Most of my dates have spending problems

Dude here, early 30’s. I’m seemingly a boring person, but I do think ahead of time and I own a nice apartment, nice car and I have substantial savings. Ready to kickstart a family at any moment.

Now to the list of girls I have dated during the last 6 months:
Girl 1: spending problems, frequent traveler with her dad’s credit card.
Girl 2: No spending problems, but she didn’t want to get to know me because of no hobbies in common.
Girl 3: some spending problems, but not extreme.
Girl 4: No idea, as I didn’t follow up after the 1st date
Girl 5: 36 y/o earning 100k+ usd/yr, but living with a roommate because she blows all her money on travels/expensive meals. What the actual…
Girl 6: has 3 horses and 2 dogs that she barely affords to feed so she ends up feeding them the bare minimum… yikes
Girl 7: another traveler. A trip every 2-3 weeks…
While I do agree that traveling is necessary, I would say a decent amount would be twice per year, not every month or every few weeks…
Girl 8: negative net worth, spends money on travel, restaurants, massage, spa…

Now let’s go deeper on girl 8 as she actually left a real bad aftertaste. She went on a trip to Madrid and I spontaneously offered to come along. She declined my offer saying that it’s too early, so I stayed behind and just worked instead. When she came back a week later, she asked me what’s new in my life, to which I replied “nothing, just working as usual”. She called me boring and talked down on me saying “nothing is ever happening in your life”. True, but I’m saving for the future unlike her… She has a negative net worth due to her spending problems meanwhile I have an apartment, car and substantial savings ready to build a future with the right one… None of the other girls insulted me apart from this bimbo

is it normal to keep running into these people? Geez

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 29 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • People with horses are a special kind of insane. It would be cheaper, and less dangerous, to be a crackhead
    -someone with horses

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  • The common theme among all these women is dating you. While some of their behaviors may be unhealthy, I think you have to ask yourself what keeps attracting you to the same type of women.

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    • Likely fishing in the wrong pond

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  • I'm a woman, but this shit almost sounds like some of the chicks I went on dates with. None of them knew how to save money, they were always broke, and their mom and dad always came to their rescue(there were also quite a few liars).XD

    But anyway, you seem like you're a good egg since you said you're saving money and you're independent. Keep your head up. You'll eventually find your equal. People might tell you you have no right to be picky, but in your case you absolutely do. Do NOT settle for some inexperienced broke chick that doesn't understand finances. You're only going to screw yourself over in the long run if you get with a chick like this.

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    • Thanks for your awesome words. Glad to hear!😊

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  • Where are you meeting these women? Dating site? Mall?

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  • My problem is books and a growing nintendo collection. My friends is travel and pets. It's certainly difficult to find someone who knows how to save. I work for a good company that for the area pays pretty well. Far 2 many of my coworkers are check to check. Some cause of schooling wich is fair but others not so much..

    My advice don't let any potential partner know of your finances and the like. Your a man getting older with a good head on your shoulder. Presuming you are reasonably attractive you'll have no trouble getting women in time so it'll be down to choosing the right one.

    Men and women value different things in each other in most terms so yea you can probably be picky

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  • You must have expendable income yourself to have even found out so much about these girls.

    My advice is to go on cheap dates like walking, and coffee, or appetizers, to find something worthy before you could even know their financial situation.

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    • My wallet is bleeding, yes. 😂😅 On the bright side, I am able to meet my saving targets.

      I usually just go with what the girl suggests, like dinner, coffee, parks, museums etc. It’s mainly dinners that are costly as those tend to be like 50-70 usd for 2 people (I pay the full bill). I allocated a budget of 500 usd per month for dating. Works well so far as I only exceeded it slightly in December, but I have been able to stay under the budget the other months.

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      • Oh no, "i usually just go with what the girl suggests" That is bad. Women want a man with a spine in decision making and in the bedroom.

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  • Better selection than the women I've had to date. With my shitty dating selection, travel usually meant finding another place to stay when they got evicted for not paying rent at whatever squat they were living in. Instead of horses they typically had dogs that were so unhealthy they should have been euthanized years ago. And finances? We are talking welfare food stamps and WIC. For their fashion sense they often looked like they got their clothes out of a thrift store dumpster.

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  • How was your mother about debt?

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    • My mother paid up my dad’s house loan and she was generally very much against debt. While I don’t have any debt myself, I do understand that it may be a financially good idea to leverage by taking loans for smart investments, such as property as the interest rate of the loan is generally lower than the inflation + value increase combined.

      I am not against people taking loans if it’s for good reasons, but I do find it stupid to take loans for something that isn’t a necessity or something that would decrease one’s net worth.

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      • Your mother paid off your dad's house loan? Can you tell me more about that business?

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        • What’s abnormal here? 😅

          My dad had about 70% of his house paid up when he married my mom. She sold her apartment, paid up the 30% and moved in with him. Since they are married, they own 50% each. I don’t see anything weird here.

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          • Okay, right on. That's what I was hoping. I wasn't sure if you're folks were married, or not, nor what your dad's financial situation was.

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  • Girl 9: Stays in the one place for extended periods of time.

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  • Although it's important to save, don't make it live you an unfulfilling life. Try finding a hobby that only requires little money to get started (like playing an instrument or doing a sport). I haven't travelled in 3 years but my hobbies are much more fun anyway.

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    • And also yes those girls are very basic and unadmirable

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    • I don’t live an unfulfilling life at all. I do travel twice per year for leisure, but at the same time I am not overly spendthrift.

      Examples:
      * I cook my own dinner. Most of the girls I dated eat in restaurants on everyday basis.
      * I have a holiday budget that I do not exceed. This means 1-2 overseas trips per year, not half a dozen to a dozen like some of the girls I dated.
      * I bought my own apartment instead of renting one. Paying rent is throwing money in a black hole.
      * I have saving targets that I ensure to meet.

      This doesn’t mean that I’m a cheapskate. I just have a very structured life. I always pay for the dates and refuse to go dutch, treat friends and family and even donate 3% of my salary to charity. All of this is possible because of budgets, planning and being well structured. 😊

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  • Sounds like you have a type. Maybe adjust your strategy a bit. Not sure how as I've never used a dating site, but there has to be a way you can filter out those who are irresponsible with money.

    But it also speaks to a bigger problem in society. Debt is far to common and banks prey on those who live outside their means. But living within your means is becoming more and more difficult. And many people choose travel as a form of mental health therapy.

    Maybe you should look for friends in general, those who share common interests and hope love grows out od that. Otherwise this serial dating will only find you people who want to date, not people who want to build a life with someone.

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    • I’m mainly using a dating site due to being relatively introverted. I’m not the type who approach people without knowing them. 😅

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  • Go with

    girl 9: Under 23 years old. Grew up in a church going family. Grew up humbly. Has a strong value of family. Hasnt fucked more than 4 or 5 guys.

    These girls are easy to impress. You give them a decent car and spending money and they're happy. You be nice to them and give them attention and get cool with their family. With these girls you gotta be cool with her dad. If you go too old she will be stuck in her ways and you cant change her. And also if a girl is still single over 30 you gotta wonder why.

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    • It would be slightly predatory for me to go for a 23 y/o. Maybe a 26 y/o would do (I’m 33) 😅

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      • The law is 18+ and chics like older dudes who cares. If she likes you its cool its not like you are tricking her into something. Shes not gonna find a 23 year old guy that can offer her so much and if shes attracted to you and not a gold digger who cares. The old girls are single for a reason.

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