Is this wrong?

84% Normal

I have been told my entire life that women should never do anything alone. that we are always going to be victimized when in public places and theres safety in numbers. I do not disagree with those statements, but sometimes being alone is my only option. I understand the risks of being out at night, alone, but if there is something I want to do, I will do it. Group or not.

For example, I have gone to several concerts, by bus, alone because I really wanted to see the band live, but no one wanted to go with me. I had to lie to my family that I was going with people just so I could go by myself.

I also like to occasionally take walks or ride my bike at night because I like the quieter sounds of the night, rather than all the daytime noises.

I understand that the world is full of creepy people and that I have to be hyper aware of my surroundings, but i'm not going to stop enjoying life because I cant take a friend with me.

Am I wrong for thinking this way?

P.S.
What tips do you have on staying safe when doing something as a single woman.

Voting Results

84% Normal

Based on 31 votes (26 yes)

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Comments ( 60 )

CountessDouche

4 years ago

No, you are not wrong. I can't imagine living a life where I couldn't do the things I wanted because I was deeply paranoid & filled with fear.

Crimes against women do happen. You should be aware of that, but unless you live in a bad neighborhood & engage in really risky activities, they are statistically unlikely. Anyways, no point in living for a longer time, if you are too scared to live at all.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  4 years ago
  
  A large portion of the things I do are safe, like go to the museums, bike ride (day and night), go to cafes, ect. but I have recently been going to a local munch group in the city. There is nothing unsafe about the location or setting other than the fact that is a bunch of young random people meeting up to talk about kinky things. I have no regrets about going but I am worried that my family will think otherwise and shame me forever for engaging in a "dangerous" activity.
  
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  - CountessDouche
    
    4 years ago
    
    I feel old af...what is a "munch group"?
    
    & I wouldn't be worried about going to sex related activities that are organized & at a paid venue...they probably have security & shit to ensure everyone's safety.
    
    Your family won't know unless you decide to tell them...or something happens. It's your choice whether you want to talk to them or not, but it sounds like you aware of your environment & smart about being safe. Other than that, there's really not much more you can do. You should never give up your life or happiness worrying about what COULD happen. If you did that, you'd never leave the house...or even shower...so many people slip in the shower!
    
    Listening to Americans online...it's very disturbing...so much:
    You could get robbed at any time. You need to carry weapons. Train in self defense. The police won't help you. The gubbment is out ta getcha. Collect canned fewds. Fortify the bunker...like holy shit.
    
    Just exercise common sense. Be aware of your surroundings. Don't do anything reckless & read up on what to do, should something bad happen. You absolutely are more vulnerable as a woman, but don't let that ruin your shit & keep you from living. Like, just be normal-people sensible & careful & you'll most likely be fine.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      4 years ago
      
      A Munch is considered a type of organized event where kinky people meet up in a vanilla setting to talk all things kinky. Its a stepping stone platform. You go to munch, meet some people, then hopefully make some friends and go to other more progressive events. (I dont really plan to do that yet). I think this post was created out of anger for still living with sheltering parents.
      
      If I lived on my own, this post wouldnt be happening as I would be going to all the events I felt comfortable going to alone, and not worrying about anyone but me
      
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      - Doesnormalmatter
        
        4 years ago
        
        How do I find one of these munch meetings? It sounds like something I need!
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        4 years ago
        
        You just google around for munches in your respective city. This one is mine: http://tngc.org/index.html
        
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      - CountessDouche
        
        4 years ago
        
        That sounds like a bunch of fun hahaha!
        
        But don't rage at your parents. They obviously love the shit out of you. Being overprotective means that they care...it's stifling, but it's a good thing.
        
        Just be careful. Don't do anything reckless & take care of yourself. If you prove to them that you are capable of assessing the risks, making sure that you are safe & being smart, they will slowly begin to trust you. If they object to stuff, just talk to them & let them know that you are being safe.
        
        They're being bitches because they love you & that's a good thing, even though it doesn't feel like it right meow.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        4 years ago
        
        I’m at that point in my life developmentally where I should be going out and exploring things on my own. But because i wasn't very good at making friends, its hard to please my parents and do the things I want. I know they love me, and I will miss them when they are gone, but sometimes I wish they would listen to my feelings too
        
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- Ellenna
  
  4 years ago
  
  Oh really, so crimes against women only happen in bad neighbourhoods or when we engage in risky activities? Bullshit
  
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  - CountessDouche
    
    4 years ago
    
    Oh, you are totally correct & that's not what I was saying st all. Of course, crimes against women happen everywhere. In all walks of life & in all circumstances. It's good for women to be aware that they are always potentially at risk. Statistically speaking, though, you would be more at risk in certain parts of the world & that is just the truth.
    
    You can do things to mitigate the risk by avoiding those areas & not taking unnecessary risks (& by risky behaviour I don't mean having sex or dressing a certain way, what I mean is not being aware of your surroundings, walking with headphones in, flashing your cash around when you take it out if an ATM).
    
    I'm aware that crimes against women happen everywhere, but I don't think the onus should be on the victims to stop living their lives freely. Yeah, we should be aware of where we are, if it's risky & try to avoid shit that puts us at risk, but we shouldn't have to retreat to our houses at dusk & never flash out ankles. There's a balance between being smart& careful & being overly cautious & never living life. That was my point.
    
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    - Ellenna
      
      4 years ago
      
      Most crimes against women happen in the home or by someone the woman knows
      
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      - CountessDouche
        
        4 years ago
        
        I was answering the question. The question is about the OP going out, not violence in the home.
        
