Question for those of you with autism. do any of you lie well?

I have a friend I've known since I was a kid who I believe was misdiagnosed with autism. He is like any neurotypical person I meet. He's just really anxious around people (he has PTSD from childhood trauma).

Anyway they didn't really clarify why he has it and what they did say was so broad it could be anyone.. according to the DSM he only has one of the symptoms and many of his symptoms are from anxiety so not entirely sure how they reached that conclusion.

He's able to lie really well and has lied since he was around 4 years old. He was an only child and only lived with his Dad. He was embarrassed of how his Dad was a drunk and lived off money he inherited from his deceased father so didn't work so he'd tell his friends in pre k and kindergarten all the way through school that they couldn't come over his house because his Dad was a business man who was really busy and he would be in his office and the neighbor would watch him but couldn't watch anyone else because she wasn't paid for that. I literally believed him so did everyone else so he'd come over our houses but never go to his.

He had way more elaborate and convincing lies too like he lied to me about so many things and he did it so well I believed him. One time (this one is hilarious) he didn't get to finish his report so before school on the bus he literally wrote out a fake report with random words then dropped it in a puddle so that when he showed the teacher he could say it was ruined and she'd give him more time and she bought it he got another 2 days lol.

************

I always thought people with autism weren't good at lying? Everyone else I ever met with it usually are too honest and my friend is definitely not he's also great at small talk and can strike up a conversation with anyone, also has only neurotypical friends and we don't notice anything other than he's severely anxious sometimes. He basically has a fear of people because his dad physically and verbally abused him until he finally got away from his dad at 16.

Btw sorry I just realized I wrote way too much lol

Yes 9
No 5
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 12 )
  • ThatOneGuyYouNeverWantToMeet

    Most people I know with autism (my self included) aren't bad at lying they just don't like to, I don't like to lie because eventually someone will find out the truth or i'll forget the lie & slip up & someone will catch it.
    I say they are sometimes better at it because most people can't tell if they are lying or if it's their bad social skills, that tends to be with most things social in fact for example most people think i'm timid because I don't make eye contact & speak lowly despite the fact I see no reason to be intimated by people no matter the situation.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • ellnell

    Yeah I lie well. It's another stereotype that autistic people can't lie (though obviously it depends on where you fall on the spectrum which is very wide). I think it's more that we (at least those of us who are "high functioning") don't LIKE to lie. We prefer honesty and being straight forward but as we learn how to mask growing up, we also learn that it's not always okay to be honest. Masking in itself is a lie so technically we lie everytime we step outside in order to fit in with society. I learned it as a young kid, long before I was ever diagnosed but just "extremely shy" (when really I didnt know how to approach other people and how to respond to attempts at friendship) I was told by all the adults in my life to toughen up if I wanted to be liked by my classmates. I learned that lying is how you get forward in life. Along with that comes a great ability to lie. I definietely find my autistic friends way more honest than any neurotypical person i've been friends with or dated but many things can affect that not being the case. Wanting to hide a bad home situation and avoiding the risk of being lectured can be very valid reasons to lie, especially if one also suffers from anxiety and is more sensitive to these things. You find coping strategies... Lying can be one. When I tell someone i'm autistic they're really surprised, that is thanks to great masking, but there really is no such thing as "high functioning" as you typically struggle greatly with things and your friends anxiety is likely a side effect of that. I have anxiety too and both anxiety and depression are common with autism due to living in a world where you aren't allowed to be yourself. High functioning autism is very rarely visible in any way, it's like having high functioning depression - You may be able to live a seemingly normal life but never feel happy or like there's any point in anything and it may take a very clear routine to be able to keep going at all but it's easy enough to fake a smile when you have to.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • SkullsNRoses

    ASD is more complicated and varied than most people realise thanks to limited education and what little media representation there is relying heavily off stereotypes. Although I do not have autism myself I have met many people who do and they varied from some who never lied and almost seemed unable to do so to some who lied pointlessly and almost pathologically.

    Bare in mind that self-aware autistic people are often able to hide their autistic behaviours, this is known as “masking”. Some are able to do it so well that they are generally perceived as nuerotypical. I recommend some research into high functioning autism and masking, even just watching some videos by autistic YouTubers speaking about their experiences would probably help you understand your friend better.

    Your suggestion that he has been misdiagnosed by a professional psychologist who presumably conducted several tests and interviews with him is incredibly unlikely. With all due respect someone who has multiple degrees in psychology and years of experience working with autistic people is going to be a far better judge than someone who, from the sounds of it, has only read a few articles and the DSM V definition.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Vvaas

    autism is an entire spectrum, some people could be very poor at lying however others could be incredible at it. people higher on the spectrum tend to perform better at masking and keeping their symptoms hidden or to a minimal to the point where other people wouldn't even realize they're on the spectrum unless told.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • mouldiwarp

    I don’t but other autistics may. Masking autistic traits is common, it can be a survival technique in a society that doesn’t want us. You can end up good at it from doing it so much, but it puts you under constant stress, it feels like you’re losing yourself.

    Neurotypicals tend to lie to save themselves from punishment or to fit in with others, autistic people are more likely to lie to avoid disappointing people or making them feel uncomfortable.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • SwickDinging

    My brother is autistic and almost everything he says to me is a lie. He is fairly convincing, but I think that's because everything he says sounds awkward and he never looks you in the eye, so it isn't much different to a NT person lying. So you can't easily differentiate.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • GuvnorsOtherWoman

    I lie fairly well but don't believe in it because I prefer honesty.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Somenormie

    Yeah I lie well when I am not in the mood, as an autist I do it when people get too nosy about my life.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • 1WeirdGuy

    If you wanna be a good liar you better have good memory

    -Mark Twain

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Tommythecaty

    By nature they tend not to be as skilled at it due to the changing affects one needs to present to convincingly lie. Take a Ted Bundy character, they are the opposite in verbal affect to that.

    They can also be almost impossibly bad at creating follow up lies on the spot when under questioning. This is, in my experience, due to not being good with any push back or pressure. And if you’re telling lies to anybody sharp, there will likely be push back and follow up questions.

    It’s more who they are lying to that makes them ok at it or not. I’ve several friends with Autism/Aspergers, they fold under pressure very quickly.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • I've never met somebody who *didn't* have autism. It is so common that there might as well be a different word for people without it.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • I mean they say most people are on the spectrum even if only slightly but not enough to be diagnosed autistic

      Comment Hidden ( show )