My partner is unavailable

My boyfriend is going through a lot right now with academic upgrading, looking for a new place, and losing two of his dogs. All that being said hes been a bit unavailable lately. Am I completely self centered for feeling ignored/not cared for? I communicated that i felt he was emotionally unavailable. Should i just suck it up and get through this short period of transition or communicate more? Thanks in advance

Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 18 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • I can’t stand when people bother me when I’m upset. It just adds to the plate.

    My bf however, wants me up his asshole if he’s upset.

    We all handle shit differently. All you can do is let him know you’re available if he needs you.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • If he's going through something just remind him that you're there for him, don't be pushy.

    Sometimes that will happen and you have to focus on yourself, remind them you're there but let them have their alone time if needed. I'm sure if he cares about your relationship he doesn't want to be emotionally unavailable to you. Just give him time.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • I've also been having this problem, I truly wish you the best!! Hopefully things will smooth over

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Litelander makes a good point. “Adds more to the plate”. I think one of the best things you can do for someone who is overwhelmed is to help take some things off their plate.

    Doing, or helping with, some daily monotonous tasks can be incredibly helpful for people’s mental health.

    Going over to help with dishes, laundry, fill their car up with gas, maybe come over and cook/prepare some meals for now or later, clean up the place together, can all be very simple but great ways to help your partner out.

    For helping yourself take care of your own emotional needs, I can relate a bit. I get lonely fast, I’m pretty emotionally “needy”, and I find myself being “selfish” when I start to feel down because I’m not being given enough attention.

    I found that when I was helping my wife, or my buddies, or coworkers, or anyone who was a more “closed off” person when down, eventually they would open up more as the tasks went on

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • You should try to do your own thing, honey. I don't know about the other stuff, but losing two dogs sounds devastating! 😭

    Maybe you could tell him that you're there for him if he needs you, but don't make a big deal about how you feel like he's being unavailable after two of his dogs just died for the love of God.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    • Its a bit more complicated than that. They havent died, one moved away with his ex 2 months ago and the other he needs to rehome, isnt technically his dog, its his roommates but he is essentially the dogs person as he takes care of her.
      I completely understand his feelings when it comes to the dogs though as ive been through similar things and we both adore dogs. Its more like, he doesnt open up when i check in with him, its sort of like generic answers. But i see this could just be how he works through things.
      Thank you for your feedback 🙏

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      • You're very welcome, CuriousKitten. Im sorry, I think may have misunderstood about the dogs, I was thinking that two of his dogs had passed away, and crossed over the Rainbow Bridge.

        I think I need to rethink my response.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        • I appreciate the apology, its okay and i can understand how what i wrote could be interpreted as the dogs crossing over the rainbow bridge 😊 I hope the rainbow bridge is real and youre reunited with your cat ❤️

          Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Long term relationships only work if you can support each other and be understanding when there are short term (and even medium term) interference's in your life.

    Being able to "suck it up" for months (or longer) is a part of the deal...

    I suggest that you be kind, supportive, and acknowledge that you know he's going through a lot right now; and that you are there for him.

    When he gets through it - he will be so appreciative of you...

    One of the most meaningful responses that my wife once got when meeting one of my coworkers and his wife was when she commented to them that they seemed so happy and wondered how long they were married.

    He answered that they had been married 24 years, and have had 20 years of happiness. She quickly stepped in and commented that was true and for 4 years things really were not fun at all for either of them (downright bad at times) - but they worked through it and built a better relationship that was more fun and happy than before.

    As we have gone through our trials and tribulations of our marriage... we both have referenced that conversation multiple times (we are 9 1/2 years into our marriage).

    Long term relationships are about working out problems and situations. Not avoiding having them, or cutting and running when things get tough.

    I know that you can do that, and I believe in you.

    I wish you and him the best...

    Comment Hidden ( show )
Add A Comment