To love my wife but not like her at the same time?

You're feeling this way because you settled; however, you're not owning up to it, because you're blaming your family for pressuring you. It's your mistake for marrying a woman you're not in love with, while still trying to get over your ex. Now, you're trapped between two options:

1. Stay in the marriage and try to make the best of it, while going to therapy to sort of your own feelings. This option is mainly hard on you, because you need to force yourself to grow as a person and make changes to how you see your current situation.

2. Or you can divorce your wife. This will not only be expensive, but it'll cause a lot of pain to your children; especially if they're not old enough to understand what's going on. However, once the divorce is done with, everything is settled, you'll have your freedom; but you'll have to deal with your emotions from not only destroying your own family, but getting over you ex + ex-wife, battling the loneliness, and more.

In my opinion, go with option 1. If your wife is a good mother, wonderful toward you, and more; then you don't have it as bad as you may think. Yeah, I get that you don't love her, but you can't turn back time, you're already legally bound to her and have children with her. Though you don't love her, think of it as one of those arrange marriages, overtime you develop a fondness for who you're stuck with and make it work somehow.

It is normal to feel bitter or resentful, but it is important to put those feelings aside for the sake of your marriage. I would suggest going to a marriage counselor to help work things out. Remember that her bulimia is an illness and not her fault (unless she is refusing to get treatment).

Tell her what you said here, cut your losses, and get a divorce. Its that, or just keep wallowing in the sad, lonely, bitterness you created for yourself.

Some very strong, happy families get created by couples that are friends with shared values, and the teamwork to accomplish goals together. What you have isn't perfect, but your days will be filled with richness and meaning, while your nights will be empty and filled with sorrow.