Normal feelings? transgender? i don't know if i feel comfortable

For a very long time I have been at odds with how I identify, how I was born. I'm the odd one out of several boys. We grew up very close to each other, and with our mother. Inevitably I ended up a lot like them. We have similar likes and dislikes, I used to sometimes wear hand me downs from the oldest, I haven't once liked "girl toys" or "carried myself like a girl" like my recent baby cousins do--who my mom adores.

It used to be okay. I was just called a tomboy all the time. But when I got older my mother got less and less accepting of that, visibly having to only "tolerate" my preferences, wishing I were different. One of her favoured phrases to remind me of my place is "I didn't have three sons. Show me my daughter." I hate hearing that. I've never liked being a daughter. I never liked having to hear "but you having a baby would be different from your brothers having one" or "I hate it when you look like a boy." My health situation determines I don't menstruate much and it honestly feels wrong to have it, or having to induce it. In places I don't show my face, I present myself as androgynous, or a man, and it feels so nice. Occasionally I forget my name isn't the name I choose for myself in these places.

Even with all this, hating my chest, disliking even looking in mirrors to remember how I look, I don't feel wrong about my genitalia, even if I do find myself longing for an entirely different body, or part, and that people in public saw me differently. I'm fine with some people in those communities knowing my "real" name, and day to day I still use it, but there's a certain joy that comes with that name, that way I present myself.

My mother would almost certainly be upset that she might "lose her daughter", so I've never talked or had the chance to speak with someone IRL about these feelings. I've spoken to folks online who say I need to find out for myself if I "feel" transgender, they give youtube links and articles, but I honestly don't know... I don't give myself the right to say I am out of fear I'm wrong and will be hated for "lying."

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  • My advice -

    First, do not do anything that would get in the way of living as you wish, however that is. Do not marry, get pregnant, don't get in trouble with the law, don't get into debt etc.

    There are people who live as the opposite of their birth gender. Some people, like a post above, will discourage being transgender. However, YOU are he only one who can decide what is right for you. If people do not like that some of us live as the opposite of how we were born then tough shit. If someone is not paying your bills nor providing you a home then they have no say in how you live.

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    • True but it shouldnt be encouraged either. You are lying to them. Whats the difference if someone says "I want to identify as a dog and live in a dog house outside everyday". I dont think you should be like "ok heres a dog bone".

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  • “Lose her daughter”? It sounds like she never had one to me.

    This may sound harsh but at the end of the day it’s your life not your mother’s, she should love you unconditionally and not expect you to live in misery as a cis woman to please her.

    Also ignore the troll using slurs and calling being trans a “trend”. Whether you identify as cis, trans, genderqueer or anything else you are valid.

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  • When it comes down to it you need to ask yourself is your happiness and well being more important to you than making others happy by embracing tgere ideas of who you should be over who you are

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  • I don't know how old you are or what your income/freedom situation is but I would recommend removing yourself from as much influence as you can from your mother. She doesn't understand or care how you feel in regards to your gender.

    This doesn't mean you should excommunicate her from your life in every way, but she is and has seemingly for a long time been projecting her ideas of what you "should be", and how to "behave" in her eyes.

    I am the only girl, I have 3 older brothers and was a tomboy though my formative years. I never desired or embraced anything feminine and was pretty much an outcast in social situations outside of athletics growing up.

    Personally I never thought of myself as a male or ever had the desire to become one, but maybe that's because my parents didn't badger me with gender/sex things. I was neglected once my brothers went off to college.

    With therapy I found out I had/have many deep rooted issues nonetheless.
    My advice is to seperate yourself from a parent that is projecting their values on you if physically possible. Seek therapy if available.

    Do whatever you can to find yourself with healthy guidance. Don't listen to the people here that are politically motivated... "be progressive be trans yay!" Or " you're born a girl, stay that way or reap repurcussions!"

    You should ignore anyone who has their own personal interests ahead of your own and just find yourself. Know that you are beautiful, amazing and fantastic no matter what. Your gender, your sexuality, your life, your decisions should be yours alone.

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  • OP, don't listen to fuckwads on this site with nothing better to do than spew hateful shit. Being transgender is medically recognized by virtually all large and credible health organizations, including the WHO. People who think they are smarter than decades of research and premier medical experts are fucking idiots and need to get their brains checked.

