Nursing home staff don't acknowledge my piano playing

I go into a nursing home and I play 1930s and 1940s music on piano. Most of the elderly residents love the music I play and really like me. But alot of the staff there, they will not compliment my playing and I'm very good, they will not even acknowledge me or say hi, some of them make it obvious to avoid talking to me when I try talking to them. I am extremely unattractive, and have even been told that, people often avoid social contact when I try to make it, and the looks of disgust in some people's eyes when they see me, and no I am not imagining it! My piano playing at the home really is professional sounding and very good. I know now that alot of your responses on this page about me playing piano so well will be like "wow! that is so cool that you play that piano music so well!" That's the response I always get online about this when people haven't seen what I look like. But in the nursing home where they can see me, I don't get anything like that, no matter how well I play the 30s and 40s music on piano. Please, don't respond with " I'm sorry that's happening, must be tough". No kidding it's tough. The responses I want are some answers on why these nursing home staff members (ages anywhere between 25 and 50s) are so freakingly unimpressed with some pretty talented piano playing of 30s and 40s music that sounds very professional and good. They will not compliment my playing even when I ask them, and they won't even acknowledge me at all, and they are very friendly to sone of the people there. They are even rude. Why? That's all I want to know.
I wanted to make piano performing my life until seeing all this horrible treatment from the nursing home staff inspite of my playing.

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Based on 13 votes (4 yes)
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Comments ( 22 )
  • Dustyair

    I don't understand why staff should care one way or another. Have you asked anyone what they like? Maybe Beethoven, Mozart, check out Brahms too. The staff could be into Jimi Hendrix for all you know. What is so horrible about your looks? 

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    • As soon as you saw me, your question would be answered. Short answer is, the size of my head is way too big for size of my face. There's an usual amount of length between the side of my eyes and side of my head, and between top of my eyes and top of my head. If you've ever seen anyone who has that, you'll see how much that alone hurts appearance, and it's the one fu**ing thing that plastic surgery cannot do anything about. In the looks department, I'm fu**ed! Now you starting to get the drift on why people are reacting to me like this in spite of me playing great music for them?

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      • Dustyair

        Got it!

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        • So does it now sound like my looks are what's causing these reactions from people?

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          • Dustyair

            Yes it does to a point, it sounds like there are some other issues to work out as well. But from reading your posts you seem to have a firm grasp on the aspect of your looks.

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            • How do I convince these people to stop judging me on my looks, to look past my looks, and recognize that I have other good qualities? I already tried the piano and that didn't work. Any other ways to convince them to look past my looks?

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  • JustSoPsycho

    You say most of the residents like you. You're giving up your time & not getting paid for *them*, not the staff. If staff don't like it, or you, they could avoid being on shift when you arrive, or leave their jobs. They don't sound that great to be honest.

    Grew up with blues & folk. Play that. Just don't play 'Fixin' To Die' or 'Urge For Goin' '

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  • McBean

    "Looks prejudice" is especially nasty in the performing arts. I suppose because the limbic neural response of beautiful music gets shut down quickly by unaesthetic stuff. If I were an oldster at a nursing home that dripped anally in my Depends all day, I'd find a comfortable chair, enjoy your music, and avoid eye contact. You probably wouldn't want to look at me either. I have facial scars.

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    • It's not the residents at the home who are having negative reactions to me, it's the staff. I'm not sure what you mean by "limbic neural response of beautiful music gets shut down by unaesthetic stuff".

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  • Pumpurrnickel

    You seem a little arrogant. They don't have to acknowledge your skill. They're busy at work. For all you know, they just aren't interested in what you play. There's nothing wrong with that.

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    • I don't mean to sound arrogant, I'm just freakin hurt by how people keep treating me over something I can't help.
      I had thought what I play, they may be interested in, I don't know. Do you know many people between the ages 25 and 50 who like to listen to 1930s music or watch 30s films?

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      • Pumpurrnickel

        No. I'm very young, I don't really talk much to older people.

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        • Do you know other younger people who are into 30s music and films? How old are you? 22, 23?

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          • Pumpurrnickel

            I don't know any people of any age who are into 30s music and films. That's too specific. It's not like people just walk around saying they like 30s music and films.

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            • You don't know anyone even older, like your grandparents who liked or watched it? I don't just go around anywhere announcing my love for 30s stuff. But when I am in a place where I am playing music from the 30s on piano, I thought it would get positive attention from anyone who already liked it.

