My gf is polyamorous

I must admit that it sucks finding out that your girl is poly 3 years down the road, especially when we have been living under the same roof for 1 year. I was planning to propose to her until I found out about her kink, which made me take a few steps back.

I have never caught her with another dude, but she told me that she is “friends with benefits” with 2 other men and sometimes she hook up with strangers. She told me that she can’t just stick to 1 guy physically. Just thinking of another guy touching her makes me jealous, upset and angry, but at the same time, I feel empty inside when I think of dumping her. It’s like she is a part of me and everything is wonderful about her except for her kink…

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 28 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • It's not just a kink, man. It's a lifestyle and since she didn't tell you prior to engaging in any of those fucks for THREE years it's just plain lying and cheating, not polyamory.

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    • Came to say this. She didn't disclose it at all. You can't just cheat and say you're poly. Lol.

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  • Your girl is cheating on you, homie.

    Polyamory isn't when only one partner knows about it.

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  • Nah man thats cheating.
    As strange as it sounds even poly people have standards and value honesty, your partners know it from the beginning and have agreed to the "rules" of your relationship. Just sleeping with other guys has nothing to do with being poly, that is her using an excuse for cheating. If she was really poly she would've told you and you would've been fine with it or not dated her if you weren't.

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  • Yeeeeah sounds like there’s a huge lack of communication there man, may be doing yourself a favor by not proposing. Maybe that was a way to either see if you can handle that lifestyle and be okay OR teach you that’s a deal breaker 🤷🏻‍♀️

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  • Dump her. That's called cheating.

    If she wants to bang other dudes while dating you, the only way it shouldn't be an immediate cut-off from your life is if the relationship started with you knowing about it/agreeing to it.

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  • Your girlfriend is a platypus?

    Weirdy.

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  • Thats rubbish. Shes cheating and making a bad name for ethical polyamorous people. Not cool.

    You may feel empty for a while but in time you will get through the break up. Dont be so desperate for love that you abandon yourself. ❤️
    Good luck friend.

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  • DEMOTE HER FROM GF TO FUCKBUDDY. ITS NOT A KINK ITS CALLED BEING HORNY ASF

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  • Dump that lying, cheating skank-ho.

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  • I am poly... I function best with more than one active romantic partner; and I never had to lie about it to anyone in my life. Every potential partner was told in advance that there was at least one other partner and what the basic rules were. My wife and I have an agreement on how it works.

    Her lying about it is unacceptable for a long term relationship. She should have told you up front before you had sex the very 1st time.

    I'd just move on and be very glad that you did not marry her.

    Now for the future. The most current estimates put about 7% of the population as "poly" at some point of their lives. It is not that uncommon: Remember the bibical stories about multiple wives, in addition to concubines... that shows you how old poly is; and there is nothing wrong with it if everyone is honest up front.

    The other thing is that I recommend that you read the book: "More Than Two" by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert.

    There are a lot of issues that have to be dealt with properly to have a long term stable poly relationsiip. There needs to be rules. This book covers all the various issues and explains some of the potential options on the rules.

    I wish you the best in your future. Please find someone who is honest with you.

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  • I don't know how common it is, but some people seem to justify cheating or developing romantic interests in other people as "polyamory". The latter happened to me, but I ended up being dumped because I told her she had to choose between keeping our relationship or developing a new one. It's made me very sceptical of anyone who claims to be polyamorous. As many other commenters have pointed out, some people are genuinely polyamorous and are open and ethical about it. Others use it to justify cheating. Unfortunately, this falls into the latter category in my view.

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  • Kind of like saying she's wonderful except when she's not being wonderful.
    If she kept that hidden for 3 years doesn't it make you wonder what else she's lying about?

    Dump her. She's manipulative.

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  • My opinion is while it is normal to be polyamorous, it is not to hide it from your partner.
    Polyamory is when all partners of the relationship are consensual partners and obviously you were not. It seems apparent that this relationship is not for you. Even if you love her you have to let her go.
    What she has done is called cheating.

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  • ok, so, someone with poly parents here, as many others have said, this is just cheating. my theory is someone caught her and threatened to tell you, so she tried to cover her butt by saying she's poly. someone cannot be poly unless both partners agree to a polyamorous relationship. i suggest you break up with her, as she seems very dishonest. you should also inspect other aspects of the relationship just in case because who knows what else she's hiding
    also polyamory isn't a kink

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  • If you love her as you say then be her cuckold and shut up

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  • When I simply read the title I was baffled that the normal rating was 25 percent. Then I read your post.

    Being polyamorous is quite common. That's normal. What isn't normal is not telling you up front and then having sexual relationships behind your back. That's cheating. Dump her.

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  • Thats fucked up she waited so long to tell you. We share each other sexually with others but its mutually agreed and we enjoy it. What she is doing is wrong since you don't approve.

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  • Roll with it and fuck around who you want too, share your experiences with each other then fuck each other. Maybe even get involved in some 3 sums

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  • So for me Yes this is totally normally and actually a turn on for me when my girl does this sort of thing.. I find promiscuousity alluring and irresistible.. This type of relationship absolutely leads to a stronger bond and a closer relationship than most couples never get to experience.

    Unfortunately for you this isnt going to work since the thought of her with someone else makes you jealous which I totally understand and it's not fair for her to bring that up after 3 years..

    I wish you luck. You also may want to consider how hard it is to find folks who are sexually confident. So maybe you can see it for what it is and adjust because most people end up cheating anyways or you'll always end up getting jealous over attention your girl gets... I learned to live without a jealous heart and once I started understanding what compersion really meant that's when my life started being more open, trusting, loving and fun !!!

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  • Don't marry or propose to her, but I would recommend finding yourself a couple of friends with benefits yourself.

    If you have others to comfort and play with it can ease those feelings of jealousy and anger. A lot of that happens because we put all our eggs in one basket and feel betrayed and lost when the other person crushes the eggs.

    Find some others to play with get rid of those feelings then you can make the decision to move on or keep her as fwb. Just be honest with your others that you still play with her.

    Hiding relationships is just cheating.

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  • Damn that sucks. Just keep her as a gf. If you do ever decide to marry make her sign a prenupt. Do not I mean DO NOT marry a girl without a prenupt. Even if she makes more money than you dont do it.

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  • normal. I don't believe in "cheating."

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