    Moreover, it isn't a new phenomena, nor a newly researched one (see Institut für Sexualwissenschaft for an example of an LGBT research institute that had decades of research on both gay and transgender individuals burnt in the Nazi book burnings).

    I'm not transgender (although I know people who are), but I think the best thing to do is to think over things and (if you truly believe it is something serious enough to think further about and are conflicted) see a therapist specializing in these matters if you are interested in the more medical side of things, or just if you need help figuring things out.

    What I would say is that gender stereotypes do not determine whether you are male or female. Not liking "girl toys" or "carrying yourself like a girl" has nothing to do with gender, only your personal preferences. This is not to invalidate your feelings, or anything else, simply to help you get that presentation and likes/dislikes are different from gender identity, although there are certainly many trans people who many have exhibited or stated similar things.

    My understanding from transgender friends is that dysphoria is not always severe and overpowering, sometimes it can simply be a desire or preference for certain physical parts. You can always try out temporary things that would be more affirming physically.

    Finally, if you're happier with being seen as androgynous or a man and referred as such socially, then I don't see why you shouldn't. Live your life how you want, as who you want. It can be intimidating, but your mother shouldn't insult or try to control you over it, nor should anyone else. You shouldn't feel like you're "lying" for trying to figure out yourself.

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  • Yea I cant be fucked reading all that

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  • The advice I'd give you is stop listening to all this new age bullshit. You're a girl. Life isn't fair. You can never be a guy. It doesn't matter how you "identify". Even if you turn tranny everyone can tell you're a girl, no matter how much testosterone you're on.

    And then what will you do when this transgender trend is gone? This transgender crap was unheard of 10 years ago. Its brand new. Now everyone feels like a different sex. Dont listen to this new age bullshit. You are a girl. Not trying to be harsh. The truth hurts, life sucks.

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    • Life does suck. Best to face facts now so you dont trick yourself and deceive yourself.

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    • Being trans is historaccly proven for hundreds if years now. It's just becoming more openly accepted so more come out. In tribes even to this day tgey havevproccess for it in third world countries. I'm not saying it's not barbaric by our standards but it's there and accepted

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    • Oh great 20 something year old wise one, please do share your worldly wisdom about the life of transgender. We look to you and your years of real world experience to light the way.

      First, you know nothing about transgender. It has been around LONG before you or even me existed. The only reason you think it is "brand new" is because no one made a big deal of it until that weirdo Trump made it a big deal.

      Also, "new age" has nothing to do with gender.

      While we are on the subject of "Brand new", did you know that song "Bohemian Rhapsody" came out in 1975 and NOT 2018 like many millenials probably think?

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      • Before Obama it was called cross dressing. You have to go back to ancient greece to find this shit. I understand this is a sensitive subject for you being a tranny and all.

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      • Trump made transgenderism a big deal? Y'all love to blame Trump for your problems. Didn't Obama pass a law that allowed trans people to use the bathroom that they identify?

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  • You never liked being a daughter, but you are. Deal with it.

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  • First, we use labels to familiarize ourselves with things. Biologically, men have estrogen but at a LOT lower levels than women. They have testosterone at a LOT lower level than we do.
    The main reason we start out as female is it's more efficient for a developing fetus to form testes and a penis than to have to break it down at a later time.
    Even during the pre-teen/teen years that is when we are starting....starting to find out who we are. Stereotypes exist b/c there is truth to them. A straight man can be into fashion and design but gay men tend to pursue this career.
    Clothing is made for body types. Dresses don't fit men. Male underwear doesn't fit women. We are biological compliments to each other.
    How you end up perceiving yourself at that time on, is from nature AND nurture. How your family adults treated and 'taught' you will influence your thinking.
    Long hair and fingernails is a person choice by either men or women. Society has formed stereotypes as well. Nothing is stopping a woman from having short hair or not wearing dresses often. Nothing is stopping a man from growing his hair out or 'dressing well' (suits, button shirts, slacks, etc).
    I won't get into the transgender topic. For one, no one can diagnose you over the internet. It's illegal and one can go to prison for it. If the issue affects your life so much then see your primary care doctor and maybe get a referral to a psychologist.

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