Madeline makes, but that ultra-gourmet tubular (yes tubular) spaghetti doesn't taste like her food, it tastes, to be honest, like something I would make.

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