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I found out about my 11-year-old daughter and I have told her that I was her father and the truth about why I wasn't there and she refuses to let me in she is disrespectful but I keep going me and her mother are back together we are all in the same house what do I do
Look man as far as she is concerned your just a guy her mom is dating. So far you mean nothing to her. You need lack of better words to buy her love. Give her memories, be fatherly to her. I would suggest looking up step dad guides and following them. I'm sure they hold great advice
At that age it's difficult to explain adult situations and reasoning. Impulsed based wants and so forth are at their prime around that age. I'm sure your daughter will come to understand (even if she doesn't say it) and accept it. Right now though, you're someone who wasn't there when they should've been. In time that'll change. You're still her parent but at the moment things are wobbly. I suggest researching effective parenting techniques to use on children. One simple one I learned in Psychology was for instance; when your child has done something wrong, you give them a choice (ie, lose a specific toy or be spanked). What you're doing is giving them a certain degree of choice they wouldn't usually get which puts a certain degree of adulting on them. Same goes for meals, get their input based on an itinerary YOU give them. You have the power but you're giving them a say. It's one of the buildings blocks to a positive relationship with your kid
Thanks man. I work with kids and am a very family oriented person. Growing up I took a psychology course that touched on effective child raising and parenting techniques. It was honestly a life saver, I teach many friends what I've learned to use with their kids too, they're all so happy :)
So this 11 year old girl has only just met the father she hasn't known and you're suggesting a spanking be one of the punishment options? That's ridiculous and hardly likely to encourage her to get to know him. In any case, why would the girl accept any discipline from a father she's only just met?
Unless she's said that she hates you, what is the meaning of your heading? It's more likely she feels awkward and resentful and doesn't want to be too close with you yet, or she may never want that. What does she do that's disrespectful? If you mean not responding to you in the way you want, that's her right and it's disrespectful of you to pressure her in any way.
She's just learned about you. Giver her time. It has been her and her mom for a while right? so now you come back along and expect her to just accept you?? Girls do not work that way. Giver her time, get to know her, talk to her, be respectful to her and she will come around. If you come in trying to tell her what to do she will just rebel!! trust me.
Well chief, her response seems normal. Its gonna take time for it to wear off no doubt. You literally need to chill.
This will take time and you need to be the patient non-pressuring adult. Ask her if she wants to ask you anything about why you haven't been around and LISTEN TO HER. Her mother could also play a part in talking about the situation from her point of view.
However, she's a little girl and can't be expected to necessarily understand adult decisions. Above all, don't push her in any way and focus on her needs and feelings, not yours: remember that she had no choice in this situation.
It would be a good idea to talk to a child psychologist about how to handle this situation.