The problems with being nice

Niceness is generally seen as something we all should practice. Here is a list of counter-points against being nice.

1. It is extremely egotistical. Many nice people are this way out of concern for their image. They are self centered and want to be seen as nice, so they act that way. It is purely them putting themselves on a pedastle and acting a certain way so that in turn they will be looked fondly upon.

2. It is demeaning. Nice people will frequently have pre-set nice behaviors. These completely ignore the personality of the person they are interacting with. They don't engage with who you are and respond accordingly. Instead they dismiss your complexities and overlook everything about you, in favor of the behavior that they've already decided they will practice.

3. Building off of #2 it is often extremely unwanted. People are misled into thinking a person wants friendship or romantic partnership when they don't. And also are given things they don't want, or in some cases may get in the way of what they do want. It then puts a burden on them to respond with gratitude to a kind gesture, but in actuality are now in a worse place than before.

4. It provides no information about the person. Like the first part of #3 the person's tastes are obscured. As the other person it is very difficult to gage their mood, interests, opinions, passions, or really any non-superficial thing about them. We aren't given the array of reactions that give us the information on what bothers or pleases that person.

5. It is belittling. It implicitly tells the other person they are incapable of dealing with rejection or displeasure. Pretty straightforward.

6. It is lazy. This reduced and robotic form of interaction while in one sense is quite burdensome on the nice person to maintain, also shows an emotional laziness to look at themselves and become a developed full person.


While obviously I am not saying you should be mean, I would say instead you should be yourself.
Niceness is a learned behavior, we should instead be true to what we are feeling.

OR if you still want to be truly nice, you need to learn who people actually are so you can do what is nice for them. This is nearly impossible to do with a stranger.

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Comments ( 28 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • shouldnt this be titled the problem with being insincere?

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    • My point was to reach people who do this. They themselves would call this behavior "nice" and deny insincerity

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      • I agree with what you just said about insecurity 100% and it took up until I was in my early 20's to really see it.

        I have learned that alot of people who come off as an "asshole" to most, really are the most secure, and sincere people who don't have an agenda. That's not to say there aren't giggly sincere people, I'm talking about most just so we are clear and my notifications don't blow up with people saying I'm wrong or an asshole because I've had this conversation before and all I hear is the same level of ignorance.

        I used to be one of the giggly ones and now the complete opposite.

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        • We were talking about sincerity not security. But I agree with security part as well.

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          • Shit ya I read it quick and got excited thinking someone else gets it too. I still agree with your point though.

            Have a good night.

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  • Your points aren't even points, just assumptions and opinions. Some of them are straight up wrong.

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  • Take it somebody screwed you over?

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  • You have a problem with people being nice? You've got some major issues. Would you rather have everybody in the world be rude assholes? Some people, believe it or not, are genuinely nice.

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    • Thank you for reading the whole post

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      • Sure. No prob

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      • Hahaha. I noticed that too although in their defense your post was way too verbose.

        You should have just said nice people are condescending, insincere, assholes with an obvious agenda. That about covers it.

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  • These people are emotionally unwell. Reading a post like this will only make them feel bad about themselves, not give them the necessary tools or understanding of how to change.

    Might be more helpful to tell them to google codependency and childhood emotional abandonment/abuse.

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    • I'm not sure I totally agree.


      I think that for many people who do this, they loathe this 'nice requirement' even more than the people they encounter.

      It is burdensome, and like I say 'learned' so I don't think most of them would take it as an attack on them personally.

      Also like I can speak from personal experience, that we the 'nice people' are raised with the fallacious concept that to be assertive, direct, disagree, any normal human behavior is MEAN.

      And this is what I was hoping to dismantle, but I could have been more effective in doing so.

      Links of this nature would help as well

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  • You sure have met a bunch of cunts if this is your genuine view.

    People can be nice and be genuine about it. It sucks that you haven't encountered that often.

    Have you considered meeting new and better people before you turn into the idiot guy who posts similar theme to this post, only more hateful and ignorant, and no where near as articulate?

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    • Lmao your last paragraph, and thankyou for embedded compliment.

      I worded this post to reach those people who see this type of behavior as nice, but understandably confused everyone else.

      Thankfully I have been blessed to meet many genuinely nice people.

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    • no no swears

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  • I get your point. I pretend to be nice all the time when I couldn't care less because it builds you a reputation, etc.
    It's not that I'm doing it to be mean, it's just convenient for both parties and to have a reason to not get invested in drama you really can't be bothered with.

    Problem is, this one view of nice people you have is just a view of a type of person who's always nice, not niceness itself.

    While I'll agree people you described exist, there are also people who truly are selfless and aim to be nice to spread positivity.

    So don't hate on nice people just due to this specific type if "nice" people because you cant always find out the motives of nice people.

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    • Totally agree. Left that out for brevity. But yeah I live in Asia in a place where there are so many actually nice people. Not that they don't exist in the west and other parts of the world as well. But it was actually these people that inspired this post.

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  • Ngl, but a lot of scam artists, disingenuous sales people or crooked businessmen, lawyers etc also use niceness as a way to get an advantage. Not to mention the infamous Nice Guy lol.
    Be a douchebag! (JK)

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  • Ah, the 6 fundamental rules of America.

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  • Point #6 is significant. People immediately sense the shallowness of niceness because it is so robotic. I suppose people with poorly developed identities that are easily insulted would feel secure around "nice" human robots.

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  • The saying "nice guys always finish last" is very true. The fact is, more aggressive people get more adventure, sex, and money out of life than boring nice people do.

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