Is this an acceptable behavior during a date?

PC gamer speaking. Yes you heard that right, I’m a friggin nerd with little experience with women.

I have been playing World of Warcraft for quite some time and I formed a strong friendship with one of the girls in my guild who lives around 200 km away from me.

I mainly took her as a friend, until one day when she asked me to visit her. A few weeks later, we scheduled a date and I took a day off work yesterday to visit her as there are less people in restaurants during weekdays (which matters a lot now during the global crisis).

Besides taking a day off work, I had to spend nearly 6 hours in my car (3h each direction) and fork out about 110 euros for food (which I wouldn’t mind if she weren’t glued to her phone all the time)

I was eager to meet her in person and have a good chat over lunch. It didn’t turn out as I expected though. We can summarize the date with the following:

* She was messing with her phone the entire time. She did talk to me casually, but she didn’t put the phone aside during the entire lunch. I got 20% of the attention while her phone had 80%.

* She made me drive her around for her errands. I had to drive her to a post office and to the bank, where I ended up waiting inside my car (as per her request), just like a driver.

* She then asked if I would like dinner somewhere and I agreed. During the entire dinner, she behaved exactly the same way as during lunch (giving her phone 80% of the attention).

Now the question here is... would you had been mad in my shoes after taking a day off work, spending 6 hours on the road, paying for her lunch + dinner, being treated as a taxi driver and barely getting to speak to her in return, or is this perfectly acceptable behavior in your eyes?

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 27 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • What a shame. Unacceptable. You got bamboozled.

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    • "Bamboozled" sounds like a word used when a circus clown does a practical joke.
      Maybe that isn't a completely incorrect analogy...

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  • Gotta admit, the girl's got talent: she figured out you were a sucker and she played you well.

    None of what you describe is acceptable behaviour. People who are incapable of switching off their phone and relating to others face to face are inconsiderate assholes. People who arrange a so-called date and then use their date as a chauffeur are users. People who suggest dinner and expect the other person to pay (you don't say this happened, but I assume it did) are parasites.

    If she was aware of the lengths you had to go to in order to spend time with her, then that just makes all of the above even worse.

    You have every right to be very annoyed about this and you need to accept that she is not a friend in any sense. If she should ever suggest another meeting, tell her she'll have to come to you because you're broke. I bet she'll immediately change the subject.

    If I were you, I'd be trying to think of sneaky, deniable ways that I could make her WoW life less pleasant. But I can be a petty asshole when I feel I've been taken advantage of.

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    • True, very true.

      She was aware of the long drive + the day off. I was prepared to pay for everything as I knew her financial situation is much worse than mine (she’s still in school as she is a couple of years younger than me).

      A fun fact was that when I got home, I saw that she had sent me some messages during the long drive. There was no thank you among those, neither any other word of gratitude. Instead, she suggested to take a train to my place and crash here for a week so I can bring her sightseeing in the west.

      I politely declined saying that she’s most welcome to visit me for a day, but I won’t let a person I hardly know crash at my place.

      I already know the outcome of what would had happened if I accepted her offer. I would be paying for all her meals and be her chauffeur for a whole week, while I barely get any attention due to her phone addiction.

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      • Not to mention the fact that when your back was turned, she would probably be stealing stuff.

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      • Last time a person tried inviting themselves in my home I let them, they proceeded to try and kiss me while his newborn was sitting on my floor staring at us (I hate children) and I barley even knew the dude! Plus he took one look at my relatively expensive bed that I'm very fond of and was like well have to do something about that.

        It was at that moment I knew I had zero interest in him. Plus when he tried to kiss me my first reaction was dodge! I latterly said nope without even thinking about it.

        If I learned anything about this moment its that if someone try inviting themselves in thatbearly in a relationship they ain't worth it.

        Took my boyfriend forever to learn that he's welcome over anytime (I'm like a stage 4 clinger lol) before that he wouldn't go near my place or make any suggestions about it unless I invited him in first.

        Live and learn i guess. Its always worth waiting for a good one

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        • I fully agree with you on this!

          While she had known me for quite some time online, she certainly didn’t know me in person (especially since she didn’t even make an effort to get to know me during my visit).

          She certainly is bold and fearless, as there are many risks with being a girl in an unknown guy’s apartment. Not all guys are sensible, responsible and conservative like me.

          Besides knowing that she would boss me around for an entire week, I also have a feeling that she’d act like a spoiled brat and mess up my apartment.

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          • Like 9/10 likely she would treat your place like a hotel. Not to mentiom you know she wouldn't even put out. Im not saying sex is everything but if your doing shit like that i mean throw a dog a bone

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            • She’d definitely treat it as a hotel with free food and private chauffeur.

              I wouldn’t put out with a girl I just met anyway. I’m not that sort of guy. ☺️

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        • Ugh, sounds so seedy. They could have at least got a fucking babysitter.

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  • Doesn't seem like an ideal way to behave during a date

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  • At the first date I would of told her, that I do not appreciate the behavior. Thats fucked up. Much to my bfs annoyance I always offer going half and half. Personslly if someone ain't willing to help pay the bills not worth the time. And using. Phone on the first date is unacceptable unless your talking about something and gave a photo that aligns with the conversation or something like that.

    Dude id of left her at the bank.

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  • She's looking for a simp, dude, I'd leave that shit. Also was he hot btw? I've got a picture in my mind of chicks who play WOW and it does not look appealing

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    • 10/10 body, 8/10 face, 0/10 personality.

      She was slim and quite average height.

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  • Yeah, she was rude.

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  • Either rude, autistic, or using you. No matter what you are better off without her and finding someone who appreciates the lengths you will go to for them.

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  • Seems like she just used you, best thing is to learn to gage that shit early on, call them out on it to their face and walk.

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  • Girls with that personality, I would instantly dump them. That behaviour wouldn't be tolerated in my books.

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  • Bitch. Full stop.

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  • She sounds rude and also may be using you.

    You can do better. Fuck her.

    I know a married couple who met on WOW back in the day. So it can work out sometimes.

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  • I would have asked her to put her phone down during the date. Cell phone usage during a date is inappropriate.

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  • If someone is always on a damned game or social media, you cannot expect them to have much in-person social skills. Too many people find that out the hard way.

    PLUS, this is why it is better to date locally. If you drive 20 to 30 minutes an find out the person sucks, not a big loss. When we are talking hours though, that sucks. Plus, what if the car breaks down when you are hours away from home?

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  • I would've left her after lunch tbh.

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  • WOW + no social skills
    Probably autism

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    • Lots of people with autism don't play WOW.

      Lots of people who play WOW don't have autism.

      I don't think the link is that strong.

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