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        Ellenna
        
        4 years ago
        
        Yeah I did go off the track a bit there, didn't I? True though
        
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dimwitted

4 years ago

The concern is your safety. You can do whatever you want just be sure at least one person knows where you are at all times.

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Doesnormalmatter

4 years ago

It's a risk that your allowed to take. Don't feel like you need people with you everywhere that is dumb. Just be careful.

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RoseIsabella

4 years ago

I do lots of things alone, and I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I have been known to carry pepper spray, and a taser. I have also been known to carry a butterfly knife. I drive myself where I want to go, and I carry weapons if I feel it's necessary. I'm not looking for anyone to protect me. I also don't go to places that I feel are dangerous.

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- CountessDouche
  
  4 years ago
  
  You probably shouldn't carry a knife, unless you are trained w/ knife fighting...it's more likely to be taken away & used against you.
  
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  - Boojum
    
    4 years ago
    
    Not to mention the hazards of an unjustified sense of confidence.
    
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    - RoseIsabella
      
      4 years ago
      
      Maybe I should get a gun instead?
      
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      - raisinbran
        
        4 years ago
        
        I would, if concealed carry is legal in your state... knife requires lots of training.
        
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      - CountessDouche
        
        4 years ago
        
        Good thing you don't need training to use a gun!@! Lol
        
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        RoseIsabella
        
        4 years ago
        
        I would certainly take a class if I got a gun.
        
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    - CountessDouche
      
      4 years ago
      
      Oh God, no shit. So much consuming of John wick movies...so much forgetting the path of least resistance will often fucking de-escalate, so much forgetting of the fact that we are pants pooping hairless lady apes who weigh a buck fiddy & not matrix backfipping, olde west squinting, bad ass catwoman warriors.
      
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      - McBean
        
        4 years ago
        
        I like your raw and exciting introduction. What happens next in your scenario?
        
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    4 years ago
    
    Oh it's cool, I haven't carried a knife in a while. I actually would like to learn knife fighting.
    
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    - McBean
      
      4 years ago
      
      Tip for ya, Rosie. If you can't find a knife fighting instructor, kubaton martial arts is a good introduction. Karate studios often have programs for this. Call and ask.
      
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      - RoseIsabella
        
        4 years ago
        
        Thanks!
        
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    - DIO
      
      4 years ago
      
      Being trained is one thing. Are you willing to use it on another human being?
      
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      - RoseIsabella
        
        4 years ago
        
        Yes.
        
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        DIO
        
        4 years ago
        
        Ok.
        Basically, what you should know when you learn knife fighting is to use the knife like a pen on a sheet. But don't only focus on the knife and use your other hand as well to distract and to block.
        
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- DIO
  
  4 years ago
  
  A taser is pretty good but don't carry a knife, especially if you're not willing to kill someone with it.
  As countessDouche says, you need special training and determination with that. Butterfly knife won't do you any good.
  
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Unknown_player

4 years ago

Tips for anyone traveling alone is to tell some one trustworthy where you are going and to let them know a time to expect you to be back by. Also carry pepper spray if possible or stick to more populated areas

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Ellenna

4 years ago

To me, this is a matter of balance and weighing up risks. I used to do things which make me shudder now in retrospect, for example hitch hiking, camping out by myself in the desert miles from anywhere.

I don't walk anywhere at night except short distances from my car to a local venue and always have my phone on me. I realised recently how safe I keep my life when I ended up on a dark deserted street in an area I didn't know when the person I was with walked a long way on ahead (I walk slowly now because of heart and lung conditions) and was quite nervous until I finally caught up with him, knowing I wouldn't be able to run or physically fight back if in danger.

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DitzyDaisy

4 years ago

I totally get you, It's not even an antisocial thing. I love socializing with people and will walk up to random strangers and start talking. Yes I go for jogs in the evening because it's relaxing and you can really take everything in. But girl you have got to be careful this world is crazy and anything can happen. Whenever I am going somewhere I think what kind of people can be there and how should I behave and what should I do if this person attacks me all of a sudden?

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19sammi91

4 years ago

Do what you like but if the people around you are worried (and yourself).. get a gun license and a gun to protect yourself OR if that not your thing go take some self defense classes or something?

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raisinbran

4 years ago

Do what you want, use common sense.

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Nikclaire

4 years ago

Screw all that. Women can do anything. We are strong. We dont need men to protect us

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jasperoliver

4 years ago

learn a form of self defence, carry pepper spray, know the signs and research it/ask around if you're unsure of a situation. if you don't feel safe in an area call/text a reliable friend and move to where you do feel comfortable.

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- Boojum
  
  4 years ago
  
  ...and for God's sake keep your smartphone in your pocket unless you actually _really_ need to use it, and never walk around with earbuds crammed in your ears and music blasting away so the sounds of what's going on around you are obscured.
  
  Far too many people these days in public spaces are totally oblivious to what's happening in their immediate surroundings. Multitasking is a myth.
  
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  - Ellenna
    
    4 years ago
    
    Hmmm ... a young woman who was raped and murdered in Melbourne recently was actually talking on her phone letting someone know she was nearly home.
    
    I totally agree about earbuds, not only to keep awareness of surroundings and possible threats, but in relation to traffic also. I live on a hill with no footpaths and the number of people who walk with their backs to the traffic and headphones on terrifies me. A couple sometimes are also pushing a pram with a baby in it, have a toddler with them and a dog on a long lead! Nasty accident waiting to happen.
    
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  - Nikclaire
    
    4 years ago
    
    It's been proven that multitasking cant happen. Computers can even do it.
    
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Is this wrong?