Still not over my dad daying

6 Comments

EDIT - Yes I realised I made a typo in the title, before some smart-arse wants to crack a joke.

It's been over 2 years since he passed, and I'm still here breaking down like an idiot. I'm quite young, I was only 21 when it happened and I had barely finished university (it happened right before I graduated).

I just don't know when it's ever going to start to feel "normal", and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm not much of a believer, and the thought I'm never going to see him ever again just fills me with despair and makes my worldview about life so bleak. It's to the point where it actually puts me off having kids myself, just because I don't want to do this to my kids.

The only thing he ever cared about was our happiness as a family. It's so fucking unfair how some bastards get to live so long while he died young.

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Comments ( 6 )
  • karkar
    6 years ago

    I was 24 when mine passed away after a long struggle. I think it doesn't just go away by itself. If you're haunted by the "what if's" and the "what could I/we have done differently" you need professional help to get a closure. Where I live we don't have proper help for such cases so I keep getting haunted by it every now n then. Its not as 'normal' for us to move on after a close person dies. We require Help to move on. If you have the privilege to get some don't spare it, please do so, it shall do you good. There might be some things that you need to get to the bottom of to feel better, to get you on the track of embracing what happened and not to feel so negative about it when remembering it.

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  • Pumpurrnickel
    6 years ago

    You're not an idiot for mourning for your dad. I would cry for years afterward as well, if my dad died. There is nothing wrong with crying. Keep crying. At some point, it WILL get better.

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  • bubsy
    6 years ago

    I am sorry for your loss. 21 is terribly young to lose your dad. Focus on living a life that would make him proud, and you'll find peace.

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  • McBean
    6 years ago

    Perhaps your heart is in a shell. The shell is protecting it while it heals. Someday, the shell will break away and you will hear life again. The wind in the trees, the clouds, and sunshine. Life will seem new, like springtime waiting to be discovered.

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  • Murun
    6 years ago

    Time will work it out. 2 years isn't necessarily long in grieving terms, especially losing someone young. Part of him's still around living on in you, and in people's memories of him. Nature seems unfair sometimes but it's got nothing personal against you or him.

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  • Boojum
    6 years ago

    Everyone grieves in their own way, and moves to their "new normal" at their own pace. There is no schedule.

    If you find your grieving is preventing you from having the things you'd like from life, then it might be worthwhile seeking professional help.

    Your father was a positive force in your life and the lives of others. As far as I'm concerned, that's the definition of a good life. You may well never see him again, but he will always be part of the person you are.

    Honor his memory by using the example he set and the lessons you learned from him to build your own life where you can be a positive influence on the lives of those around you.

    It can be difficult to get to acceptance and move forward, but if he was the good man you say he was, I'm sure that's what he would want for you.

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