People generally like me but i never feel liked
I got bullied as a kid and that sticks with me. I was mostly bullied for being a quiet girl and i'm still quiet. I've noticed one thing and that is I always have good experiences with people. People i've dated i'm on good terms with, at my new job my co-workers like me and thinks i'm a good addition to the group though they'd wish to know me a bit better which is what my boss told me after my internship period before she hired me. I've made a new friend this year and i've been a loner all my life. I've not had a woman friend since I was 6 years old and i'm late 20s now. She's new in the city so maybe that's why she really likes me so much, i'm her only friend here so far lol, but she seems to really like me. I have no idea why she likes me because i'm still sort of stuck in that place mentally where all the girls bullied me for being "quiet and boring" and everything was a contest all the time back in school. I was genuienly scared of being around other women for years after because I felt women thinks i'm boring so there is no point in even trying with them. I am a pretty boring person too I don't even swear because it's never come natural to me, at least I drink nowadays but not much because I suffer from chronic headache so it's a bad idea for me to drink honestly lol. Now i'm working at a small place that only has women working there and i'm making effort to make friends with women via a programme online that matches up people who are new to here with someone who's lived here a long time/all their life like me and that's how I met my new friend. I actually have photos to post on social media now of hanging out with a friend instead of selfies of just me. I've never posted photos with guy friends i've had because meh, don't wanna. I almost feel like a normal person but I still feel like such a loser just a very stiff and uncomfortable woman who ruins every moment. I have social anxiety and i've gone to therapy for that twice and i'm currently in it again, I can't seem to get over it. I still blank out in every social situation or feel that nothing I have to say matters because it's dumb.
Maybe i've always been afraid of people not liking me enough and abandoning me because as a child I had a friend i'd lock in a room at pre-school lol so she couldn't leave and play with other kids. That was odd... I'm still kind of like that because I always have a favorite person and i'm jealous of all their other contacts, but nowadays I just brush it off and tell myself to get over it because people have lives.