No sex from wife

73 Comments

We have been married for 20 years. Things were fine until my wife had a hysterectomy. She doesn't want to have sex anymore. We had counseling, it didn't help. Our marriage counselor finally told her, she will have to have sex or accept a divorce. My wife says if I file for a divorce, she will fight it until we are both penniless.

This creates a strange problem. I either never have sex again, or I cheat which I don't want to do. I could also leave penniless and lose everything. What should I do?

Get a fuck buddy.	26
Give it all to lawyers.	11
Grovel and submit to a sexless life, losing all personal pride.	12

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Comments ( 73 )

SKDM007

5 years ago

well i mean shes had a very delicate medical surgery, so its normal to want to stay away from any form of sex, i'd give it time if i were you, but if you are that sex-addicted then just get a sex toy

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  It has already been a year. I have moved into a separate bedroom.
  
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  - SKDM007
    
    5 years ago
    
    you can get a sex toy and it will be more private then too! you dont need humans if its just sex you want, using a toy will fulfil the same roles and is ready for you whenever
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      5 years ago
      
      I know. I'm thinking about buying her a sex toy for her private use. I could get one of those plastic vaginas and I probably will. But, a quick one with a female coworker in a closet sounds emotionally healthier if she won't change her mind.
      
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libertybell

5 years ago

If she doesn't want to be with you, then why doesn't she want a divorce?
I'm sorry to hear this. I hope things get better for you.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  Thank you for your concern. She has a marriage of convenience. A divorce would be less money and loss of the house.
  
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[Old Memory]

5 years ago

Cheating is just a word. Sex is just sex. Get a fuck buddy (or several) and enjoy!

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  Not my style, but there is little other choice. I would be unlikely to overdo it. If she gets pissed, I'll probably head to Brazil like someone suggested.
  
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  - [Old Memory]
    
    5 years ago
    
    Brazil! Brazil! Brazil!
    
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- JellyBeanBandit
  
  5 years ago
  
  Murder is just a word, slavery is just a word.
  
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PDKH

5 years ago

My wife went off sex 20 years ago it’s tough but just look after your own needs

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  So get a fuckbuddy, right?
  
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alec8750

5 years ago

If she won't give you a divorce, and you can't go without sex, then get a fuck buddy. Get several, if you want.

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chuy

5 years ago

Get a new wife or go out to the curve and get you a "gal of the night life"

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jethro

5 years ago

Just masturbate and move on. Jesus it isn't the end of the world, after all.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  So your saying we should give all our money to the lawyers.
  
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  - chuy
    
    5 years ago
    
    No...you know what I ment
    
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  - jethro
    
    5 years ago
    
    What does that have to do with lawyers? Stay married and just beat off once a week.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      5 years ago
      
      I've been jerking off everyday. But it just isn't working for me in the long run. I feel desperate.
      
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      - jethro
        
        5 years ago
        
        Well then you are hopelessly out of luck.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        5 years ago
        
        Somebody suggested going to Brazil. Do you think that is a good idea?
        
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Iszzy123

5 years ago

I believe that the way to a woman panties is through her heart you have to win her heart over again your love must overcome her fears
Or drug her

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  She sort of irrationally blames me for the hysterectomy without being resentful. She seems to like living like brother and sister because it calms her Catholic sensibilities. Sounds weird - is weird.
  
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Tealights

5 years ago

Sounds like she's still recovering.

My mom had a hysterectomy as well. She was bedridden for months. Even after she was able to walk, it still hurt here and there if she did task that would put pressure on her stitches. Given that the stitches were on her lower torso, her age (late 40's at the time), and slow rate of recovery given her age, I imagine that sex was definitely something she couldn't do for a while until she fully recovered, which took over a year.

Anyway, you make your wife sound like an awful person, but you married her for a reason and there's always two sides to a story. Other than the sex, what changed over the years? Why did she get a hysterectomy?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  The surgery was 14 months ago. She had endometrial cancer.
  
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  - Tealights
    
    5 years ago
    
    Recovery time is different for everyone. My mother took over a year to feel okay again as well given her age.
    
    Cancer, oh no... That's right in the uterus too..., that's basically being forced to give up a core piece of yourself as a woman. She must be going through a lot of emotionally ups and downs. Sometimes hysterectomies can bring about menopause which is a monster of it's own.
    
    Anyway I digress, I get your wife isn't ideal, but damn you seem so insensitive to a cancer survivor. Or maybe you're going through caretaker stress, where you've exhausted yourself making sure all her needs are met while she was going through cancer and healing for her surgery. You may need to step back and reexamine the relationship as whole from your needs/wants to her needs/wants.
    
    As the loving husband to "a leech that wants my paychecks," kind a wife, reexamining the marriage to pinpoint problems beyond sex should be easy for you, right?
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      5 years ago
      
      I see your point. But there is no turning back for her. She does have some very positive qualities, tho. She is fun to work with on hands on jobs. Long ago in college, she was the only girl that would help me fix my motorcycle.
      
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[Old Memory]

5 years ago

You forgot murder, that is also an option. BUT I HIGHLY SUGGEST YOU DONT DO THAT.

