Should i move on

9 Comments

My husband and I have been married for 16yrs, but we've been together for 23yrs total. The 1st 2 yrs of our relationship was wonderful, including sex life, after 2 yrs, our sex life declined. I married him 4 yrs later (after the decline) as he's my best friend and we have a wonderful friendship, also, I thought things would change after marriage, but it didn't. I questioned him many times about the change in our sex life, he initially said he had erectile dysfunction which was frustrating for him to pursue intimacy, so he eventually got viagra, which things got better for a bit, then returned back to decreased intimacy/sex. In addition to not having much of a sex life, he never looks at me naked. If I get out of the shower and walk into the bedroom naked, he always turn his head or look down (this has been going on for 21yrs). For yrs, I questioned his sexual preference (men), he denied it. Fast forwarding to present day, he recently told me (2-3 months ago) that he has an addiction to porn (for 21yrs), and because he's so used to looking at perfect images of women for years, he does not find me sexually attractive. Dealing with rejection for years has significantly affected my self esteem. He keeps saying he's going to get counseling (for the last 2-3 months),but he has not even taken the 1st step in that direction. I love him but, I'm ready to move on now that I know the truth behind his behavior.

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Comments ( 9 )
  • [Old Memory]
    5 years ago

    What an asshole def move on why stay with a piece of shit.

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  • lordofopinions
    4 years ago

    Its time to sit him down for a serious talk. If nothing comes from it then its time to boogie!

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  • Biman458
    5 years ago

    I say move on. I also look at porn but the difference is the women in porn are beautiful and all, I tend to be more attracted to the look of the everyday woman. A less then perfect body, a little over weight, why because they are real and every where. So his excuse of being used too seeing a perfect body because of porn is rather shallow. I would rather be with the everyday woman myself.

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  • [Old Memory]
    5 years ago

    Thats a lie!! I look at lots of porn and still get horny and root like the little steam engine that could

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  • RoseIsabella
    5 years ago

    Don't be afraid to strike out on your own! Have ya'll tried marital counseling? Even if he is unwilling to go to counseling himself, see a marriage, and family therapist on your own. Do things to foster healing, and the good in yourself. Pray, meditate, seek out help for yourself, and know that none of this is your fault!

    Your spouse is for whatever reason a sex addict who is addicted to pornography. People like him are simultaneously sex addicts, and sexual anorexics. They are sex addicts for the obvious reasons in that they are addicted to pornography, and acting out with themselves. You're husband is also a sexual anorexic in that he is not physically intimate with you, the person with whom he should be physically intimate. It's really fucked up, selfish and immature. Your spouse needs to start going to meetings of Sex Addicts Anonymous! He needs to be a man, and face up to the reality of life!

    There are many excellent books out there about sex addiction, and two that come to mind are: Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction by Patrick J Carnes Ph.D, and In the Shadows of the Net: Breaking Free of Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior also by Patrick Carnes. I highly recommend that you check your local library for those books, or perhaps purchase them. These books are excellent reading on the subject of sex addiction.

    I also think you should check out the twelve step programs of COSA, and Codependents Anonymous. If there is a history of any type of addiction, or dysfunction in your family of origin you can also check out Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families.

    Here are some helps links for you to copy, and paste onto your browser:
    http://www.cosa-recovery.org/whatis.html
    https://saa-recovery.org/
    https://adultchildren.org/

    If you feel that you want to divorce this pathetic, and selfish man then be sure to gather as much evidence as possible, and document everything you can. Find a good lawyer, reclaim your maiden name if you took his name, and be sure to sue for child support if you have children under 18. If he is unwilling to accept responsibility for his wrongdoing, and improve himself then know that you deserve better than him, and his selfish degeneracy.

    Do not allow yourself to defined by how this wretched, selfish and pathetic person has mistreated, and neglected you.

    I wish you all the best, and Godspeed! 😎

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    • Sunsetbeach
      5 years ago

      Thank you very much for your feedback, I appreciate it!

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      • RoseIsabella
        5 years ago

        You are most welcome, dear heart! You are not alone in your struggle. There are many other women, and men whose spouses neglect them, because of the garbage that is pornography. This is not your fault. Even if your appearance has changed over the years it's the responsibility of your spouse to communicate with you about these sort of things instead of acting out out with pornography, and getting high off of masturbation.

        For instance even if you gain weight, and he's no longer attracted to you then he should be able tell you rather just retreating into sexual fantasies in his mind, and in pornography.

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  • Funstable
    5 years ago

    In my opinion: You really should move on. You deserve better. He has had plenty of time deal with this and talk with you but he hasn't. You could have been there for him, but he hasn't showed in any way that you're worth trying. I'm sorry you've been through this.

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    • Sunsetbeach
      5 years ago

      Thank you very much for your feedback

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