Is it normal to have thoughts and feelings like this?

8 Comments

Hi. I just joined this website. And it seems decent so I'm going to tell you some things. Every day I feel empty. Like theres just nothing inside me. Now I know this isn't too unusual in this day and age. But it's gotten worse. It started when I was 9. I've always felt unhappy. Even when I got the things that I wanted. It didn't mean anything. I've never had a lot of friends growing up. But when I did I hated them one minute and liked them the next. But I always ended up pushing them away. I feel like I have no one to blame but myself. As for my Mother, she is the reason I feel so much hate. And anger. I really do hate her. But I cant do a thing. I also have these recurring thoughts. Of death. Death for myself and others. Mostly for my own satisfaction. And to take out my anger. I never yell or I try not to. I barely cry but I am sensitive. I dont truly know why I feel this way. I just feel such a strong compulsion to kill. I've started drinking more as well. I've read about it, and I suspect that I may have BPD. I tried to talk to my Mom about it and she just dismissed it. Tell me what you think.

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  • rockyrocks
    15 days ago | pl

    no this isn't normal, and i feel like the fact that you have homicidal thoughts probably should be the biggest tell

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  • Tinybird
    14 days ago | pl

    BPD

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  • normal-rebellious
    14 days ago | pl

    Yes this is usual to say the least, quite common, considering lots of people hate, feel unhappy and down, and push people away. It's not ordinary, as you can see in its normalcy people usually act this way, I think you owe yourself something to believe in, like a religion perhaps, something to give your life meaning. I think you should love your mum, she's only alive for so long, so hug her, kiss her, and make her a drink. Be nice to your mum, supposing you can come up with an answer yourself, should you hate, or should you stop hating? I think you know the answer, and feeling unhappy the answer's staring you in the face, you should pack your bags and move out.

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  • SaddleGoose
    15 days ago | pl

    You're bored and expect fulfilment to come out of nowhere. Every time someone expressing these feelings come about there's always two main things in common, one is that they watch a lot of TV and try to build a personality around the personalities of characters in the media they consume, and second, they often do very little to gain fulfilment in their life.

    Don't build a personality off of this, you won't find people viewing you as interesting but moreso as immature. I'm not saying this to belittle you, a lot of people go through this, but you need to work on your life and find realistic ways of building an interesting personality.

    Good luck! <3

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      15 days ago | pl

      Thank you. Yeah my Mom told me the exact same thing. But the thing is I cant feel happy. No matter what I do I cant be happy. I'm just extremely depressed and I cant get out of it. Thank you anyway.

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      • SaddleGoose
        14 days ago | pl

        There's always the chance that you are depressed but this is a last resort conclusion. Don't fall in to the trap that having "something wrong with you" is a meal ticket to relevancy in your own life, it won't make your life any more interesting and will be a hurdle in your way to actually having an interesting life and having people want to know you.

        Chances are, you've not stuck out trying to be happy. When I was younger I felt the same until I actually had to get on with stuff and I eventually realised how irrelevant those feelings were in the grand scheme of life. Do you have a job? Go to school? Frequently hang out with friends IRL?

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  • DADNSCAL
    15 days ago | pl

    You need to start by telling your doctor about it asap. He can refer to to mental health. There's several concerning issues in your post.

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