Is my mother suicidal?
When my mom gets frustrated, angry or tired she says that she wants to die, she actively says she wants something bad to happen to her and die to "go away". She's not elderly so it's not a older-age depression thing, I think it depends on the fact that her life is all centered around her children, she doesn't have an hobby and she spenda all of her free time (which is very little) sleeping on the sofa watching TV. I'm very worried for her, she doesn't respond well to affection: she thinks kind words such as "I love you" or "you are going to be okay" are stupid and a joke in serious times, she also doesn't like when I initiate hugs or other forms of affection. Sometimes she initiates them at random times and I accept them, some other times I initiate hugs when I know she's a good mood and she responds well to them. The point is that affection is not a comfortable way to deal with problems for her. I'm not comfortable talking about it with anyone else in my family or friends, I've looked for advice online and all professional guides from people who had this kind of issues with their parents start with affectionately comforting them. I know that would never work for my mother.
What should I do?
Either she is suicidal, or she is manipulative. Some people use threats of suicide to control the people around them. I don't know your mother well enough to suggest which category she falls into. You can't force your mother to get therapy. She's an adult older than you. She knows the options available to her. If she doesn't seek treatment, then no treatment can be given to her. It's not your responsibility to mother your mother. You are her child. Not her parent. If you are very worried, call the local suicide prevention hotline and tell them about your mom.
Once your kids become your identity, it’s kinda hard to find yourself again. She’s probably not gonna off herself. I saw shit like that all the time. But I’d never say it to my kids.
I've heard in a suicide prevention class one time that you should always treat it seriously whenever someone says they want to die, even if they do say it in a joking kind of way, since there may be some seriousness to it. They may be too afraid to tell you outright, so that's like their subconscious desperately trying to hint at it instead.
If you do plan on asking her about it, then the only other thing I remember from that class right now is that you should ask directly, rather than indirectly. Like you should ask "Do you ever think about suicide?" rather than "You don't ever think about suicide, do you?". Because they're much more likely to deny it with the second question.