Is my sister autistic/ in the spectrum

22% Normal

I'm really not trying to be mean or jump conclusions, this is from months of thinking. I know its probably a terrible idea to ask this to a group of non medical professionals but I want to know if anyone has any insights that can aid me in my research.

My sister has intense temper tantrums. She is 13 now, but she had them since who knows when. when she was younger it seemed like she was doing it cuz she was a child and that she would eventually grow out of it, but as she got older we started to worry about the fact that its not getting any better, and in fact in most cases things were getting worse.

She would get upset at small things such as people not understanding what she said properly, or the fact that she has to go to school. She would scream, throw things, and especially punch and hit my parents, or me, if I was ever involved. My dad would sometimes get rad marks and such from these tantrums.

They used to get so loud that my neighbour called the cops on us 2-3 times because they feared there was abuse in the house.

She's getting better, with tantrums being more like once or twice a month, usually about not wanting to go to school. However, one day I decided to eves drop on mom and my sister's conversation and heard “why can’t you follow instructions? Bring me my green tea now, hot, get it now!", proving she might have been quieter and less physical, she was still unreasonably disrespectful and aggressive.

I has read about how a child within the spectrum can get aggressive and physical with their parents, and have un reasonable temper tantrums. I always assumed it was because she was spoiled from her birth but i'm not so sure anymore. If anyone has any insight please let me know, I just want to help my parents who are both getting extremely worn out from this.

Update: Just had a talk with my mom about this, and said maybe shes on the spectrum idk but it might be worth going to a professional about it and she started crying. I feel like shit.

Edit: I feel as if I should add on to why I think this. she's also pretty sensitive to sound. When shes sleeping, were not allowed to make any noises in the living roon. talking during dinner is not acceptable. so even when she decides to take a nap the whole family has to shut up because shes that sensitive. I know that doesn't mean anything 100% but thats one of the other reasons why I started thinking she might be on the spectrum.

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22% Normal

Based on 18 votes (4 yes)

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Comments ( 25 )

mouldiwarp

3 years ago

Aggression doesn’t indicate autism 😒

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  3 years ago
  
  I know that, this is why I was trying not to be offensive. Shes not just angry. She gets mad at little things, and sometimes complains about how noisy everyone is (ik stil thats not 100% proof but). it's just wierd how severe it is at her age. but I understand that.
  
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  - mouldiwarp
    
    3 years ago
    
    Speaking as an autistic person, tantrums are intentional and a learned behavior, thrown on purpose to get your way even if you aren’t that upset, often used by neurotypical children (and occasionally manipulative and immature adults).
    
    Autistic people can experience meltdowns, uncontrollable reactions to an overload of sensory information or intense or prolonged negative emotions like stress or anger. They’re like your body just giving up on you and going into fight or flight mode, you may be unaware of your actions while melting down and often forget what it felt like when it’s over, but feel exhausted.
    
    I hope it didn’t sound like I was lecturing. But it isn’t autism if that’s all she experiences. Social and/or communication difficulty, bodily coordination difficulties, atypical body language or tone, very literal, analytical, and/or logical thinking, naturally noticing or memorizing small details that others do not, extremely passionate interests, different experiences from the norm with empathy (hyperempathy, hypoempathy, or noticeably unusual empathy toward animals, objects, or fiction), unusual sensory processing (includes hypersensitivity to stimuli, hyposensitivity, sensory seeking behaviors known as stimming, synesthesia, and auditory processing disorder) and executive dysfunction (including emotional dysregulation, trouble switching or starting activities, altered time perception, problems with working memory, perseverative or intrusive thoughts, and adherence to personal rituals or routines) are all major hallmarks of autism.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      3 years ago
      
      right. I guess I shouldn't have jumped the gun and suggested it could have been autism. Thanks for this, it gave me insight into autism that I wouldn't have known otherwise.
      
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      - mouldiwarp
        
        3 years ago
        
        Yeah, of course. I enjoy educating since our behaviors are often misunderstood. Sorry for my initial rude comment, you’re polite and seem like a nice person. I hope your sister feels better.
        
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my_life_my_way

3 years ago | pl

She just sounds like a little bitch, just slap it out of her. When she throws a tantrum, your parents need to throw a bigger one to show her she can’t do that.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  3 years ago
  
  That probably never works. When a parent goes down to a child's level It usually only feeds the fire. But its true you should budge because of a tantrum, that only further shows a tantrum is an acceptable method of getting to what she wants.
  
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noid

3 years ago

Maybe a mood disorder.

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ellnell

3 years ago

Yeah some autistic people do have meltdowns to an agressive degree. I find it to be unusual though, i'm not an agressive person nor is anyone I know who is on the spectrum. That said it is a spectrum and everyone is different and has varying degrees of difficulty for different things. It could just as well be ADHD, though. Or something else. And there is a huge difference between a kid just having behavioural problems and having uncontrollable meltdowns. Usually a meltdown is hard for the sufferer too and triggered by different things. With autism you're more sensitive, your stress meter fills up way faster than for the regular NT also because we take in a lot of things all the time and get overwhelmed by having sensory problems and also constantly trying to fit in. Some of us don't have meltdowns at all because we can handle it by just closing off, maybe taking a nap or stimming or just doing something we find relaxing. Others do have meltdowns and they can look very different. If this is something she indeed cannot control you should have her evaluated. No matter what it is she will benefit with the correct support.

