My wife is getting annoying

I'm dealing with some really stressful stuff right now... taxes and a potential lawsuit among other things. She's upset that I'm not paying attention to her. I tried to explain what's going on but she doesn't seem to understand or care. It's annoying because she's trying to argue that I don't care about her and that she's going to leave me. I wore headphones a couple times so I could concentrate but she reacted to that by sleeping at her mom's house for a few days then coming home and not talking, sulking and staring blankly ahead.

Is It Normal?
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  • There's not nearly enough info here to tell if either or both of you are acting wrong and making a bad situation worse. Life stressors are commonly the cause of issues that cause divorce. It's how you handle them that determines whether you can keep your relationship healthy during the bad times. You both need to be part of the team, a buoy for the other instead of an anchor.

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  • If you aren't giving her any attention then what do you expect? You both probably have entirely different ways on handling stress.

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  • Learn to make your wife first. It’s not hard.

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  • Lawsuit? Oh shit, that's your job... you two could be homeless soon, and she's worried about getting hugs every now and then? I'm sorry.

    I get there are two sides to a story, and you could be just as wrong as her, but who has the bigger problem here? For example, if I came home after my boss threatened to fire me, and my boyfriend is mad at me for not washing dishes, which problem is more important and will be discussed? Mine, because that's half our income! A lawsuit is a big deal, and creates a lot of stress at work and home, it could even be the source of why you haven't been paying attention to her or whatever she's upset about; however, it's not fair that you have to put all your worries aside to cater to her feelings everyday. Why isn't she talking to you about your stress, and listening to you about how you're feeling.

    I get men are suppose to be strong and take care of their woman, but who takes care of them? I always felt a relationship should be a partnership where the burden is shared among everything else. My advice, try to talk to her again, very calmly. Tell her that you've been stressed out from work and that your job could be on the line.

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  • Sounds like there is a lot more going on here that what you've said. Not really enough info to make a judgement.

    My guess is you aren't involving her in your problems - are you talking to her about this? Have you asked her for help with anything? Or are you just acting like something is happening that's more important than her and shutting her out? If you're married you're in it together, you have to keep her up to date with everything that goes on and how you're feeling about it or you'll end up losing her as well as your career.

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  • If you want to keep her, you have to give her some attention and make sure she knows she's appreciated. Women are very perceptive, and the fact that you're stressing out is definitely stressing her out as well. Obviously she's not handling it well.

    You've got to be the man here and keep the stress to yourself. Be firm with her when you need time alone, but don't try to unload your stress out on her. That's what weaker men do--and their women grow to hate them for it.

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    • Oh for goodness sake, there are other alternatives than keeping the stress to himself or being a "weaker" man and unloading the stress on to her.

      You've never heard of couples sharing life's stresses and burdens? Your post sounds like marriage guidance from the 1950's

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      • You're an old lady, so it's surprising for you to take a feminist stance here. Femininity is a very beautiful and awesome thing, but it's also a delicate thing that can't exist under stress. It's why women who grow up in poverty or rough neighborhoods are tougher and more masculine.

        Women will get tougher and more masculine and bitchy if they face enough stress. If you're a man and you're into that for your significant other than by all means, unload your burdens onto her.

        Otherwise, you are far better off to keep it to yourself and confide among your male friends. I didn't mention the value of male friendship in my original post, but that's the best outlet a man can have for his stress. If you want your lady to be as feminine as possible, you can't be weak.

        It's just as simple as that.

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  • Have you talked to her about how all these problems and the possible consequences are freaking you out? If not, you should. Talk to her, tell her that your behaviour has nothing to do with your couple. Men tend to be more stress about financial issues than women and if you are not communicating she will have no idea why you are behaving the way you do.

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    • I second this.

      She probably isn't taking it seriously because you aren't projecting the seriousness of it and just shutting down and ignoring her like that.

      Communication is key to a smooth relationship. Ignoring a spouse will leave you spouseless.

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  • When you say "she doesn't seem to understand or care" means she probably doesn't really understand OR care. If those problems were transfered to her or to her name I'm sure she'd make more of an effort.

    If you've been the sole breadwinner in the family up to now it's even more likely that she will never fully understand it and think that "you not giving her enough attention" is an actual issue in real life.

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  • She should understand you and what you're going through. Don't ignore her though, let her in. If she doesn't want to listen to your problems, then she doesn't care about you enough.

    It's easy for people to say that you should pay more attention, meanwhile you're stuck and really stressed out. The fact that she actually threatened to leave you at a time like this, is worrying, I hope she wasn't being serious.

    Relationships aren't all fun and games, and we aren't kids to be attention seeking all the time. I shouldn't pass judgements because there's too little info. to go on here, the headphone thing sounds rude to me, especially if you did that to shut her out.

    I can totally sympathise with you though. I was in a very stressful situation myself, lost a couple of friends because I ignored them. I regret that now, however I am now working on those relationships again and I'm sure you can find a way to do something your wife likes and let her know you love her and the rest of your marriage won't be as dissatisfying.

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  • You clearly haven't been beating her enough

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  • She is needy and clingy. Tell her to get a life.
    She sounds like a typical female - sitting around sulking and feeling sorry for herself.

    Women though have no empathy when others in their lives have real world problems. I remember a few years ago I was in a car wreck (no one hurt) for the first time ever. I was also dealing with trying to put an end to another legal matter. Of course the other party was threatening jail and fines and mutilation etc, even though I was in the right. My sister though, on the day I got this letter, was in the mood for shopping and could not understand why I was not up for it.

    Anyways

    You didn't mention the nature of the lawsuit though. I know you are concerned about that but it may not be as big a deal as what you are imagining. I have no clue because I am no attorney but you didn't give details. Either way it would be stressful. Try to find out what the possible outcomes are in your own case. If it is some petty bullshit like a creditor is wanting to sue for $1,000, that ain't nothing.

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  • Talk to her for a bit, she may be worried for you.

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