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  • Why does the post heading on the main page say 4 comments, but when clicked onto here, there are only 2? I would appreciate a few more comments on this matter. How would you feel if you were a very talented pianist but because of your looks being so horrible, your amazing talent goes 100% unnoticed by people right there who heard your playing loud and clear. I just cannot think of any other reason why such great playing would still end up being met with such cold snobby reactions. And no, they were not in a bad mood, I saw them being quite friendly to others. I get cold snobbiness other places I go too, but it didn't hit me as hard because those people never heard me play piano and they had never seen anything particularly special about me so I didn't expect much reaction. But after hearing me play so well and still acting so snobby and rude?

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  • e51pegasi

    Mix it up a bit, play something a little more modern. Like some 50s & 60s tunes, you never know.

    Really showcase your talent.

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    • Algum

      I agree. Only the oldest residents, like the 90 years old or above are going to personally remember the 1930s. Most of them, definitely the staff at the home, the 1930s were well before their time and will not have that kind of connection to it, with the exception of the occasional person who gets a particular liking or fascination to music from a particular era, like your occasional Mozart or Scott Joplin fanatic. How many of those that are younger are there really? The younger staff, like even 30 or 40 years old may even consider it ancient dinosaur music that they simply have no interest in. I know that they could still appreciate talent, but many people don't, unless there's really something amazing you can do that would totally surprise them such as playing a concerto with your eyes closed, you know something that will get their jaws dropping 3 feet. As for the music for the listeners, try playing something alot more modern such as Whitney Houston, Phil Collins, Billy Joel, even slow metal hits like Metallica's Nothing else matters or Guns and Roses November rain. Try some of that and I bet the reactions from the staff will be different than from the music from 75-85 years ago that they've been hearing.

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    • I can try that. Hey, you think that maybe one of the reasons the elderly residents love the music I play and the nursing staff (ages like from 20s to 40s) are so unimpressed is because I keep playing like 1930s music? I thought before that they'd still be at least sorta impressed because of how good I am, but I wonder now, maybe it's like, well really how many 21st century women in their 20s and 30s are into 1930s music?

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      • e51pegasi

        The staff my well be tired of hearing the same music & the residents may appreciate a change also. All you can do is try & perhaps ask the management for some feedback.

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        • I've tried that, I can hardly even get the management to talk to me, at all. Only one nice manager, the one that "hired" me for this volunteer job, and even she turned cold shoulder now. I'm not even getting paid. I only took it because I mistakingly though I'd get alot of people's attention in a good way. Well, the elderly residents I have, and I'm glad about that.

          I am starting to figure now that with the staff, and I don't know if I am right or not though, that because I am playing 1930s music and the staff are between ages of around 25 - 50 something, I am playing music from before their time that they just don't have any interest in. With the residents, some of them may remember living through the 1930s and my playing sparks memories with them maybe.
          Now I also thought that the staff would still recognize musical talent even if it's not music that suits them. But I'm guessing that's another differences between the generations. More old fashioned people know how to appreciate talent and skill and they know how to recognize the nice act of volunteering to come play music for them. Younger, more modern people of today, and that can now include even up to 50 year olds, they don't give 2 shits about appreciating anything, not one's skills, not having no manners, none of that. They hear music that they are not into and as for any of the rest of what I'm doing there, they just don't care.

          I still think my looks is part of it too. Older people are respectful about not judging a book by it's cover than more modern people.

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          • Algum

            There is probably some truth to this last post, especially the part about the elderly residents having more connection and love for the old songs due to them more likely having been around back in the 30s, 40s, whatever. Yes, maybe there's some truth that the staff members are less able to stop and appreciate your piano skills and your benevolent act of coming in to play your music, and they may be being that way due to them being from more modern generations that don't have the same appreciation skills as older generations, it may be they're too stressed and/or busy working to stop and think about it, and it is possible that it could be all of that combined with you playing music from before their time that they just aren't interested in. It is time to stop freaking out about the staff, to get some confidence, and to stop saying "I'm so ugly". Even if you aren't the best looking, stop talking that way! That attitude will always only take your attractiveness down a notch further. Get confidence and stop worrying about the staff like this. And when performing, a more professional veneer is needed.

            I'm not even sure if people really were more respectful about how they judged performers back in the " good ol days". Didn't people once upon a time used to throw vegetables and tomatoes at performers they didn't like?

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