Is it normal to try and be someone your not ?

I don't know what's wrong with me but I'm only guessing.. I'm shy and have always had my confidence knocked out of me, it's got so bad that I can't even look people in the face in public I can't interact and I'm always thinking 'what are they thinking about me' I guess it's with being bullied for so long but I want to be me, but me takes a long time to come out and I usually need someone who can crack me and start the convo first and want to get to know me, which is hard because If you don't talk or can't even smile they think you're ignorant
I'm trying my best, my job doesn't allow me to meet new people and the thought of joining clubs has worried me but I'm going to try and do it.
People do come into work and we have the regular family friends but there is one guy who comes regular but not to regular like it might be a few months before he comes again... but he spoke to me and it made me feel good because he tried to have a conversation with me??!
Brilliant I was a bit stiff back though but next time I want to talk to him again, I want to be this guys friend.
But then I get thinking he won't like me because I'm not like others, I don't go to the pub every night, I'm not loud, you don't find me in big crowds, I'm shy, and yet he's the opposite, I'm madly attracted to him, wasn't at first so it just shows first impressions aren't everything because when I first saw him I was like eugh. Now everything I say worries me and I cannot relax.
We have a connection we have spoke before... and before but only just realised I kinda like him but friends would do for me so do I add him on Facebook...?

But then the online dating gets me thinking and I'm just not interested in looking. I cannot wait for him to come into work again just to see him. Even though there's no chance in hell he will like someone like me.
Then I start wondering well where else is this going to happen? Where am I going to meet someone who has similar job as me. Gets my job.
If I join a night class I'm going to meet some right saps like me.
So then I start thinking maybe I will never find anyone I like because I don't think I'm worthy of people I fancy.

Will he ask me out? Maybe if I can relax or at least make a friend that would be amazing because I enjoy chatting to him. But I bet if I was in a pub and he was with all his friends we wouldn't have even spoke. So I'm thinking is this fate? I need to stop thinking of every lad as 'could he be the one I marry' and just relax and talk and make friends but I can't do it.

But then it's like I'm shy that's me naturally, when I start thinking what can I say what can I say... I get even worse and pretend to be someone I'm not... yeh I go out every night when I don't. Just to impress someone.

Is It Normal?
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  • I would not add him in Facebook, if you speak again tell him the truth, be honest tell him your not like this and that you are shy and stuff. Tell the truth because only like this your heart Will be light and someone Else will always respect that you said the truth at once, rather than a day finding out he was Joked, which hurts. And only if you are really yourself you can be sure someone Else love you for who you are

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  • shortened version plzz

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