Is it normal to hold grudges over “eye contact”?

Seems like I still have mad or upset feelings of people from my past who for whatever reason or when we were talking or having a conversation “Didn’t look me in the eye”?? Is that normal? I mean, I guess the world doesn’t revolve around me, if people want to look at things besides me, I understand, but I would say if you were actually talking to me face to face, I would expect that person to make some kind of eye contact with me? Just need input: Yes, this is normal behavior or No, don’t be mad over little things, not normal behavior.

Is It Normal?
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  • I have to remind myself to look away from ppl when theyre talking because I always end up staring at their eyes thd whole time like a psycho

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  • It's more common than you might think. He could have not been looking at you for any number of reasons, anxiety, he was focusing on something around him, something was his mind, etc.

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  • Some people find eye contact stressful and uncomfortable. It’s a thing with autistic people but some non-autistic people find it weird.

    But either way it’s not normal to hold a long-time grudge over it, no matter what the circumstances are. And that’s coming from someone who’s held grudges for over a decade. If that’s all they’ve done wrong then you’re being sensitive.

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  • I had a therapist who kept nagging me because I couldn't make eye contact. He wouldn't stop bugging me about it. He said that it meant that I didn't trust him. Years later,I find out I'm on the autism spectrum.

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    • Sounds like a bad therapist. I can get him trying to make you work on your eye contact, but not saying that you didn't trust him because of it.

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  • My eyes are mischievous with just a hint of sinister.

    I’ll hold a grudge just based on your holding a grudge.

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  • Good eye contact is important to me.

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  • For some people eye contact is very distressing.
    I have autism and I look people in the eye to be polite, but due to that I miss most of what they're saying because I can't focus on both those things at the same time. So not sure how polite it is to do something that makes it so that I am not paying attention to anything you're saying, but at least it looks normal right. That's what usually matters the most to typical people, that things look right.

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  • I used to have a nasty attitude around what I considered to be impolite/sloppy mannerisms. I didn’t like when people mumbled, or dodged eye contact, or shifted around when speaking, or jumped their words around. It drove me crazy to the point I would bark a “speak up” “stand still” “look at me” to whoever wasn’t ‘behaving’ the way I thought they should.

    It’s an impatient and aggressive attitude to carry, and I think it’s a hard one to kick. You should absolutely refrain from mentioning it, some people have social anxieties and haven’t gotten past them or simply don’t care to. Just kind of have to accept that.

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  • I put no because you’re still mad about it. That kind of thing is definitely annoying in the moment.

    I used to have an autistic coworker who wouldn’t look me in the eye or communicate well and it was super frustrating because communication was very important at that job.

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