My son says i never taught him how to be a man?

As an abused child with terrible parents and a terrible past, I will give you my opinion. I personally believe that you made parenting mistakes and this resulted in your son behaving improperly. I deduced this from your behaviour since you said: "I told him his brother in law has better character than him". This is a mistake and you should not do this. I remember my father always telling me that I am a terrible son, a miserable person, a failure and that others are better than me. This is very wrong. No matter whether you are correct or not, you should never tell your own son that you consider someone else better than them. You will not solve anything with this, in fact, you will do worse. Your son will feel demoralized and will hate you for this, whether he shows it or not. His way of expressing the hatred for you was to tell you that you failed as a parent, which is probably also true, just as you were also probably right when you said that his brother in law is a better person. You both said the truth, and it did not help you at all, but it caused even more harm and tension between you two.

When you told your son that someone else is better than him, you automatically showed him that you feel like giving up educating him, and you realized that he cannot become better, so you looked at someone else and deep down in your mind you wished your own son was like his brother in law. You dismissed your son and made him feel like he is terrible and that you would want someone else to be your son, but not him. In my opinion, you should never dismiss your son, you should never compare it to someone else (whether it is a positive or negative comparison from his perspective) and you should never mock or judge him.

In my entire life, I have never seen a person judging/attacking/offending another person, and the other person to say "You are totally right and I will do exactly what you say now" and to actually do it. Things don't work this way, and they never will. In fact, if you want to change someone, you must at first show respect for what he is at that moment, to demonstrate that you understand his current position, and he can accept you instead of perceiving you as an intruder. This is valid for everything in life, if you don't show respect for an environment/community/society and for their positive traits/benefits/achievements, you will never be able to determine them to become better. You don't go to a country to tell them they are horrible so they should elect you as a president to make them better. In the same way, you don't go to your son to tell him he is worse than someone else and then expect him to give you power and authority over him and to listen to you.

You must respect your children, listen to them, listen carefully without judging, listen to his entire story, show that you understood it, make sure you have a full perspective, then listen to her as well in the same way. Then after you demonstrated diplomacy and you paid attention to both of them, you must start discussing with them, preferably at the same time, at the table. Be a good mediator, do not judge any of them, do not compare them with others, do not make them feel bad about themselves. They must feel bad about themselves when they realize that this is the right way. Tell them that you are there to help them and you want to reduce the conflicts, but also to listen to both and make sure that they are both happy.

What I understand from your actions is that you actually did not do anything related to the conflict itself. You simply said: "hey, you shouldn't be angry at women, because I say so!". I don't see how this approaches the problem or anything related to it. Instead, I recommend understanding exactly why this happens and what is to be done. Then point the right direction once you decided it and insist on this direction to be followed by them. Using force is, in my opinion, the last thing to do for now, since you are far from making all the steps in deciding the right path, let alone enforcing it.

Edit: I just read one of your comments. When your son said: "you never taught me to be a man" he was not sorry about it. He still isn't. He said exactly the truth, just how he felt it. Taking it back is just to make you feel happy, but this doesn't change the situation at all. There is no such thing as taking it back, he know exactly what he said and why, and that was his honest opinion about you. You can accept it or force him to take it back, it doesn't matter anymore.

You should therefore become a better parent, like we all have to become better people, and it is obvious that there are some flaws in there that require immediate action. One of them is teaching your son and daughter diplomacy and respect for each other, even if they are old and have their own families. You just need to change the approach, but you should still do it. Not doing this makes your son believe you are a bad parent and he is probably right at this point. Go talk to them now, and be sure you make it properly. To not let anger take over you, make sure you stay cool and you deliver the right message to them.

All parents screw up, we just do it in our own unique ways.

If you seriously believe that no man should ever be annoyed by anything a woman does, then it's possible your son has a valid point. You recognise that your daughter deliberately provokes him and say she owes him money from long ago. If they were two brothers, would you still criticise your son for how he treats his sibling?

You give minimal details, but it sounds like your daughter could be a spoiled little princess, and your son is well-aware that she's always been your favourite child.

Telling your son that your son-in-law is a better person than him is a totally dickhead thing to do. It's one thing for a parent to comment on specific actions and behaviour in a child that we find troubling or less than admirable, something else entirely to compare them to someone else and judge them to be a lesser person.

He has every right to be angry at her. She borrowed some money and promised to pay it back but she never did.

This is very simple, if he loaned her the money then she should pay him back, but if he gave her the money then she is not obligated to pay him back. Your feelings about the matter are irrelevant, the only thing that matters in this situation is what their original arrangement was.

Slow down and consider spell check and structure.
not cause Im perfect.
It just makes it understandable to read, and comprehend.
The sister and you are at fault.
You barrow something, you return it.
Daughter doesnt know that?
You failed to teach that.

there is one way u can help him to become a man
just help him in night

Teach him how to have sex
He will thank you for it later

As others pointed out, you didn’t get into much detail about the situation.

But what I make about the situation is that you two have a broken relationship. Not that I think what he said was entirely appropriate, though more likely emotion-driven, but I suggest you two sit down and act like adults and try to hear each other. I think there’s communication problems on both sides, but it needs to be sorted out if you two desire to have a healthy relationship.

And I agree with Boojam. Comparing your son to his brother in law is shaming him in front of his family. It’s like your son saying to you at a family reunion “Uncle Joe makes more money than you, why don’t you try and act like him.”

And I’m lost as to why you think a man should never be angry at a women. I’m sorry, but that might one of the most asinine beliefs I’ve ever heard. She’s failed to pay him back and was willfully provoking your son. Do you just expect him to sit there and smile? That’s like your boss not paying you, so you get angry, then your coworkers say he’s an authority so you shouldn’t get mad.

I would like to hear more about why she owes him money, how much, what she was doing to provoke him, and the exact wording you said to your son while comparing him to his brother-in-law.

"And I raised him to let his sister use him." No parents even if they actually do that will brag about it over the net. Misogynist unmarried, childless troll spotted, if hide my comment I will re post it again lol!

give em a beating, that's lesson number one