Should parents be held responsible for their kids' mistakes?

My coworker was whining about this all day. Apparantly his twelve yr old son decided to sneak off and try driving someones car. He crashed it into a dumpster and now my coworker and his wife are going to get sued by the cars owner. He thinks he shouldn't be held responsible, is acting like all mistakes should be forgiven, and he's saying he can't control everything his kids do. I think he needs to shut up and pay for the car. You?

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  • That kid needs an ass beating

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  • It's not rocket science. The dad pays it off, then the son pays back the dad over instalments by doing a side job.

    That way kid learns responsibility and gets job experience.

    If it takes the kid a year or two to pay it back, then that should teach the shit to steal cars.

    If the kid finds a (legal) side hustle that earns good money to pay back in big chunks, even better. You've got an entrepreneur.

    What's for damn sure is that beating the kid won't do shit. Violence isn't the answer, brains are.

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    • You sure? Who wants to keep track of a kid's fake debt? A couple months down the road no one wants to deal with it anymore. An ass beating is a more pragmatic approach.

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      • This pretty much sums it up. Lazy, uninterested parents who have no patience or logic or common sense are always the ones who resort to violence. Why invest time and energy into teaching your child valuable life lessons when you can do something that makes you feel better about yourself(with no regard to the affects on the kid) and go back to completely ignoring them until they do something wrong again.

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        • It only takes seconds to implant the memory in the kid's head. By the time he pays off the car damage ($3000+?) he'll be an adult and he'll probably have caused more damage since then and incurred even more "debt." The only lesson you're teaching him is he's gonna owe someone money the rest of his life.

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  • Should’ve taught the kid to drive before letting him out to steal cars.

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  • I'm sitting here with my jaw hanging.

    As it happens, I have a twelve year-old daughter, and I cannot conceive of her doing something so incredibly stupid. Okay, I know that parents do tend to not see the failings of their little darlings, but the fact this boy apparently believed it was okay to steal someone's car and he was sure that he was capable of driving it says a huge amount about how his parents have raised him.

    I suspect that when your colleague says he can't control everything his kids do, what he actually means is that he believes it's unreasonable for anyone to expect him to have much of a relationship at all with them. It may be grossly unfair, but I imagine him as one of those fathers who's far more interested in sinking cool ones with his high school buds and watching sports on TV than he is in spending time with his kids, trying to instil some basic values in them and teaching them about life and responsibility.

    In fact, I wouldn't be hugely surprised if, as much as he's whining about the injustice of this, he's secretly quite proud that Jim-Bob Jr has already stolen his first car and had his first brush with the law. Chip off the ol' block, and all that.

    Maybe you should ask him how he'd feel if some punk kid stole his car and crashed it. I bet he won't just shrug.

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  • Parents kind of have to be at least financially responsible for their children's mistakes until they reach adulthood. Otherwise the rest of the world would have to pay for their mistakes. Kids don't have money (and if they do it is almost certainly given to them by parents anyway). If they damage someone's property then someone has to pay to fix it.

    Outside of financial stuff it's a bit more complicated. I think that personal responsibility is something that you gradually shift over to children over time. So, for example, if my 5 year old breaks my neighbour's window, I will apologise for this myself, but I would make a little show of getting my 5 year old to say sorry too. Then I would obviously pay for the damages.

    If my 18 year old breaks the neighbour's window I would tell them they need to get off their entitled arse and go around to apologise and pay for the damages themselves. No input from me. If they refuse I would just let the neighbour deal with them directly, which I presume would end in them reporting it to the police, if my kid never apologised and offered to pay. Then I suppose the police would issue then with a fine, force them to pay damages, or whatever the local law dictates.

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  • Parents should allow their kids to make mistakes learn from them but parents should take responsibility for the damages done by the kids. as well as hold the responsibility to teach their kids properly beforehand to avoid mistakes in future.

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  • this is an extremely vague question, usually. but in this situation? absolutely the parents are responsible. somehow they failed so horribly that their almost-teen doesn't understand something as basic as "don't fucking steal a car."

    a good learning lesson for the parents AND the brat would be to make the kid shoulder some sort of responsibility for this situation too, but i doubt the father is gonna be willing to even give his kid a slap on the wrist.

    your co-worker is a dumbass prick, and sadly, it seems the kid is a product of his environment. :(

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    • Yeah grand theft auto isnt exactly on the same level as breaking a window from a baseball. Something that poorly done should be brought with extreme punishment. Best way to punish a kid is to also punish yourself with the kid. Have the kid know that it is their fault but also their gardians fault. It's important to teach kids that their parents are also on the line with their decision making skills.

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  • I mean that's what happens you don't put shock collars on kids. I'd totally put one for like elaphants or something on my kid if I had one. Misbehave little timmy I dare you.

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  • I'm only financially responsible for my kids mistakes until they reach an age where they can work. Then they can pay for their mistakes with hard cash.

    Belive me if I have to spend 12k on repairs on someones car cause my kid was trying to have fun, I'll make sure he goes to juvie, followed by some hard labor somewhere in the woods. Got to learn life isnt filled with second chances.

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    • Oh for sure, growing up we had to pick rocks for minor infractions. That could life would be a living hell till he moved out after that incident. Ohbitsvchristmad is it? Here's a fish towel go wash. Oh its your birthday is it? Here's a shovel theres snow in the drive way. Oh its summer is it? Heres a scythe that wheat ain't gonna harvest itself. Etc etc

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      • I'm not gonna use my kid for entirely free labor (I still will, it builds charicter) still I'm gonna try to get them on a chore basis to get them to work for an allowance. But if I need a square yard of gravel shoveled to another place that's a prime job for a kid to spend a Saturday on.

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        • haha I wish it was only a square yard. Took all ficking summer every summer. Awful just awful. But yea kid would be choring or learning something useful. They can have fun when they are adults especially if they did that car thing

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  • What a pathetic response from the parent. The child is 12 years old, so yes, the parent(s) have to accept full responsibility. Maybe this will make the parent(s) sit up and start to teach their child what behavior is, and is not , acceptable in a civilized society.If they don't get to grips with this now, they will have a monster on their hands by the time he/she is 21 !

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  • This is why I can't stand kids. Nobody's asking you to have them, nobodys forcing you to have them. Even accidental pregnancies can be aborted. If you decide to have a kid it's your responsibility to control it. He's only 12 and didn't know better, so the owner of that car should just suck it up and buy a new car on his own.

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    • your last sentence totally contradicts the resta your post

      im so confused

      and fuck that kid and his parents they should pay for the car and a rental while its gettin fixed

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      • Nothing he says makes sense. He's either a troll or the most morally reprehensible individual I've ever interacted with.

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        • Man Ive been posting on this site for years, Im not a troll. As for the other stuff, is it really so bad to say parents should have to be responsible for their own kids and not everyone else?

          I don't hurt people, so I don't get where your moral high ground argument comes from.

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          • what if the smashed car was their only lifeline to a job where theyre just barely makin rent?

            the boss is a prick the landlord is a prick and one missed day equals fired equals missed rent equals homeless causea this little fuck who definitely shoulda known better

            fuck makin excuses for the lil shit and fuck people who put bad behavior over personal property

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            • I mean its not good to put too much importance in material things either, I just hate these people who have kids and then expect the whole world to shift to acommodate them because DURR ITS HARD BEING A PARENT. Like get a life seriously.

              I get what youre saying now, I was being sarcastic. If some little asshole took your car and crashed it and is too young to get a job to pay for it its the parents fault. Fuck em.

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