She's 19, i'm 27

54% Normal
15 Comments

She just turned 19 and I just turned 27. We seem to have a genuine connection. We've met once for a full day, and then have been long distance. We've been talking on the phone for hours regularly for 4 months and have a lot of the same interests. She tells me how she's never liked anyone like this before. I feel the same but it doesn't sit well with me for a few reasons.

I'm concerned for her. At 19 I feel like she should experience meeting people her age. I don't think I'm exactly taking advantage of her, but by spending time with me I just feel like she's missing out.

In her mind, it's justified for her not to date anyone else because we have long term potential. We fantasize about marriage and what we could look like in 4-5 years.

I do really like her, feel long term potential, and hope that it could last forever . I've dated around in the last 5 years. Girls who were older, the same age, and younger and she feels like the best fit.. But I worry this is foolishness. I think she's probably going to change a lot in the next 1-2-3 years and that will end things for us. I'm not looking for something fun or interesting.. I want something that will really last.

I don't think she's old enough to truly understand how much she is likely to change in the coming years, so hearing her say that she could see being with me forever doesn't really comfort me.

is it normal for a 19 yo and a 27 yo to try and be in a relationship?

Voting Results
54% Normal
Based on 24 votes (13 yes)
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Comments ( 15 )
  • SkullsNRoses
    3 years ago

    Just because it’s not illegal doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. Look back at photos of yourself from 2012, online posts, diary entries if you kept one, remember how immature you were. That’s her now. That’s her life stage. She may be “mature for her age” but a mature 19 year-old is still 19.

    You are right that she will change monumentously in the coming years and should experience being with people her own age, you are too old for her.

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    • bbrown95
      3 years ago

      I agree completely with this. I am 25 and am nowhere near the same person I was at 19. In fact, it's freaky how much I've changed.

      I also just feel that it's pretty rare that a 19-year-old with limited life experience that is maybe a year or so out of high school can relate much to someone 8 years older who is usually past college age and is in a completely different phase of life. I know that personally, I have difficulty relating to teenagers even in their late teens. The changes that happen within that span of time are some of the biggest a person will go through, in my opinion.

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  • SwickDinging
    3 years ago

    I wouldn't. I know it's only 8 years but the difference between being 19 and being 27 is massive. She's still basically a kid. There is a power imbalance here, whether you mean for there to be or not. Relationships are supposed to be equal.

    Then again, I do think that age gaps matter much less as time goes on. For example - if she was 40 and you were 48, nobody would give a shit. It would seem totally normal, as if there wasn't really an age gap at all (although if she's anything like me she would like to constantly remind you that she's younger because it makes her feel good)

    So maybe stick with it for now, see what happens. With each year that passes your age gap will become less relevant as she matures and gains more life experience. I would be very warey of the forever talk though - at her age she will be changing very quickly with each day and you don't know what the future holds.

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    • bbrown95
      3 years ago

      I agree, there are a lot of changes that happen between those ages, and the difference in what phases of life a 19-year-old and 27-year-old are in are vastly different.

      It's not really an issue when it's two people who are well into their adult years like you said, but I agree that at 19, most people are still mentally like a kid (and they will likely change immensely within the next couple of years; I know that at 25 I am nowhere near the same person I was at 19).

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  • FromTheSouthWeirdMan
    3 years ago

    So we are talking about only an 8 year age difference? Thats not that bad. Alot of women like men who are older and well off. Especially if you have your life and career in order and have money.

    Dont push her away dude. Just try to have fun with her. Make her have a good time when she's around you. Thats the most important thing.

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  • Taka
    3 years ago

    No harm in trying. I totally get your concerns, but at the same time - if both of you are feeling the same way, then you might as well try.

    You won't really know how things will go unless you try, but being worried about the age is understandable.

    I've been in 2 relationships where the age gap was 8+ and and generally things were working just fine, though there might be some things that you will feel differently about about, mainly just due to your age.

    Age generally isn't the issue, but what it brings with it. The higher the gap, the more experience and different outlook on life the older person in the relationship might have. It doesn't mean that it won't work, but it is something to keep in mind.

    I personally would be more worried about spending a lot more time together or perhaps even moving in together. There are just some things you won't notice about each other until you start spending more time together and some of those might change your view on the relationship.

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  • olderdude-xx
    3 years ago

    Go for it... This may be the match both of you are looking for. 8 years apart is not that far in the grand scheme of things...

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  • Tommythecaty
    3 years ago

    Is really not that big a gap, one of the girls I was knocking around with was 19 last year, I’m 33.

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    • bigbudchonga
      3 years ago

      Noice

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      • Tommythecaty
        3 years ago

        But I prefer women older than myself, they’re more genuinely confident and together

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        • bigbudchonga
          3 years ago

          Their looks really go down hill after about 38 though

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          • Tommythecaty
            3 years ago

            Haha what a specific age 😂

            I think it varies quite a lot

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  • LloydAsher
    3 years ago

    Ehh for a one night stand yes but a relationship no

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  • Mammal-lover
    3 years ago

    I started dating my ex at 19 he was 40. We broke up at 22 and 42. Age 9s just a number. If you make each other happy go for it! My current guy is 31 im 22. So not as much of a gap but its still there. We are quite happy together. So go for it dude

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  • rocketdave
    3 years ago

    When you are 45 she will be 37, it will appear as no difference.

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