Is it normal to want an abusive gay boyfriend to beat me

Before anyone asks, this isn't limited to the bedroom, like just having rough sex. I want a boyfriend that loves me, but treats me like crap. I want him to yell at me and talk to me like I'm worthless. I also want him to beat me; like when he gets angry, take it out on me, punching me, kicking, choking, etc. But there's still a passion behind all this that tells me how fiercely he loves me. Like... In my mind I'd directly link how much he loves me to how badly he beats the hell out of me.