Losing faith in humanity

I go into the pharmacy, short on my meds. I haven't taken my antidepressant for 12 hours and the withdrawal is severe. I have a headache and I am shaking and sobbing. My conscious movements are jerky and stiff. Even my breathing is strange and irregular. I am experiencing pain, and this is manifestly clear.

Nobody in the queue offers to let me go first. Some shoot annoyed-looking glances behind them. One asks me if I'm okay. I nod my head. I am not coherent enough to tell her that I am in pain but I that I know what is happening and that I will be better once I get this drug down me. She invites me to sit down. I shake my head. If I were coherent enough I would say that the problem is my head, not my feet. I stay as still as possible and try to dissociate. The woman invites me to sit down again. It occurs to me that she might be doing this to make her feel better, and not to make me feel better. So, fine. It is now time for speech. 'No thank you. I don't want to.'. She looks at me like I've just said something unreasonable.

It's my turn. I hand my prescription and insurance docs to the pharmacist. I wonder if I should apologise for the state I'm in. I decide not. I'm crying and shaking because I'm sick. It's not a moral failing to be sick. On the contrary, it's what this man is in a job for. Dealing with sick people can be socially awkward and messy, yes, but that is part of the job. This is an unpleasant situation; not an abusive one. I refuse, in myself, to apologise to the Pharmacist, or to show any signs of remorse for existing.

He studies the documents, raises an accusatory eyebrow at me and says "There's a problem here." I beg him, "Oh no, please no problems." I am both panicking because of the withdrawal and angry with the man. He had seen the name of the doctor and the word 'Psychiatric Consultant' at the top of the prescription. What did he expect me to do about a medical administrative problem while crying and shaking like this? He replied in a defensive voice, "Okay, okay. There aren't any problems!". He continued to look at my document. He chided me, '
"You have brought this to me one week after it was prescribed.
Prescriptions must be brought sooner than this. You have brought it too late!" At this I just lost it. A person comes to a medical service provider in a state of manifest psychiatric emergency and the very last thing they need from a medical professional is to be presented with administrative problems and criticised. I stammered, "I had some left from last time!" He came back at me with, "Well, you shouldn't have let your reserves run so low."

I splutter, "Yeah well I have a life!! When you're open, I'm at work!!!

The man goes into the back office and brings back 2 of the 3 boxes. He says, "We only have two. You'll have to come back tomorrow."

I said, "You said that last month and because of work I still haven't had a chance to collect them!!"

So, this was my life yesterday. Is it normal? Should it be normal?

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 9 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • It seems like everyone was nice. They are not the emergency room. If your withdrawals are that bad you should have went to the emergency room. And no matter how you splice it you were late getting your prescription. We all have work but you gotta figure out how to get your meds. If your withdrawals were that bad how could you have even been working?

    The withdrawals also sound like unnaturally severe for being antidepressants. They may have thought you were putting on an act abit. They see people withdrawaling from opioids often its not new to them seeing people in pain waiting.

    Unfortunately you can not expect everyone to do so much for you. You are an adult and they're gonna be annoyed that you expect them to go out of their way and not do wrong when you have done wrong yourself. You cant always expect favors.

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    • You have no idea what emergency rooms are like in this country. Or how notorious this particular antidepressant is for its withdrawal symptoms.

      I don't take those drugs because I want to. I take them because the psychiatrist said I need them to get better. I do my best to take them. But I don't always manage because I'm human, and because I'm under a kind of strain that people who need to take this much antidepressant aren't usually under.

      I'm a teacher. I work every workday except Wednesday, and I get the bus at 5.30 or 6.30 in the morning and usually get home after 7 at night. By the end of lesson 1 I'm usually dog-tired but if I see a 16-year-old break down and cry in an oral exam because they haven't revised and they're in a mess, I still comfort them and, if it's an internal exam that I've set myself, I offer 5 minutes of my lunch break for them to do a re-sit. I might never see the kid again after that exam. I don't care. I don't give a shit that it's the kid's fault and that I'm inconveniencing myself for it. It's not a matter of the kid bringing it on themselves. I know what it is to be in so much distress that you break down and cry in front of someone who has a piece of your future in their hands, and I would spare anyone the indignity. If you can palliate someone's immediate suffering so easily as to give them 5 minutes of your time - or even just to let them cut in front of you in line at a pharmacy - why wouldn't a person do that?

      Don't people generally want to help suffering people at such little cost? Doesn't it hurt NOT to help people when you can? And aren't a lot of the things people suffer from ultimately their fault?

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      • Id say maybe even the majority of people would laugh if they saw a video where you died in some funny way. Its a sick world, unfortunately. Nobody cares because your prescription was old and you look like you dont feel well. Most people fake emotions to seem nice but they dont really care.

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  • That sounds like a 100% you problem and a 0% them problem.

    It's your health. So it's your problem.

    If I dont take my meds my balls start to hurt and i get fatigued. A plenty a reason to keep them filled.

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  • Thats gonna be a you problem. You're gonna want to file that with the department of “No one gives a shit” and “its all about me me me and not you” department. The world is cruel and unjust, but literally no one in a random line is gonna accommodate for you and your problems unless you are bleeding out on the tile. Even then the accommodations are gonna be questionable.

    Very rarely are people kind to others anymore

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  • Humanity is certainly not a thing is which to put one's faith.

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  • I'm antidepressants too and they can be a bitch to deal with but if the alternative is to stop me from going off the deep end or in some anger or panic attack of wanting to pummel someone with a wet pool noodle then that's just what I gotta do. I respect you for going in so bravely though. My anxiety woulda made me go there early and just as the pharmacy opens and I'd be sweating the whole time. But yeah my only advise is to set a reminder on your phone so you get them in time next time or have notice when you do run out.

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