One of my best friends did something horrible and i don't know who's lying

Not sure if it's okay to talk about this sort of stuff on here, so feel free to remove this post if it breaks any rules. I don't usually go looking for advice online but I'm genuinely at loss as to what to do. A few months ago I went camping with 5 of my closest friends. That night we drank a lot and also got pretty high, and we all ended up turning in at pretty much the same time. Two of my friends, a girl I'll call T and a guy I'll call L, shared a tent between the two of them. A week after those events, T told me that L had tried to kiss her, but she refused her advances and fell asleep still clothed. However when she woke up, her belt was unbuckled, her fly was opened and her pants had been partially been pulled down. T is absolutely sure that L attempted to undress and take adavntage of her while she was sleeping. I confronted L about this of course, and he told me that it was T who had tried to kiss him, and that he just refused her advances and fell asleep. Now ordinarily I wouldn't stop suspecting someone just because they denied what they were accused of, but the thing is, I have known L for years, and he is the most respectful person ever when it comes to consent. His previous partners always went on about how he'd ask before doing anything remotely sexual with them. I've even seen him ask to kiss on of his exes before, so the story T told just painted L in such a different light, quite litteraly the opposite of the L I have know theses past few years. But T has been one of my closest friends for years as well, and there is absolutely no reason she'd lie about this out of the blue. She'd have nothing to gain from lying about it, and I know she wouldn't use such a sensitive topic just for kicks. I know something did happen for sure, because the one part of both their versions that match up is that one of them started making advances towards the other. None or my friends nor I saw or heard anything that night that could point to one or the other so the only two who know the truth are T and L. Both of them now hate each other of course, and I can't just stay friends with both, it wouldn't sit right with me to stay friends with someone who tried to take advantage of my best friend while she was asleep/someone who would use such a sensitive topic for no reason whatsoever. I haven't been able to sleep well for weeks because these thoughts have not left my mind since the incident. I doubt there will be any advice to clear this up since it could be anyone's guess as to who did what, but I'd still like to hear other people's thoughts on the matter.

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Comments ( 11 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • Well these things are always hard to prove regarding who did what. To be completely honest with you I would just try and drop the matter because it is really none of your business. Plus drama isn’t any fun is it? And you don’t want to put strains on any of these relationships, or add to the problem. If this really happened to T, I trust she will be able to speak to someone about it and receive a solution to the problem. But try to leave this between T and L. I’ve been involved with drama like this and what I’ve learned is that it’s best to stay out of it!

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    • Thanks for your reply. I have been trying to stay out of it because I'm in no position to choose or decide who is right or wrong, but all my friends have picked sides with one or the other and both parties say they would rather not stay friends with someoe who still hangs out with the "ennemy". It's extremely tiring and I feel like I"m being pressured into picking a side. It feels like I'll lose basically all my closest friends if I just keep staying out of it. I don't know. It's really hard to think things through. I guess time will tell.

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      • Fuck that never let people say "stop talking to that person". If they're really your friends they wont drop you for staying out of it.

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      • Then lose your friends.
        Regardless of who the victim is, if they expect you to take a side, they're both just looking to surround themselves with people to feel 'empowered'. You don't know who did what, whether she tried something or he did. Taking sides would be disingenuous.
        Don't sell yourself short to please anyone.

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    • This.

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  • If both T and L were drunk and high then honestly it's hard to take either account of what happened. Both could genuinely believe they're telling the truth, probably. Either way I think the situation between them could only be resolved by them, I don't know what you can do about it

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    • And also this.

      My friends and I drink copious amounts of alcohol and act like bafoons. We compare stories in the morning and it’s like 3 different versions of the same event. Lol. So silly.

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  • I would stay out of it but I can tell you one version that may not have crossed your mind. Sometimes women can get rejected and get very emotional about it and make up some kind of allegation to get back. This happened to me one time some girl at a party was trying to have sex with me and I rejected her and left the room (she would smoke cigarettes and spit on the ground alot it was really gross to me) and then she tried to make up rumors that I was gay. Telling everyone that i told her I like men and thats why I wont fuck her. She also called me a faggot infront of everyone there. I tried to reject her gently too by pretending to be too drunk and randomly wandering off LOL. Should have just told her to fuck off.

    But if he rejected her advances that is a possibility. Id personally stay out of it though.

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  • Just mind your business.

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  • Not sure of ages involved here, and not to throw the old responsibility issue up. But I've always known that if I go out partying or drinking even with a group if I elect to go into a room, tent, bed, where ever with someone one on one for the night. I'm taking a risk. In today's world that may not make much difference if they are male or female.

    Both are stupid for putting themselves in a one on one drunk situation.

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  • It sounds like trish and liam or tom and lisa don't know what happened if anything and it is weird for you to care so much unless you wish you could have hooked up with one of them? It sounds like no one remembers but it definitely isn't your business

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