Is it normal to switch between...
Between trying really hard, maybe almost obsessively, with working on social skills, developing rapport, trying to make friends with anyone, and wanting to be alone, wanting seclusion, no connections to anyone?
Whenever there are people available I seem to subconsciously endeavor on the former. I do notice it consciously in the moment, but there are feelings that go along with it that I guess guide me. I typically think about dopamine, adrenaline, seratonin or whatever, a bunch of different chemicals your brain secretes, and usually I just want to explore those feelings in myself so I go along with those feelings in my behavior and basically take a seat back mentally and watch things play out. It's actually letting me handle certain things with poise, almost circumventing my anxiety.
But I feel like it's these sort of qualities that make people think less of me somehow, or maybe they think I'm creepy for trying or even attempting. But these same people thought I was weird when I was quiet too.
Maybe I just don't fit the norm for the group. But I've noticed this pattern basically, I change jobs and it feels so lonely for some time. I've gone whole jobs without trying to talk to anyone and I still had the same problems. It's almost like I have problems everywhere I go
I have no like neutral perspective between being avoidant and lonely and working on social skills and wanting to share attention, I think maybe I'm working with two extremes
Is it normal to switch between these two things cyclacly? It's making me think of a few different concepts in psychology, some kind of like probably bad stuff. I don't know if I want to specify
If I'm all alone with no one, which I kinda am even with people in my life I would think, I would say I need to understand my goals and behave in ways that are optimal for achieving them
But I don't always know the correct answer so my unique life experiences and neural network help fill in the blanks and perhaps they're not quite as useful as I'd like them to be