Is it normal to wish you didnt have step children

Does anybody realize how HARD it truly is to put up with step children? Because UNTIL you are in those shoes, you just have no idea how unbelievably annoying and horrible it really is.

Ya know.....i'm a christian, and i love god. but everyday i question what he has let happen.

i do NOT understand, why he let my husband's ex girlfriend get pregnant when she was *FIFTEEN* years old, and again when she was SEVENTEEN, and i never got pregnant when we first got together and i wasn't on birth control or anything. And we were ADULTS, and he BELONGS with ME, and we are gonna stay together, but yet, THAT WH*RE got pregnant by him when they were teenagers!
she should've lost them.
she never should've been able to get pregnant. i'll never apologize for how i feel. THEY never should've happened, his kids are nothing but mistakes, and i just wish to god that those were "MISTAKES" he would've been smart enough NOT to make!!! especially with a low-down, white trash, gutter-wh*re B*TCH like their mother!

Take your husband's advice and seek conseling. Please put your pride to the side and get some help. Your husband could've just up and left you, but he's willing to work with you and you need to do the same and work with him. These feelings are not going to magically go away on their own.

its TOTALLY normal, as far as i'm concerned! i'm not pregnant, like you, but i feel the EXACT same way!!!!!! i wish i could be pregnant, but i wonder if my husband would love our child the way he does the first ones he had!
My husband had 2 kids when he was a freakin TEENAGER (how f*ckin stupid) with this little blonde slut, and i WISH she would've never been able to have kids!!! god i wish it never would'v happened! i wish those kids had never been born. really, it would've been best if she'd lost them! the f*ckin WHORE had the first one when she was FIFTEEN!!!! i hate her so damn much.......
yea, i feel the exact same way. i wish he didnt even HAVE kids! i wish they'd LEAVE US ALONE AND LET US BE A FAMILY OF OUR OWN AND BE HAPPY!!!!!!!!!

Hi NEWMOM... I feel your pain. I am in a similar situation. I married my husband knowing he has a daughter from a one night stand. We get her everyother weekend. Her mom didnt even tell him that she was pregnant until the baby was already 2 years old. So now we are married and trying to have our own baby but everytime I look at this little girl I see her mom and it makes me so angry about the situation. My husband says he understants my feeling but wishes I could be a mom to his daughter but I just dont feel that way and dont think I ever will. I have tried to bond with her by teaching her new things taking her to funplaces but she just wants to talk about her mommy and daddy. For now I just stay away when she is over and when we have a baby of our own I already told my husband he better be ready to deal with behaviors. I am a special ed teacher,and have a degree in psychology and I know from all my studies that its normal to feel this way and as long as I am not mistreating or neglecting the child I don't have to "LOVE" the child. If you have any more advice on what youve been doing to handle your situation please let me know. And I know its hard when rude people judge you,but until they have dreams of a life with someone and its all changed by one mistake then they can't really judge you.

ok for everybody that is trash talking me i didnt write the story to be trash talked i dont treat the child like shit he has no idea how i feel so those of you that act like im the meanest person in the world to this kid you have no idea what your talking about. Also i wrote the story for help not to be put down about uncontrollable feelings and emotions that i am experiencing. Also i want to add to those of you that talk about me marrying when i knew he had kids yes i knew but when we got married i didnt have a problem with the child the problems came when i became pregnant. so please those of you that tell me to grow up and trash talk me you really need to look at yourselves and grow up. all i wanted was some feedback to see if anybody else understood my situation. i dont believe i deserved to be trashed especially since im attempting to get help. i dont like to feel this way but i cannot control who i fall in love with i just happened to fall for somebody that made bad no horrible decisions in their life and he is an amazing man for staying by my side so please if your just going to trash talk me please just dont say anything at all and be considerate of my feelings and understand i dont like feeling this way but i cant control it.

I feel like I'm reading something I wrote myself. I have 2 step daughters that live with us full time. My husband is an amazing person. We have a son together and I often have negative horrible feelings when I look at them sometimes. I sometimes see their bio mom in them and I hate her for making our life hell by not paying child support. I sometimes think about their father having sex with their mother and loving her and it hurts. I think that's why divorce wasn't supposed to happen ever. You have to build a mental wall around these feelings and block this out of your head. God has given us a job to be mothers to children that need us. It doesn't matter where they come from. I can tell you that people make mistakes. He had to learn some things before he met you in order to love you just right. That bio mom was a northern star. You are his perfect love Now that he's done learning. Men love their children but hate their ex. They will never admit it but they don't like that reminder seen through the eyes of their own child of the mistake they made. He doesn't see love for his mom and the thought of sex makes him sick. You keep pushing those thoughts away. He loves you and the baby he finally got right. The rest is him making the best of his mistakes. Make it as good as you can with him.

