My wife had a hysterectomy
My wife had a hysterectomy and doesn't want to have sex anymore. I have given her six months to adjust, and she is physically better. But she just won't have sex. What should I do?
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Oi! She may be physically healed but her hormones aren't balanced yet. Otherwise she may have a libido. And she likely isn't getting wet enough to tolerate pity sex. She should talk to a doctor about her sex drive and tips on getting it back. You pressuring her or making her feel like less of a woman really won't help.
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My wife had a hysterectomy some 8 years ago and after a period of recuperation and treatment she was back to having sex again. My wife did suffer from discomfort at times before her operation which did curtail our activities which was only natural. A little understanding is essential and caring for your loved ones is necessary here because I don't think you can generalise over such a wide subject as this. I also believe that if a lady always had a low sex drive before, there is no reason to think that it would be any different after her operation. Best to give it a little more time before you make any drastic decisions on you and your wife's future. The suggestion of having treatment for your wife has already been stated which is good advise, don't just give up. All the best.
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From what you say in your OP and comments, it sounds like you're doing your best to be reasonable and respectful, but she's never been that interested in sex and now is simply not interested in even trying to resume having sex.
Maybe there's always been a fundamental mismatch in your libidos, and the hysterectomy is a convenient excuse.
If lack of sex is the only thing wrong in your relationship as far as you're concerned and you really don't want to divorce her, then couples counselling seems the logical thing to do. If she's not willing to do that, then it might be helpful for you to talk to a counsellor on your own to help you sort out your true feelings and decide what you should do. If you're not willing to get a third party involved in sorting out your problems, then I think you need to ask yourself just how much you want to stay with her.
You say that she's told you that she'll fight you until you're both broke if you file for divorce. On the face of it, this is a vindictive thing to say. Maybe she is just a stupid, petty person who feels her self-image and social standing would be battered if her husband rejected her, or maybe she's just desperate to hold on to you because she can't imagine any viable alternatives to life with you, no matter how miserable she may be.
In any case, since divorce has already been mentioned, it would be wise for you to seek expert advice on what would actually happen if you decided to go down that road. I don't know where you live, but in many places these days contested divorces are pretty rare, and it's difficult for a spouse to challenge a divorce petition if the couple have been living separately for a couple of years.
The fact is that no matter how much you may regret marrying the woman, you are now legally attached to her, and you can't just dump her like you would a girlfriend. Leaving her will have financial consequences, and it will result in a general upheaval in your life. Only you can decide just how important a sexual relationship with her is compared to those negative consequences.
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[Old Memory]
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Well sex is the whole fucking reason guys get in relationships most of the time. People like to deny it but uts fucking true. Have you ever been in a relationship before with a guy? I don't know of a single guy on the face of the earth that's not old as fuck that would be okay with shit like this. His wife is the fuckin worst kind of person.
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[Old Memory]
I don't think that many "fuckin"'s were necessary there, ace frayho.
Anyway, im sure some males care about their partners more than just to have sex with them, but maybe i am wrong. I guess maybe males do only want to be in a relationship for sex.
Is that why the "friendzone" is such a bad thing to guys? I never understood that either. But hey. I'm probably wrong. I just personally don't get it.
I don't believe she is the worst kind of person of she had a hysterectomy for medical reasons, which, in the majority of cases, is why women would get a partial or a full hysterectomy. Because they are suffering.
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Well, chief, I don't expect you to understand the male sex drive as a female. Duh! But yes, that's the main reason or at least a hig reason any guy gets into a relationship. Guys have a much harder time not having sex than women and so a guy like OP would be totally fucked if his wife never wants to have sex cause of course he can't be with anyone else. This is EXACTLY why the friend zone is so bad, guys really want sex whether the consciously know it/admit to it or not.
I think it's a low move to never let your husband fuck you and you shouldn't have married him if you aren't attracted enough to him to want to have sex or at least let him relieve himself!
Ad for the procedure, I don't know much about it but I don't think I need to. It's an operation on sexual anatomy without the consent of her husband that makes her never want sex. That's all I need to know to call OP's wife a selfish scumbag. Maybe their is details that I don't know about or missed that would change what I think but based on what I know, that's my opinion.
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Anonymous Post Author
1. Yes. It was a full hysterectomy, meaning that they also removed her ovaries.
2. Yes, being friend zoned in a dating situation is pure unadulterated rejection for any single guy, because he is being marshmallowed - offered phony friendship because she perceives him as a loser.
3. It sounds like you are saying my wife and I should have separate bedrooms. Is this correct?
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She is going through A LOT already without you pushing for sex. She probably needs to get on hormones to feel like sex. It takes a while. If you seriously want to cheat on your wife that is going through this. You need to think about how you would feel if your balls were cut off and you lost all interest in sex, well that's pretty much how she feels! Maybe you should think about what kind of husband/person you want to be. Because I'm sure she feels bad about turning you down all the time.
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My comment should really be addressed to the OP. But, I am giving it to you because I think your perspectives on my idea will be more useful to the OP than the idea itself.
It seems to me that the wife is "gaming" the OP into a functional divorce; kind of a brother-sister relationship. She has never wanted sex with him, perhaps married him to have children, and has zero options for herself if he leaves. In response, the OP could take out loans against half their net worth and slip out the back door straight to the airport for a one way flight to Rio De Janeiro. In this way, she gets her abstinence from sex, half the couples money, and he gets his hot humping and sweaty love with the thong bikini girls of Ipanema. Legal fees are avoided by both parties.
What do you think? The OP desperately needs a woman's opinion on this. Your viewpoint on this kind of stuff is usually the finest at IIN.
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