My boyfriend is jealous about my sexual past

and when i say jealous, i mean he's literally broken over it.

im not going to go into too much detail, but ive done a lot. pretty much anything you can think of, ive done. except getting fucked in the vagina. i have done anal, though.

long story short, my boyfriend is very insecure because of it and has major retroactive jealousy because of it. he's known about it for awhile but it's gotten worse over the past few months. he feels like he's not the best and wants to be the best and is upset that he wasn't the first to do these things with me. he also doesn't feel like i still have my virginity, but i believe i do since nothing has been in my vagina except fingers. but whether or not i lost my virginity is based on opinion but my own opinion about it is that i consider myself to still have my virginity.

but anyway, all he ever talks about is my past and he vents about it every day. at first i would listen and try to help but it's been about 8 months of this, i don't know what to do at this point. i want to help him, but i don't know how. ive tried literally everything.. but it's just getting worse. im considering breaking up with him because i want him to find someone he can be the best and first for.. but at the same time i love him too much. but is it selfish to not break up with him? or would it be selfish to break up with him?? i don't know.

i feel like im not what he wants in a relationship, and he's insecure because of me. i want him to find someone who can make him feel confident and like he's the best, but at the same time i want to be that person. but it feels like ill never be that person, all because of stupid shit i did when i was a teenager. he deserves someone who he sees as a complete virgin, and i deserve someone who sees me as a virgin. but we've been together so long and we've been through so much,, neither of us wants to face this truth.

thanks for reading this if you made it this far. and if you have any advice, ill appreciate it.

don't break up with him	7
break up with him	17

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Comments ( 24 )

RoseIsabella

4 years ago

I think he needs to get over it.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  4 years ago
  
  he can't.
  
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    4 years ago
    
    So then just forget about him.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      4 years ago
      
      we've been together for 6 years, i can't just forget him tf
      
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      - RoseIsabella
        
        4 years ago
        
        Maybe you guys can go to couples therapy?
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        4 years ago
        
        he already sees a sex therapist
        
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Clunk42

4 years ago

I don't agree with people's thinking a break-up is inevitable. I personally think that what he needs is a nice chat about how irritating he's being. (I wouldn't consider you a virgin either) It sounds to me like he's obsessed with making you happy. He wants to you to have the best sex you've ever had with him. You need to tell him that if he wants you to be happy, he needs to stop complaining and that none of the stuff he's complaining about matters to you.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  4 years ago
  
  ive had many chats about it with him, he vents about it everyday. he knows how i feel about it, and that im considering breaking up with him so he doesn't have to be insecure anymore and can find someone without a sexual past as extreme as mine that will make him feel confident. because no matter what i do, or what i say, i just can't make him feel confident because he feels like he sucks compared to everyone else ive been with and he wants to be better but feels like he never will be.
  
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  - Clunk42
    
    4 years ago
    
    Well, there's a simple answer then. Lie to him. Tell him he is the best and he'll forget about it not long after.
    
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momwatcher69

4 years ago

I think he has un-realistic expectations, of you.
You, or anyone, can't un-do what we did, in our younger years/prior history, and for him to "whine" about it, is immature, and for lack of a better word: IGNORANT.

The "stupid shit you did as a teenager" was probably just normal 'fun'.

This guy can't change what your experiences are/were, so what is his problem?

If he can't accept you, as-is, he needs to move on, to DreamLand, where he can find the 'perfect' girl.

You put up, with his whining, for 8 months? I wouldn't have taken it, for 8 DAYS.

He's a bully, because he's trying to "shame" you, for stuff you did, BEFORE you met him.
He's also a control freak, because he wants to be certain you're a virgin, and he wants to "conquer" your vagina.

I'm a guy, & if he was one of my buddies, I'd tell him he was being an asshole, and to grow the fu** UP !!

WTF ?!

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dimwitted

4 years ago

Whether it's now or later it sounds like the break up is inevitable. Dragging it out will just make it worse.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  4 years ago
  
  i don't know. i feel like it would be selfish to break up with him, but i also feel like it's selfish not to. we're honestly fucked either way. so i may as well stay with him, right?
  
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  - McBean
    
    4 years ago
    
    It's a lose-lose. Find someone else that is more worthy of your vagina.
    
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SilverFoxGen

11 months ago

I can't take the moral high ground to judge any of the girls I've been with because I've done and had things done to me that you only hear about in the fantasy books. Not to mention I've had SEX with over 100 girls and women so far. I honestly can say I do prefer for my girls to have quite an extensive experience in SEX over those who don't.

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jasperoliver

4 years ago

bro he's insecure about it just work through it an communicate don't straight up ditch him the fuck

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  4 years ago
  
  did you even read what i said? i have been communicating with him, for months now i have been trying everything to make him feel more confident and better about himself. nothing has worked. i want to break up with him so he can find someone who hasn't done a lot of sexual stuff and can make him feel confident, it's not "straight up ditching him". if i do decide to break up with him it's so he can be happy with someone without a sexual past, or someone with a sexual past that's not as extreme as mine.
  
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bleedingdiarhea

4 years ago

Hes obviously very insecure as you said but also immature. How old are you guys?

If you think hes a good catch, it's probably worth trying to make him see that hes being insecure and needs to grow up, but then again if in 8 months you cant make him see the light, he may never see it. I would just have a serious talk with him and let him know that you're thinking of leaving over it and see what he says. Maybe, just maybe, he will work on himself. You can also try letting him know that you find him attractive and sexy. That might lessen his jealousy of your past experiences. At the end of the day though, he just needs to grow up or you should leave him and go enjoy some good vaginal sex with a guy that's not an insecure baby. Hope this helps

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  4 years ago
  
  he's 21, im 22.
  
  ive already had many conversations with him like that, he vents every day so eventually i need to vent about him venting. somewhere in the vent i ask, "should we break up? i feel like we should so you can find someone that makes you feel confident" and he always says no and that he loves me and he'll try to be less insecure about it and he's confident ish for like a week then something triggers him to be broken and insecure about my past again. usually it's during sex, if i moan or orgasm or squirt or something he gets turned off and he's like "other guys and girls have had this/done this with you" and is depressed, jealous and insecure about it again. and he cries about it a lot which always hurts me to see
  
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  - bleedingdiarhea
    
    4 years ago
    
    Then you know the answer. Sorry, hun
    
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  - SilverFoxGen
    
    11 months ago
    
    When you say y'all are having sex would it be safe to assume you're having ANAL SEX?
    
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My boyfriend is jealous about my sexual past