What the fuck are you doing in a relationship with a man who has kids, if you don't want them? Better yet, why did you allow yourself to be impregnated? You dislike children, and you want to bring another one into the world? End the relationship, if you can't stand his kids. Now your going to praising your child when it comes out, and giving the same neglect to the other children that the mother on the other end is throwing. I hate this world, especially when I hear horrible stories like this. I hate to say it, but you stepped in on that child's life by getting involved with it's father, and now you're going to damage it further, **** off!

no wondered there are so many messed up kids in this world it's because of evil, cold hearted people like u. your punishing innocent children because your jealous. Get over it you knew that situation when u got married so stop being such a cow.

That poor little boy having to live with a monster like you!!!!! So he went from being abused in one way to being mentally abused by you. Effin lovely...let's hope you can manage being a semi affectionate mother to your own son if he turns out to be less than perfect.
It could be sooo worse! I lived it. Grew up with two mental step brothers who made life hell. One is dead now...ruled a suicide...but more than likely murdered by his brother. It's a damn shame they couldn't have been a family with us when they were younger, like your step son, and maybe had a chance at love and normalcy.
Your step son is a child...you are an adult and should act like one. Shame on you!

Totally normal, but he is just a kid so if you can please dont show him your true feelings and as horrid as he might be or seem he is a child so try to get to know him and help him.

I agree with the ppl above. Also u got married knowing these things so if u didn't like his kids then why did u get married?

sorry... kinda. Honestly though don't say his children are horrible mistakes. Loving anyone means excepting their mistakes and that means his children, ifyou feel they are mistakes. I think you need to swallow your pride and do as your husband says and go to counseling. Try to think of how your stepsons and even son would feel if they knew you felt this way. YOUR MAN CHOSE TO MARRY YOU! You did the right thing in telling him you felt this way it takes a lot of strength and guts!

nah it's not normal and in my opinion you're kind of a bitch

your feelings sound absolutely normal. When I first started dating my husband i didnt think it would end up anywhere but he kept on pursuing me and kept on telling me how he wanted to get serious with me and was in it for the long run. However, he knew I didnt like children (at the time I didnt even want kids)...he had a stepdaughter that was turning 4 and I hated everything about her. I hated how she had her bitchy mother's attitude, she felt entitled to everything just like her mother, and she was an absolute ungrateful brat. I distanced myself from her and just started hiding in my bedroom when she came over so I could avoid her. A year after I met my husband I found out I was pregnant and we got married. I told him i had a vision of how I wanted to raise my family (no blended family BS etc...) and if he was not on board then we dont have to have the baby. Growing up, I knew that I wanted the perfect life for my family and I didnt want to have kids if I were to be with someone who had kids from a previous marriage because it wouldn't be special...I wanted our baby to be special, I wanted it to be HIS first child, His first experience, and I wanted us to experience these firsts together. I couldnt find the heart to terminate pregnancy because he had promised he would make our lives perfect. Now that our baby is one month old, his first daughter tried to be involved in our family, asking for pictures of the baby and wanting to get her things. I threw out the toy his first child got our baby and I told him I didnt want them to associate...I don't want my daughter hearing his first daughter relay messages from her mother...bad-mouthing her father and bad-mouthing me. If I had the choice, he would never see his first daughter again and stop wasting his time and energy...also, stop wasting OUR money on her after her mother stole over 20k in their savings account.

I feel for you, and it would be so much better if these worthless children never existed.

I absolutely understand what you feel. I feel gulity because my sd is super sweet but now i am forced to deal with her nightmare bitch of a mother and work my whole family's schedule around one kid. Why should everything my family does revolve around one person in the family? Thats not fair to anyone. I want to move away but cant till sd is 18 according to my hubby. Shes stopping us from living our lives to the fullest. I hate that my husband ever mounted that cow and had offspring specifically meant to irritate the shit out of me.

I know this is old, but do you people ever regard other people's feelings? I mean, those children are people too, and being in that situation can make them feel very rejected. And children are basically the result of their parents, one way or another.

