My neighbor being so grumpy

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15 Comments

I have been very neighborly to the guy (who's in his 70s) who lives downstairs in my apartment building, but he keeps getting grumpy with me and I don't know why. Today, I offered to carry his heavy bags of groceries for him and I did, but he still bit my head off every chance he could. I know that it's not related to his health because he's been going to an excersise club 3 times a week and still is, so it's not any health ailment that is getting him like that.

I haven't just brought in his groceries, I've also shared food with him. On Christmas, I gave him alot of my leftovers. I've brought him a cupcake, cookies when I have them. I've been so nice to him but he keeps responding to everything I've said to him lately in a very short and snappy tone, he'll shut the door in my face while I'm still talking and I'm not blabbing away or anything like that. I only say a total of 3 or 4 sentences to him everytime I see him, it almost seems like just hearing my voice irritates him now. I don't understand this, after how nice I am to him.

You think maybe he's just one of those types who hates sugary sweetness, people who are too nice? I do remember one time him getting off the phone with someone, didn't say who, and he was grumbling about how it annoys him when he was asked "how are you today?" (I don't know what else was behind that particular detail though).

And I can't confront him about how he's acting towards me because I've done that before, very politely, and he hates that even more. I just asked very calmly "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to annoy you" or "Are you upset with me? I apologize for whatever I did", and he snapped back with "Don't you start with that blah blah blah!!!!".

Any advice? If I'm nice and helpful, he snaps back. If I bring him something, he doesn't appreciate it and he snaps back the next thing I say, and I say nothing but snalltalk, or just asking him if he's keeping well or whatever. And then, if I confont him calmly, he snaps back. What else should I do to handle this?

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Based on 2 votes (1 yes)
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Comments ( 15 )
  • RoseIsabella
    1 year ago

    Maybe he just wants to be left alone?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      1 year ago

      I've thought of that, but he seems to not be annoyed with our other neighbors when I heard him talking to them. But I don't know how they have been with the helping him carry things, bring him food, etc. Maybe they've given him more space than I have, but I don't know, not even sure if that's it.

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      • RoseIsabella
        1 year ago

        What do ya'll try to talk about with the old dude?

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          1 year ago

          Just small talk, about the weather, music, movies, and I ask him how he's doing. But he'll stop me now before I even get far talking about anything, he'll either say nothing in return or give a very short response with irritated tone, like I said before. What do you think, should I just stop talking to him and stop offering him to help him with things? Because when I do now, he just shows no appreciation and really snaps at me. Why would someone get so irritable with someone who keeps being nice and trying to help him?

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          • RoseIsabella
            1 year ago

            I dunno. I would probably back off.

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              1 year ago

              Good idea. I'm wondering though, should I tell him that I won't talk to him much anymore before doing so, or should I just not say anything and do it? Reason I'm asking is that me saying something first could ironically stir him up further because he's hated me calling him out on his bad attitude and I'd still be doing it in a sense even if it's to then back off. Besides, he might not believe I'll do it until I actually have gone a certain period of time not talking to him much anymore.

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  • normal-rebellious
    1 year ago

    You shouldn't talk to or help your neighbours, these people can be dangerous and not want to know you, you should literally mind your own business with him without doing things for him, he might be nosy in the end and ruin your life if you keep talking to/helping him. What you do is a normal thing as the neighbour's more normal than you, but fine you understand what's said your way.

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  • darefu
    1 year ago

    If I had to go to an exercise club 3x a week, I'd be grumpy too.

    You didn't say anything about yourself but sometimes older people perceive things about people, they can think people have and underlying motive. These perceptions can be dead wrong but they are their perceptions and older people do have to be careful. They constantly have people abuse them for, money, sexually, even housing, and especially anything that deals with computer or technology, they are told by every senior group to be Leary of younger people that try to befriend them for no or little reason.

    They see the world that they grew up in disappearing and don't understand a lot of it, or reverse, they've seen it before and can't understand why younger people won't listen to them.

    Might be best to just let them be, maybe say hi and leave it there. Maybe instead of helping carry or doing stuff, just offer your assistance and let them make the decision. As far as food, it's a nice gesture but to tell you honestly most relatives or friends of his would probably tell him to not eat it and just throw it away. People do stupid stuff, when it comes to how we treat our elderly.

    You sound nice and have all good intentions but he is living in a world where that is an unusual exception, and not the normal.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      1 year ago

      You have alot of good points. We all live in a world now where someone being very nice without an underlying motive is not as common anymore. I can see how my neighbor may see my niceness as having an alterior motive, but we've lived together for over 5 years now and I would've thought that by now he'd believe my niceness as being sincere. But also, he still may be wary of me just because I'm from a different generation from him, he's in his 70s and I'm in my 40s.

      Another thing though is that my neighbor just may be the type who just finds really nice people to be saccharine. Being very nice can be an attribute that'll get some types of people to like you less, and will make them see you as a doormat or a punching bag, they'll use you to take their anger towards the world out on you because they feel you'll let them get away with it, where a prick will bite back. Many people, including pricks, are lazy and usually take the easy way out of lashing out only at those less likely to bite back (like the kindhearted ones).

      But with the elderly populations now of those in their 70s and 80s, I agree that there is less trust from them towards those from younger generations (even those just 20 years younger like those in their 50s or even around 60)

      The world has changed since the 1950s (which was the time of his youth) so most people who were born considerably later than that won't be fully understood and definitely not trusted as much by their generation.

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      • darefu
        1 year ago

        I agree with you, the elderly today are cheated, abused, and taken advantage of so much it is even sanctioned by businesses.

        I help care for an elderly person who's only child lives over 8 hours away. We've known each other for over 10 years but I can still feel the apprehension that the child is afraid a relationship will build between their mom and care takers and she will voluntarily or be talked into signing her belongings over to us.

        Elderly people a lot of times need other people to help them but it is so hard to know who you can trust.

        To your point there are some that are just grumpy old people.

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