Panicking about being single at 31

31M here, just got dumped by the only girl that I have been in a serious relationship with, because of other opportunities. Anyways, long story so hold tight:

X < 19: I was the bullied kid in school, so I just focused on myself and maintained high grades.
19-21: Mandatory national service as per law
21-26: was studying abroad (B.Sc + M.Sc). Didn’t bother to seek out relationships in a country that I didn’t plan to stay in.
26-29: Ph.D studies abroad in a cold country, not staying there.
29: Finally got home to Singapore. Home sweet home. Almost immediately found a very nice girlfriend as soon as I set my foot back home.
30: She broke up with me after 16 months due to a Ph.D offer elsewhere… While I do wish her all the best, I ended up heartbroken while realizing how little I meant to her.
Few months between 30-31: Been on a series of bad dates where either the chemistry is lacking or the person is obviously digging gold (oh man I have some great stories about the latter).

31: Just reached here last week. We will see how things unfold, but at this point… I am starting to panic.

I should seriously had returned home after acquiring the bachelor degree… Man does life suck sometimes.

Is It Normal?
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 17 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • You know half of people age 30 are single..so it's definitely normal, crazy normal

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • There's nothing wrong with being single at any age, and a lot of people unfortunately experience breakups at all ages. Being single at 31 doesn't mean that your chances of finding a lifetime partner are slim to none by any stretch of the imagination. I know many people in very happy long term relationships and marriages who met at 30+.

    Dating definitely sucks, but all you can do is keep trying and putting yourself out there to meet more people, but whatever you do, don't put too much pressure on yourself to enter a serious relationship within a certain time frame (I personally don't believe in setting a deadline on things like this) or try to fit a round peg into a square hole by entering a relationship you don't feel great about just for the sake of being in one. I've unfortunately seen a lot of people do this and it never ends happily.

    I also agree with the comments saying to enjoy your hobbies as well, and that there is more to life than just dating (not that you can't actively date too, but don't forget to enjoy life in other ways as well), as I don't believe people can ever truly be happy in a relationship if they can't create their own happiness outside of one as well. A partner should add to one's happiness, but never be the sole provider of it.

    I wish you the best!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Meh, 31 is still young. You're going to be just fine. You sound like a well educated person with a good job who will land another girlfriend in no time. XD

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Happy belated birthday. You'll be fine. Don't settle for a less than amazing partner out of some misguided idea that you need to be settled by a certain age. You sound pretty settled to me. Settled with who you are. Now go and find some hobbies and enjoy life. A companion will cross your path when the time is right. Who knows, maybe the woman of your dreams hasn't finished her schooling or is stuck in a relationship that she doesn't know is wrong for her just yet. Just enjoy life.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • honestly i don't think you're that old, you still have a lot of time to find a partner so don't panic too much. sorry to hear about the break up, it can really suck but i'm sure one day you'll find a great woman to be with! if you're feeling lonely i have a discord server, a couple other people from iin are also in it and i could send you a invite if you're interested in joining :)

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • You sound like a well established man! Don't feel down because your dates weren't a hit, that's part of the dating game! You keep going until you find that diamond in the rough.
    Time is getting on but you are by no means out of the dating game at 31 and like I said above, you're quite established in your accomplishments!

    Do away with the idea you're going to find your next partner in life within a short period of time but don't make the mistake of thinking effort in to finding her isn't required either. It takes work and failures in the dating game before you find the right person.

    Whatever you do, don't panic as it may cause desperation and that could harm your chances. Keep doing what you're doing, going on dates but don't become insecure, that's something you should keep in check. :)

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • Thanks for the awesome reply! It really made my day. ✌️

      I do have some decent achievements, but at the same time I have come to realize that I have been neglecting the importance of a solid social network until recently. The 30 y/o crisis didn’t hit me until 31 as I was in a relationship at 30. Well, I guess we all panic for different reasons from time to time. 😅

      Comment Hidden ( show )
  • All you can do is get out more since you're back. Hangout with friends alot ask if any of your friends if their wives have any friends and yall hangout. Check your highschools facebook to see if any chics from back in the day are single and still good looking. If ur an asian doctor I'm assuming ur making some good money lol. I guess that gives u a different set of problems with gold diggers.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • Hmm, I would say I’m in the upper middle class. Completely agree on that I should mingle around more. As for now, I’m finding my dates online (averaging on 1 new serious person every 2 weeks). A major problem is that it either is a bad match in person or it fizzles out after a 3-5 dates.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Consider yourself lucky.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • It's not that big of a deal.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • theres more to life than women enjoy being single for a while

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • It's not that unusual but I would be careful telling someone on a first date, as a lot of (especially women for good reason) are cautious during the process and can falsely consider never having had a relationship as a red flag. Dating can be pretty hard, sometimes someone is great but there is no chemistry. A lot of people judge too quickly as well. Chemistry can definietely develop and this is something i've experienced as being the biggest issue in dating as I prefer to start out as friends and get to know each other without pressure and intimacy and everything that complicates. Chemistry that happens right away can be very shortlived anyway.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • i hear you can always find a girlfriend at orchard towers

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Stay with your head above water and you will be the saving tree branch for a woman who thinks she'll hit rock bottom

    Comment Hidden ( show )
Add A Comment