Yes, I know this is an old post. I thought I could be of help to the man I met who was handicapped in a wheel chair. At the time we were dating for two years, his kids only came for visit days and weekends. I met him 3 years after his divorce was final. Two years later, after we marry his x wife cannot manage the then 11 year old. All of a sudden i find out we are going to have him living with us 24/7. I had no say in the manner. The child's school and social history was kept a secret from me by my now husband. Bits and pieces of information would slip out regarding this child's background. Poor student, acting out in school, numerous encounters with the principals, changes of schools, stealing, lying at the age of 8. Stealing his mother and grand mother's credit card numbers and ordering off the internet at the age of 10. Only by snooping into my husbands emails did I find out the depth of this child's problems, at the age of 11 he slammed the car door on his mother's arm because she would not buy him a stuff animal he wanted. Then he told her he hoped it was broken! Voila the real reason for living with his father. Thus, all I heard was how terrible she was because she wanted to sever her relationship with this child. She herself never told me of the incident, but when I asked her about it, then conveyed the story. The real problem is the father's refusal to parent, to be the good buddy guy, and to lament to this child that I am the fall guy. I wondered why this child was locking me out of the house and would not let me in when I tried to use the key he would put all his weight against the door, and hold the deadbolt so it would not turn. After, several times of this happening he finally admitted to doing it. What the hell, I had done nothing it was my mere presence that ticked him off. If I tried to be kind to him, drop him off here or there where he wanted, or say okay lets get some icecream at the grocery. He would lie and state he hated chocolate only to find out, he would gobble it all up when no one was looking. He is devious and manipulative and places you on guard constantly to your word and action, Then he started to block my pathway so I could not leave the kitchen or get past him. He is really a big kid, has been a lot larger and taller than me for years now.
Then he started the food games, refused to eat what we were having for supper. He wanted to have a bologna sandwich and chips, etc. Then if he did decide to eat, I would dole it out a little at a time because sometimes he would throw it in the garbage. Or if I was cooking dinner, he state I am not hungry I do not want to eat. Only to find out he had friends dropping off candy bars, and chips outside his bedroom window in the bushes.,. One day I came home from work early and found him hanging out the windows with the screen off. I looked in the bushes and there were food wrapper strewn everywhere!
Then he would use the master bathroom when we were at work and pis on the toilet seat and the floor, and leave the commode full of feces. He had his own bathroom off his bedroom for use. There are so many things happening and so much drama every week, I only know I have grown tired of it all. I raised my own children and never encountered the likes of this. He had brief counseling with 3 counselors, who all undoubtedly note that he is a misogynist. They all told me his personality was formed by the time he was 9 or 10. There is no way I can utilize structure, consequences or discipline because my now husband is the obstacle and tells me it is some way my fault when an incident happens. I have NO support from my husband so the disrespect fly's out of the child's mouth daily. I could go on and on. What did I learn from this experience? You cannot change the child nor the parent, they will use you up until you have nothing more to dole out. never marry someone who already has kids, they will lie to you about their kids behaviors, your life will become a living hell, with no peace in it.

This is exactly what I am going through right now .. my situation is so similar that it's almost scary haha . I was wondering what you decided to do?

I know this is an old post but i had to comment. You said so much that sounded just like i feel but would never say out loud! I have thought so many times i just wish the little brats didnt exist!!!! And my husband and i have a son together and the way i feel abt him compared to the little in the way annoying idiots is like night and day. I feel bad for my husband and now my son bc that is his siblings but i have resented them for so long now. I love when they arent home its like a breath of fresh air. They live w us full time their mom doesnt care abt them so i have to deal w their sorry little butts all the time. Itd be better if the boy wasnt full of himself and so f ing loud and NOSY and the girl wasnt a dummy. Or if they would just stay in their rooms and leave is the f alone. And could stay home alone and i never had to be around them. Oh well.. Im not done having kids..5-10 yrs from now they will be old enough they will either b with friends or working and school all the time or moved out and then our family will be good w me husband and our kids no idiotic nasty little sh!ts.

You need to remember that you could well have post-natal depression if you've already had your child. I think it's been brave of you to express how you feel but most people fail as parents coz it's really hard work. It must be a million times harder to take the time to discipline a child that's not even yours. I think children are very easily manipulated and the 7 year old could be of great use to you, by helping with the baby. If I were you, I'd let the 7 year old greet his dad when he comes home and let them have a little time together before your husband joins you and the baby. Your an adult and can wait, and the 7 year old will feel valued by his dad too. The last thing you want to do is create any resentment towards your baby in case the older boy does hurt him. So, get him involved so that he loves the baby too and praise him for everything good he does. Parenting is a completely separate issue and I know a lot of people are worried about the 7 year old but, be realistic, you're stuck with him. His dad is not likely to send him away into care. Get some help from professionals and family too.
Good luck to you. You've a hard road ahead of you!

I agree with you and feel the same so yes its normal. Except my husband doesn't know so I have to try and contain my feelings

BTW...blood doesn't make a parent. My dad is actually my step dad. Few know that because we are as close as any father and daughter. He is an amazing man and my life would have been totally different (for the worse) without him. He is the only father I have ever known and has never treated me as anything less than "his."

You better hope your wife and kids don't see this

well i kinda know what you mean by not wanting the child around but he is only a missunderstood kid with a bad experience and remember you did marry his father and he no longer has his mother. so in a way that kid is relying on you to be his mother even though he doesnt know it, their are only certain things a mother can teach just imagine if you didnt have a mother to guide you were would you be know. also the father is relying on you to be his mother as well. so i beg you try to love him as your own child he doesnt really have to be blood related to be your son. btw their is never going to be any envy between the children if you treat them the same always remember to be fair !