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RoseIsabella

3 years ago

"Why can’t you follow instructions? Bring me my green tea now, hot, get it now!", if someone spoke to me like that I wouldn't lift a finger for that person!

The behavior you've described just sounds like the action of a straight up bitch. Autistic, or not, and I'm gonna go with not, your sister just sounds like a spoiled brat. She sounds like the kind of person about whom a lot of people, myself included, would say, "I wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire".

Honestly, she sounds like a very self-centered, domineering, and narcissistic person who has a total lack of insight, and for whatever reason is probably incapable of feeling empathy. I know a bitch like this in my life, I won't say who, but I know someone very much what you have described. It's not pretty.

When my younger sister by three years, and I were in our late teens, and early twenties she would always try to get me to cook for her when we lived at home if my mom was out, because she was too lazy to do it for herself. She's very entitled, and spoiled. I've done a lot to help out with her little, blind and diabetic poodle when she was out of town for over a month, and I even purchased a really nice pet stroller that I could barely afford, but I did all these things for her dog, because I love him dearly, not for her. I love her, because she's my sister, but she is certainly not a very likable person, and if we weren't related I probably wouldn't have anything to do with her. If she were someone I knew from work, church, or school I would probably steer clear of her! Sad, but true.

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- Somenormie
  
  3 years ago
  
  You know what I would do?
  
  I'd never to talk to people like that.
  
  Because the normality judge says so.
  
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    3 years ago
    
    To be completely honest there are many times when my sister, and I don't talk to each other at all.
    
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ThatOneGuyYouNeverWantToMeet

3 years ago

If all she's doing is throwing tantrums then no, she's just a cunt that needs to be popped in the mouth. But if she has other symptoms like avoiding eye contact, not picking up on facial expressions & extreme obsessions with interests then maybe.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  3 years ago
  
  I guess I can't jump to conclusions. Its just so strange that at her age she's having these uncontrollable tantrums. She feels bad about it too, she tells mom that she's worried that everyone probably hates her now. Its hard to say she's just a bad person. She doesn't know how to handle it.
  
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  - Boojum
    
    3 years ago
    
    If she's able to recognise that how she deals with the world is causing problems for herself, then she's a good candidate for some counselling. It's clear she needs to learn some skills which allow her to deal with her needs, wishes and frustrations in more positive ways.
    
    You say the rages seem to be decreasing in their frequency, but she's moving into a phase of her life that many people find very challenging, and she's obviously getting bigger and stronger. If she continues to physically lash out, the consequences are going to be much more serious for everyone.
    
    The biggest mystery to me is why your parents haven't sought help already, but they wouldn't be the first parents to feel that doing this would be acknowledging that they've failed as parents. They need to accept that some kids just arrived wired up a little different, normal parenting skills simply aren't enough and, contrary to what the songs claim, love is sometimes just not enough. If they love your sister and want the best life possible for her, they'll accept that she has problems, swallow their pride, and seek professional help for her.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      3 years ago
      
      They've been trying to get her into counseling but many times she doesn't like the counselor. She only want a young counselor and most counselors around our area are usually in their 40's. We don't know what to do. we tried getting angry at her and she just fights back even more, now my parents are doing their best to show as much love as possible, though to me that sounds like a recipe for disaster.
      
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    3 years ago
    
    Is she in therapy?
    
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Somenormie

3 years ago

I doubt she's autistic.

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Haddock

3 years ago

Does she have an oddly strong sense of envy
very little sense of the emotional state of others
tend to rage if someone she would usually expect to conform to her demands decides otherwise (sometimes in tiny matters)
odd withdrawal from people that do not give her special treatment ?

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chuy

3 years ago

could be a number of things, autisum, ADD, HDAD, OCD...

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bigbudchonga

3 years ago

She could just be a bitch, but yes, she could be autistic.

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SwickDinging

3 years ago

Where did you grow up/where do you live now?

I only ask because a lot of developed countries are now very good at picking up on autism in children, and usually do so before they have even started school, so it's unlikely, although not impossible, that someone could get to 13 without it being looked into.

Do you know if she was ever assessed? It usually happens when they are about 3 or 4, but it can be later if the signs aren't as obvious.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  3 years ago
  
  I don't think anyone of us got assessed. We grew up in the US and in Korea, now we're in Singapore, all developed nations.
  
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  - SwickDinging
    
    3 years ago
    
    I guess that either means that she doesn't show any signs of autism, or that they missed it...
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      3 years ago
      
      I don't see any severe signs either, Its just recently as I started learning about how wide the variety of the spectrum is that I learnt it could be a k=lot more subtle then previously anticipated. The main thing is that she gets irrationally angry, and she tends to be somewhat sensitive to sound. I know thats probably not enough so I'm not gonna try jumping conclusions.
      
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Is my sister autistic/ in the spectrum