To be scared of my entire family after coming out as trans?

18% Normal
13 Comments

A little over 2 months ago I came out to my family as a trans girl, and neither of my parents took it well. My mom told me that HRT will destroy my body and my dad started crying really hard since I was his only 'son'. My sisters took it much, much, better, and as a high schooler living in the time of quarantine I'm constantly around all of them, but I can't stand it.

Because of my mom I'm not able to dress, act, and speak as myself outside of my room, which brings it's own dysphoria problems; And because they ALL know I'm trans it feels like I'm being constantly judged and like I'm constantly under pressure to become more feminine despite not being allowed to.

The cherry on top of all of this is that I started HRT behind their backs and started egirling to pay for it, so my room is full of all the various medications and needles I have for estrogen as well as my makeup and clothes for egirling. This means that I can NEVER let anyone in my room and I sometimes have to get kinda pushy when telling people not to come in, and when I'm in makeup I can't leave my room until I take it off.

When it is off, I feel absolutely horrible about my face and voice in every way. When I leave my room, my mom + one of my sisters are usually sitting on a couch just 6 or 7 feet outside my door. As soon as I leave I can see them looking at me and judging me and I just feel terrible for it. My mom can probably notice that I look more feminine than 'normal', which displeases her and probably makes her suspicious that I'm on HRT, and my sisters probably think I'm not trying hard enough to be feminine and that I'm pretending to be trans.

With my dad, something happened when I came out to him and I just can't bear to be near him anymore. My fight or flight kicks in whenever I'm in the same room as him and I just can't do anything other than basically power walk away. My therapist says it's a trauma response and that the only thing to do is to try and talk to him when I feel the time is right, but I can't see that time ever coming. I'm going away to college this fall and while I don't want this to be the last time I ever see him I don't know what else I can do.

Sorry for the wall of text, but I needed to get this off my chest to people other than my therapist.

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18% Normal
Based on 11 votes (2 yes)
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Comments ( 13 )
  • KholatKhult
    3 years ago

    T shirt and pants is as unisex as it gets, ambiguity might be your best friend for this situation. Makeup doesn’t make a woman a woman, my fiancée usually goes bare faced and it doesn’t make her any less feminine.

    I really don’t know anything about being transgender, but I do know how to handle hostile environments and being stuck in your own head.

    Honestly I hate the gender binary. That in order for you to feel like a woman you have to dress and act a certain way, that bugs me. It seems like you’re dealing with some sexist ideals and it might be a good idea for you to step back and look at what makes a woman a woman.

    Pushing your family away will only worsen things, and you have to learn to laugh at yourself, don’t take this so serious. I know that may be hard because of mental issues though. I had to look up what egirling is, and it just seems fetishy, don’t make your identity a fetish.

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    • AllieS
      3 years ago

      I know that makeup isn't what makes a woman a woman, but I've gotten pretty good with it so that I can downplay my masculine features and highlight my feminine ones, which make me feel a lot better about myself.

      I don't do anything fetishy, and while I know some trans girls are like that my identity is most definitely NOT a fetish. I just post pics online and horny guys pay me money. I'm not proud of it but it does pay the bills.

      Generally when I leave my room I throw on a baggy t shirt and some shorts to hide my boobs since hrt has started to kickstart their growth.

      Thx so much for the advice, I wish I could just walk this off and laugh at myself.

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      • Mammal-lover
        3 years ago

        Oh watch out when you switch to vnecks. I like to lean and have accidental shown quite a few guys my boobs without even realizing it. When you lean on a counter on a vneck yea it's a straight shot into your shirt woopsy daisy. The more you know. Makeup is useful ues. Honestly I never wear it myself. I have my own reasons on that.

        If you want permanant hair removal check out milan. See if one is on your area. They allow payment plans and without credit history it's a 2 year contract. I pay 230 a month for full face and legs. So not shabby. Go during the winter! They have 50% off thing. O went in January. Got 60% off. Laser is expensive as fuck and painful but worth it. At least for the face bare minimum. Trust me shaving your face wears you down cause sometimes you can still see it and it stings.

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  • leggs91200
    3 years ago

    Things will get easier once you are out of the house.

    As far as family and friends, my experience is that coming out as trans doesn't affect the relationship much. I am guessing you have had difficulties with your parents from the start but you probably have always gotten along with your sisters?

    On this site, some are cool with TG but some are kind of rude about it. They have researched a little and think they know all about the TG life. One yahoo on here thinks I am a "Fetish transvestite" whatever that means.

    For dealing with people misgendering or being unaccepting of who you are, typically it is men who see women as objects. Basically the men whom you would not want to see you as a woman cause they would act pervy.

    When you do get to a point where you pass well, don't be like some of the TG women on youtube who make "Coming out" videos. They worked so hard to look that good but then throw it away by coming out unnecessarily. Of course once someone is found out to be TG, the unaccepting people will be pricks about it.

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  • RoseIsabella
    3 years ago

    Be careful, the quarantine has a lot of people on edge, and there has been a significant increase in domestic violence, because people are spending way too much time with their families these days. This may not have been the best time to come out as trans.

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  • Petitenoisette
    3 years ago

    I think it's perfectly normal, although I do recommend you try and get one of your siblings completely on your side so you can hide your HRT in one of their rooms to lower suspicion. And, If you need someone to talk to, I'm right here!