“At the time of publication, in 17 states and the District of Columbia, you can only file for divorce on no-fault grounds; the laws don’t give you the option of casting blame. These states, which include Wisconsin, Washington, Oregon, Nevada, Nebraska, Montana, Missouri, Minnesota, Michigan, Kentucky, Kansas, Iowa, Indiana, Hawaii, Florida, Colorado and California, offer no traditional grounds, such as adultery, abandonment or cruelty.” Or divorce her by going to a no fault state like what Russel Brand did to Katy Perry

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- McBean
  
  5 years ago
  
  YOU are forgetting another option. He could leave the country. Take out loans on half the equity of his house, and then go to Brazil never to return. HNW people do this all the time.
  
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  - [Old Memory]
    
    5 years ago
    
    Yeah, maybe op could even meet one of those crazy brazillian girls!
    
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    - McBean
      
      5 years ago
      
      He could probably have seven special Brazilian girls. One for each night of the week.
      
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      - [Old Memory]
        
        5 years ago
        
        A little bit monica on my side, a little bit of rita na na na
        
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        McBean
        
        5 years ago
        
        I like that song, dude. Think I'll pull it up on Pandora.
        
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  The no-fault idea sounds okay. But she is saying that if I did that she would continue to pester me with lawsuits until the lawyers had everything.
  
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    5 years ago
    
    Katy Perry? I heard that Russell Brand didn't take any money from her.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      5 years ago
      
      I am not married to Katy Perry. I'm married to a leech that wants my paychecks for life. She does not have a job. In return, she cooks and does half the cleaning. I do everything else. Now, you tell me why she should be so entitled. I want to level with you here.
      
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      - RoseIsabella
        
        5 years ago
        
        Hell if I know. I just heard somewhere that Russell Brand was entitled to a good bit of Katy Perry's money, but he didn't take any.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        5 years ago
        
        Your non-sequitur doesn't help anybody.
        
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  - [Old Memory]
    
    5 years ago
    
    She wouldn’t be able to do that, she’s bluffing. Otherwise Katy Perry would’ve done something. Well she may be able to, but if you hire a good lawyer to explain your case she wouldn’t win. Screenshot all the threats over texts if there are any and make sure you have an argument in hand.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      5 years ago
      
      She talked to an attorney, who suggested she do this. There is no settlement unless both people agree to it. I would not accept a settlement unless she agreed to not sue me anymore. It's not whether she wins the lawsuit, it's whether she can force me to spend more money on lawyers than she does.
      
      This is a very cold calculating female I am dealing with. She doesn't make threats.
      
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Indigo1

5 years ago

is there no way you two former love birds couldn't both perform some oral/hand love on each other?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  Nope. She said she is done with sex in all forms.
  
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  - Nikclaire
    
    5 years ago
    
    That's grounds for divorce or possibly annulment right there. Get it done with quickly.
    
    She has to have grounds to fight the divorce and if you cheat she will. Otherwise what hope does she have.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      5 years ago
      
      She has lots of hope. Fighting a spouse that's divorcing you on the grounds of cruelty leaves you open for character defamation. These kinds of divorces can drag on for years until both parties have no more money to pay their lawyers. This is what she has in mind. Lawyers have advised me against doing that.
      
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      - Nikclaire
        
        5 years ago
        
        Well if I were you I'd file for an annulment based on Fraud or Incapacity of Spouse, or you can live with the sexless marriage if you are too scared of her.
        
        The other option, if you are in the U.S, is no fault, but you'd have to split your assets. A small price to pay as far as I can see. Every state allows this in the U.S without spousal signature.
        
        The final option is take a few years to drain all your assets and squirrel it away into cash. Then file for divorce and go bankrupt. This isn't legal but they'd have to prove it. 7 years of bankruptcy and living off cash or a lifetime of sexless misery.
        
        Up to you, but grow a set and make a move.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        5 years ago
        
        Your first two options won't work. Annulment cannot be had after 20 year of marriage. The no fault option sounds good to me. But after we split assets, she will keep pestering me with petty lawsuits forcing me to incur legal fees.
        
        I like that final option. It might work better if I left the country. But, I will work out the details.
        
        Thank you for your advice. The way you have organized the options makes a lot of sense.
        
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brutus

5 years ago

That sucks man, but thats modern day female for you.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  Yanno, wouldn't it just be easier for her to fuck me every now and then? She is so selfish, she doesn't get it.
  
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  - LOLFanProductions
    
    5 years ago
    
    She's not the one being selfish, you are mister! How would you feel if you had a penis or testicle surgery and your wife was demanding for sex?! She probably feels like you only love her for sex. I mean you would feel used if your wife didn't give a damn about your emotions and thoughts? Not all recoveries are quick. I swear if my hubby did this, I would slap him and stand up for myself. No woman SHOULD EVER FEEL USED FFS >:( Sounds like you need to man up
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      5 years ago
      
      If I lost a testicle, I would still give her oral sex. I would help her with her feelings. I think you just feel entitled to take everything from your husband that he has worked hard for and dump him. GROW UP!!!
      
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      5 years ago
      
      It has been over a year and we have not had sex. She is better. Sexless marriages are not healthy.
      
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      - LOLFanProductions
        
        5 years ago
        
        There's no point to argue because it's like I'm taking to a wall
        
        You telling me to grow up is like you telling me that my point of view is irrelevant. There's no point to a dude who only thinks of sex and nothing more
        
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No sex from wife