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  • DaneMcFain
    3 years ago

    Hows about be trans and accept that they wont accept the transition. Most ppl born before 1985 will likely not accept the transition...
    That said, love yourself and hang with ppl who help you grow, both spiritually and financially.
    Thats all I got

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  • my_life_my_way
    3 years ago

    Why are you scared of them though? They might judge you but they probably won’t do anything extreme

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  • Mammal-lover
    3 years ago

    Nothing wrong with camming. It's a good source of income. Be ready for some wild changes your nipples will catch on every freaking thing. If they arnt that sensitive and you want them to be I reccomend trying nipple piercings it's not guaranteed but mine are hella sensitive now. Plus they are really cute.

    Squars, bike rides and ankle weights are your best friends. Especislly abkle weights! My old job made me walk like 10 plus miles a day and thanks to ankle weights my butt is awesome. Corsets are awesome to of you want to get and keep a more feminine figure however your current situation that would be a bad idea.

    Stay out of the womens restrooms till you are seen as female at a glance. Some women are crazy and will attack. Worst I've had in the mens is guys staring at me through the door(not fun at all but better than being attacked) your experiences may differ of course.

    Please remember injections are a limited time item eventually you'll have to switch to a pill and if on spiro be warned it tastes disgusting. Never I repeat never do the flat bang look. It looks cute on some cis women. Very few. Never known a tranny who didnt regret it immediately.

    And for the love of god I hope your using a stage name on these cam sites and region blocking your area. It's so beyond important for your saftey. Chances are some people will become obsessed with you. If amazon wishlist havd it go to a po box never your house! You can actually reverse look it up on amazon and see exactly were it's going. So with a po box theyll only know your city and state not your front door. but not a oh shit I'm some dudes trunk.

    Anyways if you ever want advice or someone to chat to hit me up. Leggs is super chill and worth talking to as well. Not to be mean but cd not so much. Very angry person and crossdressers are very diffrent from us trans folks. Sex tips though cd could be a valuable source if you find her/him in a good mood. Sorry cd I have no idea what your pronouns are

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    • AllieS
      3 years ago

      Can I ask why injections are only a limited time item? Do you mean that they are running out of that kind of medicine or is it being phased out or what?

      When I'm in makeup I'm pretty much seen as female in general, thanks to my narrowish shoulders and not too masc face. I've never tried to use a women's bathroom although I do know that using one would make me feel valid AF so I might try that once the world opens back up. Also I sweep my bangs across my forehead from one side and it makes my forehead appear a lot smaller and my face more round overall. I thought about doing flat bangs but they're too long and I don't trust myself to cut them lol so thanks for the advice.

      People online know my first name (Not legal name so even if they wanted they couldn't find me with it), and I have already gotten my fair share of creeps to teach me how to protect myself online.

      I wasn't even sure if there were other trans peeps on here I'm honestly soo glad to see you. One more question, what would you recommend between electrolysis and laser hair removal? There's this local place that does electrolysis for fairly cheap and it's supposed to be more permanent than laser. My hair is dark on light skin if that makes a difference

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      • Mammal-lover
        3 years ago

        Something to do with effectiveness or something. Or its unsafe I cant recall but after like 4 years they make you switch off injections.

        Yea sweeping bangs are cute. If you wana try flat bags buy a wig and cut it for that. Maybe itll look good on you but chances are it wont. At least you wont have to look at youd hair everyday with regret then haha.

        Uh oh. If that's the name you will use everywhere chances are itll become your legal name. I reccomend switching it out. Some people are very tech smart. Coming with a stage name sucks I know been there donf that. Takes forever but it's worth it.

        Dark hair on light skin makes a huge diffrence! That's an optimal candidate for laser! Electrolyse is cheaper cause it takes more sessions if I recall correctly. Plus laser is super quick only takes an hour per session. If you have tatoos in a spot you want to laser get electrolyse as the laser will burn the shit out of your tattoo ruining it and your skin.
        I strongly reccomend laser of electric but I've only experinced laser so I'm a bit one sided on it. Elec is a good choice if you ca afford it. Both get the job done. I'd do a consult ag both and see how you feel compare comfort with price kinda thing.

        Haha yea lots of creeps online. Just one of them things. Even once you pass to most assuming you dont now, if you do awesome! You'll still get clocked on occasion. Especially by chasers. Seriously never date a tranny chaser it's not worth it! But if you get clocked try not to let it upset ya. It happens.

        I wish I could say life is all sunshine and rainbows after transitioning but it's not. But it's so much better. I highly encourage getting a manufacturing job of you can handle physical labor. All i do is paint wood for windows for 8 hours a day and i make 17.60 plus benefits. Min wage in my state is 7.25/7.50 one of them. Its not exciting work but the money is so nice. And transitioning is expensive! Plus physical labor correlates into a nice bod! Its win win haha.

        But yes theres a few of us on here. CD and leggs being the most experinced, I'm one of the youngest only 22.

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        • AllieS
          3 years ago

          What if I could get one of those at home laser devices? Some of them are on massive sales for under $100 and since I'll be moving soon it will be a lot more convenient than trying to find a new laser place in a new city. If I already have a good skin/hair combo maybe it won't be that hard for me to do it myself at home?

          Oh gosh I could never do manual labor lol. I'm going to college for film and I hope that one day, once I'm an adult, I can get some kind of job telling stories on the big screen. Film, from what I understand, is one of the most accepting fields for LGBT people so I should be safeish there, plus maybe being trans will make me stand out which is always good thing in that industry.

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          • Mammal-lover
            3 years ago

            They dont work haha, ive tried a few of them I'm pale as fuck with dark hair as well. Epilator are pretty good. Like waxing only slower.

            Cant say I know a thing about that industry but I wish you luck! Seriously though ar home laser kits dont work. Nair is hit od miss. Ive known people its works for and others it just burns. Worth trying though.

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